Phone: 616-217-9489 | eMail: jude@midlifetoolsforliving.com
JD's Midlife Tools For Living Practices, LLC
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We can be manipulated in any kind of relationship–at work, in friendships and in our family. Basically people pressure others in sneaky ways to get what they want.
As a result, they have control and power over you. They control how you act and take away your ability to think and feel for yourself.
Being manipulated affects our relationship with that person, with others in our lives and with our own mental health too! It hurts.
-You feel guilty—the manipulator portrays themself as the victim or makes it seem like you owe them.
-You doubt yourself—after being told you can’t do something or don’t understand you start to believe it.
-You are coerced to do they want—they are angry and blow up even in front of others so you give in.
-You feel less than—they compare you to others, you don’t measure up and they insist they are just trying to motivate you to do better.
-You get charmed—they shower you with compliments and praise to build your trust to get what they want.
-You feel threatened—they give ultimatums and threats to get their way.
Those who manipulate others are skilled at spotting weaknesses in others and they figure out how to use this to their advantage against you. Also, they don’t give up easily.
A manipulator gets you out of your comfort zone so they have more control.
They alter and twist facts, lie, make excuses, blame you, only share some of the facts. They will exaggerate, generalize and make vague accusations.
Manipulators use humor in a cruel way to poke fun at your weaknesses, judging you openly. They ‘gaslight’ you by saying something you know happened never did or was never said.
Manipulators are passive-aggressive using indirect ways to express their anger. Or give you the silent treatment to punish you.
Being manipulated takes an emotional toll. It’s important to find a safe way out of the situation.
Above all step back and look at the situation, at the facts. Trust your gut. Especially consider what your intuition is telling you about the person and how you are being treated.
Importantly, put some distance between yourself and the manipulator. Consider how you want to be treated and what you need from others to be happy. Think about what you want and need in your relationships.
Set some boundaries. Limit how often you see and interact with the manipulator. Limit what you share. Keep your conversations short and very general. Respond unemotionally when they attempt to get you worked up.
Pause for a moment before you agree to do anything the manipulator asks or demands of you. Ask yourself if that is really something you want to do or if it is not.
Remember you have the right to say ‘yes ‘and importantly ‘no’ to anyone or to any request made of you! And, do exercise your right to say no when you want and need to.
Additionally get support for yourself when you are being manipulated. It is very painful and confusing to be manipulated. It hurts deeply too.
Reaching for help is especially important if the situation is abusive in any way. If you are in immediate danger call 911. The National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-SAFE or text START to 88788 are resources too.
Do contact me. Anxiety Therapy, Depression Therapy and PTSD Treatment helps heal the wounds that being manipulated creates.
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
