Civility Is Vital For Your Mental Health

We the people…how do we bring civility back?

The great political divide in our country has influenced so many parts of our lives including our perceptions of “facts”, our friendships, our world view and our ability to relate with civility towards one another. Uncertain times and disagreements on so many topics have become very polarizing. This has led to a negative impact on our mental health and well-being including an uptick in anxiety, helplessness, and depression.

We the people in this country have an enormous amount of work to do. We have become so divided, so angry with one another, so negative, so ugly, so harsh, so quick to judge, so hateful. I do wonder if we can ever become respectful and civil again.

What does civil mean?

According to the Oxford Languages Dictionary: “Civil pronounced: civ·il /ˈsiv(ə)l/ is an adjective and means:

1. relating to ordinary citizens and their concerns, as distinct from military or ecclesiastical matters. “civil aviation” Similar: secular, nonreligious, lay, laic, laical, nonmilitary, civilian. Opposite: religious, military.

2. courteous and polite. “we tried to be civil to him”. Similar: polite, courteous, well-mannered well bred, gentlemanly, chivalrous, gallant, ladylike, gracious, respectful, refined, urbane, polished, cultured, cultivated, civilized, cordial, genial, pleasant, affable, obliging, decent, mannerly. Opposite: rude, discourteous.”

We’re moving further and further away from being a courteous and polite civilization especially when politics is front and center.

Our civilization seems to be more uncivilized

If civilization means, as the Oxford Languages Dictionary indicates: the stage of human social and cultural development and organization that is considered most advanced. Then, we seem to be taking steps backwards developmentally as one.

It is one thing to debate and disagree and quite another to resort to uncivilized behavior. Being vulgar, brutish, thuggish, barbaric, savage—all synonyms for the word uncivilized so says the Oxford Languages Dictionary.

Questions to ask yourself

What do you want for your life? For the world around you? For your family and friends? For your city, your neighborhood, your neck of the woods?

If living in a civil mentally healthy society is a priority to you, it requires each of us to commit to intentionally bring as much peace and tranquility as we can into our daily life.

That is a rather tall order too! It’s very hard not to get ramped up and worried up. It will take a good amount of work and effort not to do so. And it requires attention and intention too.

Some ways you can invite civility and enhanced mental health back into your life:

Do pause and take notice of how you are responding emotionally and what you are thinking. Simply observe and label what it is that you are thinking. For example that is a worry thought, or a judgment thought. When we do this we give some space between ourself and the thought itself. And then we can more readily respond thoughtfully instead of reacting emotionally.

Make a commitment to be respectful. Communication is about the words we say, the tone we use, and our body demeanor. Be intentional about how you come across to others.

It’s important to recognize what we can and can’t change. We really do not have the power to change another person’s beliefs, ideas, perspective….no matter how much, how badly we want to. We only have the power to control ourselves and how we respond, react, think, feel, believe. So, save your breath and your sanity. Zip your lip! Let be what is.

Do be kind, even if you disagree with someone, approach the conversation with kindness. Kindness opens the door to understanding, which is something we all need more of,
especially when our perspectives differ. The art of kindness involves having a spirit of helpfulness, being generous and considerate, and doing so without expecting anything in return.

Do think of kindness as a quality of being you can cultivate. Giving kindness often is simple, free and mental health-enhancing. Kindness has been shown to increase self-esteem, empathy and compassion, and improve mood. It can decrease blood pressure and cortisol, a hormone directly correlated with stress levels.

Do approach others with curiosity and humility. Instead of always asserting your own opinion, have the courage to ask more questions and to genuinely seek to understand the other person.

Remember our neighbors really are not our enemies. We can be friends if we make the choice to do so. We each have the power to connect with others and foster meaningful relationships. If we use this power we will begin to heal our country’s divides and progress as a decent civilization. We don’t have to abandon our own values but rather hold onto them while we also embrace the importance of respect, empathy, and kindness.

Healing starts with each one of us

The divisiveness in our country won’t heal overnight. It will take a lot of work to bring civility back into focus and it’s our job, our responsibility as individuals to use our power to get the country back on the right track and closer together again.

Each day I have a choice and so do you to do all it takes to be a decent civilized human being and treat other human beings with respect. Our well-being and mental health would be enhanced if we would all aim to be respectful and display civility.

Please do make the choice to be an example, live life with civility—politely and courteously relate to others especially those with whom you disagree!

We, the people, desperately need you too—together we will make a difference!

Do Contact Me if you would like to learn more and be supported as you nurture your mental health and bring civility back into your life.

JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools