My Loved One’s Substance Abuse Is Just Too Much!

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How do I talk to my loved one about their drinking?

It is so hard to watch a loved one with a substance abuse problem. They keep drinking too much over and over and over. You want them to stop and join the family again, not behave in ways that are so hurtful. You want to say something, to tell them to stop. Perhaps you have and even pleaded with them.

You cannot force someone to stop their substance abuse.

You can be open and honest about your concerns. The choice to stop is up to them to make and do. It is common for loved ones to react with defensiveness, anger, to lash out and even deny that their drinking is a problem when concerns are brought up to them.

Tips for talking to a loved one about their drinking

Some do’s:
-Find a time when your love one is not or has not been recently drinking and you are both calm.
-Find a quiet private place where you won’t be interrupted. Turn off your phone.
-Tell your loved one in a caring way about your concerns with their drinking, the effect it’s having on their health, your relationship and your family.
-Be neutral and compassionate. It’s important not to judge your loved one’s behavior or try to shame them. Choose your words carefully—rehearse ahead of time.
-Encourage your loved one to open up with you.
-Do expect pushback and denial.
-Give your loved one time and space to come to terms with your concerns.

Some don’ts:
-Don’t take negative reactions personally or let the reactions get under your skin.
-Don’t threaten, punish, bribe, preach, make ultimatums. These gestures will only add to the problem and increase your loved one’s reasons to drink and feelings of guilt.
-Don’t cover up or make excuses for your loves one’s behavior. Shielding someone from their responsibilities prevents them from seeing the negative consequences of their drinking which delays them from getting help.
-Don’t blame yourself—you are not to blame for their drinking or responsible for their behavior and you can’t make them change.

Encourage your loved one to seek substance abuse treatment.

When the time is right encourage your loved one to reach for help. Do realize however that your loved one needs to initiate these steps. They will need support, guidance and to learn new coping skills.
You can offer to sit with them while they call to make appointments or get information about treatment options. You can offer to accompany them to their doctor, counseling or group sessions. It is ultimately up to your loved one. Importantly do offer ongoing support and love as your dear one makes their way towards a recovery journey!

If you live in the greater Holland, MI area your loved one is welcome to Contact Me to start in person Substance Abuse Treatment!

And remember, it is important for you to seek support for yourself too! Therapy can help you learn new ways to communicate and take better care of yourself!

Do Contact Me today to start your own recovery journey! I offer both in person and virtual therapy counseling sessions.

JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools!