Home » Blog » Facing Empty Spaces

Facing Empty Spaces

grief counseling holland,mi

Precious memories

I find it fascinating how my body knows and remembers things. It was around this time a year ago that I purposely went to my parents home when my sister was there visiting. I don’t always visit when she does. I had a sense it was going to be the last time we’d be together as a family. It turns out that was correct.

My sister took tons of pictures of my parents that visit which isn’t something she ever did in the past either. She even did a short video of dad and her singing a fun tune. Interesting isn’t it!

A dear friend of mine had a hydrangea plant in her yard she wanted to get rid of and gave it to me to give to my mom. I took it over that weekend and all four of us planted it together. That is one of the very last experiences we had together as a family and a very special memory to hold.

As this month has wound its way towards the middle and on to the end, my mind and body are remembering a year ago. It was a time of concern and uneasiness as my dad’s surgery loomed on the horizon.

I find myself missing my dad, feeling sad, being more tearful and out of sorts than I’ve been too. I don’t have as much patience as I normally do either and I tire more readily.

I know this is all a part of the process of grieving. I also know it is important to give myself quiet down time to allow all that needs to come forth do just that.

There is a wonderful little book my mom received from a friend called “Grief Therapy” by Karen Katafiasz and published by Abby Press. I picked up a copy. It has short verse like meditations in it that are packed with wisdom and sweet illustrations that warm my heart. I looked at it initially after my dad died and have found myself picking it up once again.

It takes time to grieve.

.
Ms. Katafiasz says to “Give yourself time to grieve. It may take several years just to accept the finality of the loss, that someone is gone forever, and even more to work through your emotions.”

It is interesting how some ten months later it can still feel unbelievable that it happened! That span of time is only momentary but it does still happen to me.

My mom is in the process of letting go of my dad’s things from his clothes to his tools. I find myself in turmoil over this action. In ways I want so for things to be the same. For moments it feels almost cruel too, as though she is getting rid of him! It feels too soon to me. I do not want to see the empty spaces where he once lived. That reality is incredibly sad.

I can’t imagine just how painful it must be for my mom to live amongst his things and have to let them all go and face those empty spaces. Her courage is amazing.

So, for today as Ms. Katafiasz suggests that I do, I am respecting the power that my grief has, recognizing the surprising ways it is affecting me and trying to be gentle with myself. Grieving is hard work to do!

What are some experiences and feelings you are working to accept?

Contact Me to get started with Grief Therapy today!