Mental Health Awareness: Election Grief

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Why am I so out of sorts, numb, angry, even sad?

Believe it or not but election grief is a real thing. There are many kinds of losses.

Most of our understanding of grief however is based on losses that are clear ones like the death of a loved one. Many losses however are with situations that are unclear—like a loved one missing in action and the unknown if they will come back or be found. Or loss situations that are beyond our control—like the Covid pandemic when there was nothing we could do but learn to live with all the uncertainty. These are ambiguous losses.

“Ambiguous loss” is a term coined by Pauline Boss back in the 1970’s when she was a therapist working with the wives of soldiers missing in action during the Vietnam War.

Election grief is an ambiguous loss.

What losses resulting from the election might you be experiencing?

-the loss of hopes and dreams for a future you thought your candidate would bring
-the loss of a future that you wanted
-the loss of trust that the world is a safe place
-the loss of freedom over your body
-the loss of support for or from your neighbor and people who are different from you

How is election grief different?

There are no rituals, no funerals, no death certificate, no support, no comfort offered from others. We are just rather stuck in it and with it. It’s not clear either that you’ve actually lost something because you can’t see it. It is our perceptions that define exactly what has been lost. Our perceptions are unique to each one of us.

So how can I cope with this ambiguous election grief?

Some things to remember:
It is normal to grieve when you are experiencing something you didn’t expect, don’t like, came on suddenly and unexpectedly. In fact, it is a major loss. Accept it as one.

It is normal to feel angry and sad and numb and even scared or helpless and powerless too. Accept all your emotions.

It’s normal to carry sadness with us when we are attached to something, someone, some idea and lose it. It’s normal to remember it and not forget it, feel it years later as we reflect back. We don’t have to forget it either.

Some things to do:
Do something you can control in your house, your family, for yourself—do something that requires action and makes your body move.

Reflect on what is important to you, what you care about in yourself, you family, your community, the nation, the world. Write it down.

Cultivate your tolerance for uncertainty—go do something different, something new, get to know people you who are very different than you are. Stretch yourself.

Channel your energy into doing something to help bring change in your community, your family or in yourself. Change helps keep us going. Get yourself involved.

Importantly honor your grief. Be kind to yourself. This is a very difficult time. You are having a normal grief reaction to something you didn’t want to happen or expect it would either. Give yourself the space and time your need to grieve your loss. And know it’s ok to do so!

And know it’s ok to reach out for grief therapy if you need more support. Do Contact Me!

JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools

Information for this post was acquired from:
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/election-grief-is-real-heres-how-to-cope/