It’s so unfair….

This kind of thinking if left to percolate can boil up a hefty amount of depression and anxiety too!

Just how many times have you uttered those words? Thought those words? Even screamed those words out loud? My guess is way more than once in your lifetime. I know I have.

I remember hearing many years ago for the first time: ‘Life is a bitch and then you die’. I was appalled at the time because the individual saying those words meant it with all conviction. And I did not want that to be the case for this or any person to believe.

Reality is: life is unfair. Plain and simple.

And if you think about it, what is ‘unfair’ often depends on which side of the fence you happen to be on. Someone wins someone loses. Someone’s moral compass is different than the norm. Someone is very human and makes a mistake. Someone sees from a different perspective.

Bottom line is, it didn’t go my way! It didn’t go the ‘right’ way! And, I really don’t like it!

So much of what is unfair in life are things we do not have control over.

And no matter how hard we try we really can not change the fact that life is still not fair. We can however end up miserable, view ourselves as helpless victims, get stuck wallowing in our anger, push people away due to our negativity, become so stressed out we have mental health and physical health problems because of it.

All because we can’t accept the reality that life is simply unfolding as life does. It’s a series of events. And our opinions about the fairness or unfairness of it all won’t change life from being life happening as it happens to happen.

And yet, we very much do have control over how we react to those unfair life events that are outside of our control. Therein lies our power! A very great power too.

We have the power to discern what we can and cannot change, what we can and cannot control. We have the power to accept that which we cannot change and control too—it is not necessary to agree with it but to be simply able to acknowledge what has happened. When we stop fighting against what is we actually take control of ourselves in ways that allows us to take steps forward rather than staying stuck in an emotional tantrum.

So, take a deep breath or 2 or 3 the next time you start thinking ‘it’s so unfair’, calm your system down and ask yourself if this is something you have any control over or not. Remember you can’t control others, you can decide how you will react—this is your power to not allow something you have no control over, no ability to change to take control of you!

Bad things happen every day. The good news is that us humans are in fact pretty darn resilient! If human kind were not, none of us at all would be here today.

Pause and think about a challenging experience in your past, something you really didn’t want to have occur but it did. What did you do to resolve it? Just how did you do that? What qualities, inner resources, strength’s that you have helped you get through it? Name them out loud or write them down. This is your resilient self. Honor him/her/them. Remember your resilient self is standing right here with you all the time. Ready in a moment’s notice to help you cope with the next challenge life presents in your direction.

Sometimes it is really really hard to let stuff go.

Rather than let it fester inside get it out. Talk about it with a trusted good listener friend, write it out—journaling is a helpful way to get things out, draw or paint your emotions, sometimes simply talking out loud and hearing yourself say the words can help.

Sometimes it feels like there is nothing but ugly unfairness all around

The news, social media does focus on the bad stuff that goes on in the world around us. It’s easy to let the headlines get in our way of seeing other things going on too…like when someone says hello, holds a door open, thanks you, offers to help, compliments you, just smiles at you, does something that that makes you smile, gives you a hug, says they love you, sends you a card or note. All those wonderful little things add up each day. And, it can be easy to set them aside when those nasty headlines are flashed in our faces. It’s important to remember all the other things that are presented to us each day and hold them in full view!

If you just can’t get beyond ‘it’s so unfair’ no matter how hard you try…

Counseling can help you process your experiences and emotions and acquire coping tools so you can learn how to accept that which you cannot change or control. And, prevent you from experiencing periods of depression and anxiety too.

Remember…life is life, unfolding as it does no matter how fair or unfair we think it is.

Living it fully requires us to accept all that comes our way. With that calm acceptance we can make a difference in places and situations that can lead to positive change in all kinds of ways, especially inside our own selves and our own lives!

Do Contact Me begin Anxiety Therapy or Depression Therapy today!

JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools