My Very First Blog Page

This is an exciting day as I am writing my very first blog post for my very own website that I would never have dreamed doing a week ago! It has been a series of events that once again in my life I realize have brought me to this very moment in time! All meant to be, all cascading on a life time series of events that have taught me, shaped me, helped me be right here right now writing this very sentence. It is absolutely amazing to have this realization and be right here in this very moment!

Just a few moments ago I had the experience of recognizing that I am much closer to my dad who died last October than I have ever felt before in my life! I can feel his presence in a very odd way watching over me, guiding me, giving me strength to take this risk and start this website and write this blog post for you to read.

I’ve been closer emotionally to my mom all my life. Dad was there and I always knew he loved me and that I could count on him but he was off working either at his jobs or putzing at home. This is because he was programmed by age 4 to work hard on his family farm—sadly he was the family work horse. And it is what he knew to do.

His skills at working hard provided a great financially solid experience for me as a kid. I never worried about my parents finances. They were not rich by any means but lived with in their means—a great skill I learned from them for which I am grateful. But we had a very nice house, family trips, nice clothes, medical care, dental care, family dinners and I learned to work hard too another life skill for which I am grateful. My mom worked hard too.

So dad was farther away being busy and taking his job of provider very responsibly. And I was there with mom and my sister. And whilst having a more emotionally charged relationship with my mom, in a not so easy to live with kind of way, this dynamic connected me to her. And I would talk more to her than to my dad.

Let it be said that many of my mom’s perspectives, behaviors, qualities that have bugged the crap out of me over the years for example controlling I also possess….and of course NEVER wanted to be this way either. (I hate owning that too!) And this actually tied me to her even more to her as well.

So in missing my dad this morning I realized this very special closeness that I wasn’t able to share with him while he was living that now in his death I’ve been giving the gift of experiencing…and yes, I am crying as I write these words for you to read…thanks Dad for still being here for me! (written on 3/16/14)

What risks have you dreamed of taking in your career/life but not had the right moment of realization just yet to act upon?