To Bully or not to Bully…

“Bullying is a form of aggressive behavior in which someone intentionally and repeatedly causes another person injury or discomfort. Bullying can take the form of physical contact, words or more subtle actions.

The bullied individual typically has trouble defending him or herself and does nothing to “cause” the bullying.” http://www.apa.org/topics/bullying/

There is an awful lot of bullying going around of late in our country and not just kids doing things to each other but sadly adults who really are supposed to know better are bullying too.

It seems to me that permission is granted in a way to do wrongly unto others as we watch the current political campaign news unfold each day. I’ve experienced usually respectful adults on the attack. Perhaps they too have been influenced to lash out because of political events in this country.

Bullying has to stop. Plain and simple bullying someone is just wrong.

It certainly does not feel good to be on the receiving end of someone’s inappropriately displayed aggressive behavior. It can be difficult to respond too when caught off guard in a surprise and public attack.

It costs us all when someone is bullied.

“Mona O’Moore of the Anti-Bullying Centre at Trinity College in Dublin, has written, “There is a growing body of research which indicates that individuals, whether child or adult, who are persistently subjected to abusive behavior are at risk of stress related illness which can sometimes lead to suicide”. Those who have been the targets of bullying can suffer from long term emotional and behavioral problems. Bullying can cause loneliness, depression, anxiety, lead to low self-esteem and increased susceptibility to illness.” https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bullying

And those who do the bullying pay a price too for lashing out as they do.

“Studies have shown that envy and resentment may be motives for bullying. Research on the self-esteem of bullies has produced equivocal results. While some bullies are arrogant and narcissistic, they can also use bullying as a tool to conceal shame or anxiety or to boost self-esteem: by demeaning others, the abuser feels empowered. Bullies may bully out of jealousy or because they themselves are bullied. Psychologist Roy Baumeister asserts that people who are prone to abusive behavior tend to have inflated but fragile egos. Because they think too highly of themselves, are frequently offended by the criticisms and lack of deference of other people, and react to this disrespect with violence and insults.” https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bullying
It can be hard in our unhappiness with any given situation to determine a way to approach someone that will not create unnecessary distress to the person we need to confront.

I am guilty of having attacked others on occasion with my words when I was emotionally distressed, had not thought it all through and gotten hold of my emotions first. I have deeply regretted my behaviors after my mistakes were made and I realized the hurt I caused. I felt shame and remorse and tried to make amends as best I was able.

We can fortunately learn and grow from our mistakes. We all make them. It is just a part of being a human being. It just is.

But first we have to recognize that bullying someone is not okay to do and stop letting ourselves be influenced by the events and people we see on the news each day telling us just the opposite with their own bullying behaviors blown up and voiced for millions to witness over and over and over again.

We need to call a spade a spade and see a bully for who he/she is…a person with deeply embedded emotional problems in need of serious internal work.

After all, love wins. Hate diminishes us all.

What will you do to assure that you do not end up bullying someone when you are distressed over something in your life?