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I began reflecting on how life might have been like 100 years ago when very few people had electricity in their homes…it wasn’t until 1925 that even half of the households in the US had electricity! Even in the 1930’s if you lived in a farm house in the country you likely didn’t have electricity! That really doesn’t seem all that long ago to me.
It’s hard to imagine what it was like trying to stay warm and being able to see well enough on grey cloudy days and when it was dark outside to do much inside the house.
I am terribly spoiled. I wouldn’t have survived long 100 years ago! As it was I certainly was very happy when the power went back on and did so earlier doing than expected too.
It was however nice to just sit and enjoy the fire with the cats who also are spoiled and needed to cuddle with us to keep warm. There was no TV to watch, limited internet and cell phone use since we didn’t want to use up the batteries too soon just in case. And without the furnace making its noise we heard more of the birds busily chirping outside and the fire crackling inside. We made coffee with an old camping stove and boy did it hit the spot! It was a simple morning of just being.
I take so many things for granted…till the power goes out that is and I go without and find myself grateful for having those conveniences that I rely on so readily yet think so little about each day! I am especially grateful for all the crews of people who were out in the nasty cold weather we had fixing what needed to be repaired so that I could once again easily go about my day staying warm and in the light.
Yet there was real comfort in simply enjoying the light and warmth of the flickering fire and savoring my hot coffee that no amount of technology can ever provide!
What simple things bring real comfort to you?
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My poor crocuses were covered with a cold white blanket! And, I’ve worn my winter boots again too!
It’s getting harder for me to be patient for spring weather to get here and stay here. My bad case of cabin fever is getting worse. I am so eager to be outside digging in the dirt once again. Today that feels like it’s going take forever to happen. The world outside my window has been white once again.
Mother Nature does like to have her fun with us!
It would be better for me to share in the joy of her folly than dread yet another day trudging about in the snow and cold…so…the snow does brighten it up outside and it did stick to the trees limbs and bushes making for a pretty display.
Once again I have a choice where I focus my mind…wishing for something other than what is certainly doesn’t allow for a smile on my face or in my heart.
What joys can you experience in the “what is” in your life right now?
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For years after that I hoped even out loud that the Easter Bunny would do it again but she only did that kind of hunt once. I certainly had fun looking for and finding the goodies carefully and lovingly hidden and filling up my basket. I can still see a bag filled with jelly beans in my mind.
There was another memorable year when the Easter Bunny actually left my sister and I each a live bunny…what I remember is a trail of bunny poop after the bunnies were found and released from under the kitchen sink to wander the house! I imagine they were not allowed to wander too long or far given the trail they left behind. I know they ended up living outside in a cage and I recall that another more suitable home was found for them.
It is comforting to think back on these fond and special memories.
I am grateful that my parents provided these special experiences and times for me to enjoy and with tear filled eyes now savor in my memory.
What special memories do you have of some early childhood spring time experiences?
We’ve finally made it to spring or so says the calendar anyway. It’s been rather cold here in West Michigan. The snow has melted except for a very few ugly dark piles but the wind keeps blowing frigid air our way.
I have a dozen little purple crocus in my front yard that popped up about 3 weeks ago and have been opening up when the sun warms them up enough and closing down when they are too cold…much like me.
The song birds have returned too. I enjoy hearing their wonderful tunes. They seem to brighten up the sunshine even more for me and warm my heart when that chilly air hits my face.
I have a bad case of cabin fever…it’s been a long winter and I am eager to spend more time outside again when the temperatures finally warm up. It’s hard for me to be patient as the earth slowly warms up. The crocus and song birds are welcomed visions of things to come. They along with the sunshine bring hope.
Hope: “a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen” according to the on line dictionary.
“Hope is an optimistic state of mind that is based on an expectation of positive outcomes with respect to events and circumstances in one’s life or the world at large” says Wikipedia.
This winter it’s been hard at moments to have much hope when the nightly news reports gun violence time and time again, politicians in Washington repeatedly are unable to work together to make change happen, and on going White House tweets bully people with words and tones that are just plain wrong for any adult to do to another human being and terribly sad and embarrassing to see coming from the White House itself. It’s felt dark and ugly at times.
Where I focus my attention affects my emotions.
Those little purple crocus and noisy little song birds bring hope that shines right through all the ugly darkness. It’s the little everyday joys that are important to soak up and savor. They help remind us that there is indeed balance in life. We just need to be sure to take notice!
What little joys in your everyday life bring you hope and balance?
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Some times I enjoy drinking herbal tea. A couple of the brands I’ve found have short often wise sayings on the tag of each bag of tea. One caught my interest recently: “The gate to happiness is self-compassion”. This one strikes me as particularly useful and I’ve kept it. As the saying goes: we are often our own worst enemy! Just how true that can be for me, too.
“The gate to happiness is self-compassion” seems like a good way to counter being my very own worst enemy!
Kristen Neff, a psychologist who has researched and written about self-compassion says, “Having compassion for oneself is really no different than having compassion for others.”
According to Neff, compassion involves noticing that someone is suffering, being so moved by that persons suffering that your heart responds to their pain so much that you feel warmth, caring, and the desire to help the suffering person in some way. Rather than judge them, you offer understanding and kindness to others when they fail or make mistakes. You realize that suffering, failure, and imperfection is just a part of being human.
“Self-compassion involves acting the same way towards yourself when you are having a difficult time, fail, or notice something you don’t like about yourself. Instead of just ignoring your pain with a “stiff upper lip” mentality, you stop to tell yourself “this is really difficult right now,” how can I comfort and care for myself in this moment?”, Neff states.
As I think about her definition of self-compassion it makes sense to me that the gate to happiness does in fact go right through self-compassion! It can be so easy to give someone we hold dear compassion when they need it and so very hard to give that same regard to ourselves.
There is a saying—treat others the way you would like to be treated…just perhaps the real key is to treat ourselves as we would like to be treated! The reward for so doing is feeling a happiness deep within ourselves for simply being human.
How might you remember to acknowledge when you are suffering and offer comfort and care for yourself?
If you would like to learn more tools for self care of the one very important you, do Contact Me. We can journey down the ‘you deserve to take very good care of you’ path together!
This week in my yard a tiny little white snow drop flower budded out announcing that spring is right around the corner. I also see crocus coming up and the very tops of my daffodils are protruding above the ground! The earth is very slowly beginning to come alive once more.
Generally, I get pretty excited when I see the first flowers making their debut! It means we’ve all survived yet another winter. I appreciate the sunshine, color and warmth these early arrivals bring. They see me through the rest of what Mother Nature brings us as winter winds itself down and out. There is hope.
Nothing is forever or stays the same.
When we see tragedies unfolding as they all too often do these days we can use it as a reminder to be grateful for all that we have in this one very moment. We never do know what a day will bring do we?
Each day unfolds as it does. We can make gratitude be a constant in a sea of constant change.
We can ride out all the winters that living brings our way by observing the hints of spring that each day offers us too. And relish in the fresh awareness that gratitude brings.
Just what are you grateful for today?
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But what differs in Australia is that their law makers actually did something to stop it from happening again.
“Within just weeks of that tragedy, elected officials in each of Australia’s six states and two mainland territories—pressed forward by police chiefs across the continent and by the then-newly elected prime minister— banned semi-automatic and other military style weapons across the country. The federal government of Australia prohibited their import, and lawmakers introduced a generous nationwide gun buyback program, funded with a Medicare tax, to encourage Australians to freely give up their assault-style weapons. Amazingly, many of them did,” according to a 2018 Time article.
The people of Australia a land of tough outback survivors that had never embraced government regulations especially about guns did just that. And in the 22 years since there have been no further mass shootings in Australia!
“In 2002, a student at Monash University in Melbourne shot two people dead and injured five others. He came to his rampage with six handguns, not an assault rifle. Australian lawmakers added a new National Handgun Agreement, a separate buyback act, and a reformulated gun trafficking policy to their legislative arsenal,” according to a 2018 Time article.
And guess what—there hasn’t been a similar shooting spree since!
“Gun violence in general declined over the following two decades to a nearly unimaginable degree. In 2014, the latest year for which final statistics are available, Australia’s murder rate fell to less than 1 killing per 100,000 people—a murder rate one-fifth the size of America’s. “ according to 2018 article in Time.
Imagine that! Australia is a place that kids can go to school without wondering if they will be safe. Families can go to church and public events without looking over their shoulders with worry. We can’t do that here in the US can we?
We obviously can learn a lot from the Australian people about what works to end gun violence.
The White House proposes a way to keep kids safe in schools is to have teachers carry concealed guns in schools and shoot to kill.
There are roughly 3,200,000 teachers in the US. The cheapest hand gun I noticed on line was selling for $127, a Cobra Arms Freedom .380 model. It would cost $406,400,000 to arm that many teachers with this gun. It costs $95 for the cheapest a one day training course necessary to carry a concealed weapon in Michigan that I noticed on line. It would cost $304,000,000 for all these teachers to attend that training. Keep in mind however that law enforcement officers receive 60 hours of fire arm skills training and 51 hours of self-defense training at a police academy. I highly doubt that after a very basic training course one is prepared and skilled enough to shoot to kill in a highly stressful situation. It costs $115 for a permit in Michigan to carry a concealed weapon which each teacher would need to have or $368,000,000 for that number of permits assuming all states have the same fee as Michigan. The grand total of this measure could cost us tax payers an estimated hefty: $1,078,400,000.
If this were a measure that would ensure an end to gun violence nationwide it would certainly be worth any price tag. But it’s not. It just adds more not less guns into a Nation already saturated.
Who stands to gain once again are gun manufacturers and the NRA! They continue to line the pockets of our politicians who seemingly work for them!
We need legislation that will put an end to the selling and distribution of weapons that keep killing us like they instituted in Australia. We need to stand up to our law makers and make our voices heard before yet another mass shooting occurs!
Will you write or call your Congressional Representatives and Senators today to make your voice heard and demand that they learn from our Australian friends?
You can use this address to find contact information for your elected officials:
https://www.usa.gov/elected-officials
This week I’ve been wondering just how many more people need to die before this country does SOMETHING to curb gun violence.
2996 people died on 9/11 and we did something about that…
2403 people died at Pearl Harbor and we did something about that…
From 2004 to 2014, 303 Americans were killed in terrorist attacks worldwide, according to State Department reports and we’ve tried to so something about that… But during that same time frame, 320,523 Americans were killed because of gun violence and we’ve not really done anything about that… ( http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2015/oct/05/viral-image/fact-checking-comparison-gun-deaths-and-terrorism-/ )
In 2015 some 13,286 people were killed in the US by firearms, according to the Gun Violence Archive…we’ve really not done anything to make this number who die each year go down rather than up.
Did you know that:
-Gun homicides are a common cause of death in the United States, killing about as many people as car crashes (not counting van, truck, motorcycle or bus accidents). (https://www.nytimes.com/2016/06/14/upshot/compare-these-gun-death-rates-the-us-is-in-a-different-world.html
-Since 1968, more than 1.5 million Americans have died in gun-related incidents, according to data the U.S Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. By comparison, approximately 1.2 million service members have been killed in every war in U.S. history, according to estimates from the Department of Veterans Affairs and iCasualities.org, a website that maintains an ongoing database of casualties from the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. ( https://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/las-vegas-shooting/more-americans-killed-guns-1968-all-u-s-wars-combined-n807156 )
I find these statistics rather chilling and keep wondering just how many more people need to die before we as a people stand up and say enough is enough to the powerful gun lobby and manufacturers who clearly have a hold on our elected officials.
We rally when yet another mass shooting incident occurs for a brief moment as our hearts go out to those suffering with their losses. Then nothing changes. And another mass shooting unfolds and catches our attention and our hearts yet once again. And then nothing changes…it goes on and on and on. And nothing changes.
The truth is that any one of us could be the next victim in a mass shooting! It could be you or me or someone we love or someone we know…it could happen at the school or church just down the street or the concert you’ve looked forward to attending or the next community event your family goes to. No one is immune or safe from this reality anymore!
What can and will you do to make this stop?
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The sun making a rare appearance helps me to remember to appreciate it.
I take so much for granted. The absence of something helps me remember to be grateful for it and recognize the value and meaning it has in my life. In this way we do gain from our losses…opportunities to have gratitude for what matters in our lives.
When I feel gratitude I also do connect with feelings of joy. It’s a powerful perspective to be grateful.
For me, even something as simple as seeing the sun is an opportunity for moments of gratitude. It is the simple things in life that bring us joy. It is the little day to day things that mean the most.
So I’ll let the sunshine it and face it with a grin and open up my heart and let the sunshine in!
What simple thing in your life are you grateful for today?
Ain’t what she used to be…ain’t what she used to be…the old gray mare….she ain’t what she used to be…many long years ago!
Boy do I feel that reality! My weekend warrior spring cleaning is taking a toll on this not so young body of mine! The hot pad and topical sore muscle relief cream have become my best friends.
I remember the days when I would vacuum and wash the floors of my house and then go in to work a full day for an afternoon and evening! That would do me in at this stage of the game…ah, youth how quickly you have faded!
I don’t seem to be able to get quite as much done as I once did.
I do need to pace myself, remember that things take me longer to do, and be realistic that I don’t have quite as much endurance and strength as I once did. This is not easy for me to do.
My mind is much younger in its expectations of the rest of my body!
Perhaps it would be helpful if my mind were to catch up with the rest of my body or perhaps not…best be careful what I wish for!
My mind wishes me forever young and I suppose that is what keeps me going and going in pursuit of the good old energizer bunny that I once was!
What do you notice about the changes in your energy level?
I’ve started my winter “spring cleaning” house projects. It’s the time of year I go through drawers and wipe them out, dust the backs of hanging pictures, move the bigger pieces of furniture and clean behind them. That deep kind of cleaning that freshens up the house. I get it done in winter so I can enjoy tending my yard when spring actually comes.
I’ve decided it is time to say goodbye to some of the things I’ve collected over the years that no longer are needed or used. I’m at that point in life that it’s time to let more things go.
It’s interesting how in our early adult lives we work so hard to collect possessions. And in our later adult lives we work hard to let them go.
Our perspective certainly does change during life.
I form attachment to things. They remind me of a time in my life or a person who perhaps gave the thing to me as a gift. This attachment can make it hard for me to let something go.
What once was important isn’t so much at this age and stage of my life. Earlier I was building a life and working hard to do so. I don’t have to build any more.
Attachment to things seems less important as my perspective shifts.
So my winter “spring cleaning” is creating some bigger give away piles and a few less “stuff’s” in closets and on shelves this year. I suspect this is just the beginning of what lies ahead in the next part of my life’s journey too!
What perspectives do you notice changing at this point in your life’s journey?
I so much am a creature of habit who likes things to stay the same. That is unless of course the change is something that I desire, then I go willingly right along with it and pretty easily accept change. But then I don’t want that change to change.
And heaven forbid that a change is unwanted say because it’s hard to deal with…I certainly don’t want THAT kind of change to happen!
And yet our growth or change starts in our mother’s wombs. We are constantly developing, evolving, changing.
I do struggle with the reality of impermanence. I like to cling to what is particularly when it suits me and often letting go is a struggle.
Let’s face it, on a very basic level, we all want pleasant experiences to linger, to hang around; we don’t really want unpleasant things to happen now do we!
So we resist, we fight it and in doing this we create a great deal of suffering for ourselves. My reaction to change makes all the difference. When we accept change, peace follows.
When I pause and recognize my thinking and my struggle–the resistance, the tantrums, the dug in tootsies, it helps me to smile with myself and relax a bit, let go and accept change. Till the next time that is when change hits me between the eyes and I’m knocked off balance once again.
Awareness means I’m a step removed from the thought itself and notice or observe it rather than being consumed or one with it.
It’s not something that comes naturally for me to do either. It’s far more enticing to be all caught up in my thinking than to step back and notice it with some curiosity. My day however tends to go better when I practice noticing my thoughts rather than live in them. I react with more balance to the world around me.
I’m fairly certain the people I encounter appreciate it when I am more in balance with life too!
What happens for you when you take notice of what your thoughts are doing?
Contact Me together in therapy we can explore life coping tools for you to incorporate into your life’s journey!
