JD's Midlife Tools For Living Practices, LLC

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It’s not always easy or simple to figure out how to take good care of myself.

Sometimes self care involves tackling a chore or project so I see and feel the accomplishment of end result. Sometimes it involves down time and extra sleep and not doing much at all.

Sometimes self care involves looking my habits either thinking or doing and making changes to better my life. Sometimes it involves accepting things just as they are including me.

Sometimes self care involves reaching out and connecting with loved ones and friends. Sometimes it involves quiet alone time to sit and just be or to do something I enjoy like reading or knitting or watching a movie that takes me to another place or time.

Sometimes self care involves getting exercise and sometimes it involves getting rest. Sometimes self care involves eating right and sometimes it involves eating chocolate and ice cream.

Self care is nourishment for our spirit.

Taking good care of me isn’t about being selfish it’s about having compassion and knowing that life will be richer when I am filled up once again. It involves pausing to really consider what it is that I need and courageously giving myself the permission to do it.

What do you need right now to take good care of you?

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I did a values clarification exercise at a training I attended last week and my partner picked leisure as her top value in the pile of words we were given to select from. She reminded me that it really is important to have leisure in our lives.

Today I decided to have a leisurely day. I’ve read a good book, played with my cats, walked in the sunshine and will sit and knit soon watching an old movie I think.

Self care comes to those who give it to themselves!

Having a leisurely day is a way that we can take good care and recharge our batteries too. The never ending “to do” list can wait.

What does a day of leisure bring to you?

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Sometimes life can be pretty overwhelming and even small challenges seem like mountains to climb. It’s during these times that focusing on what I am grateful for helps me keep moving forward rather than stuck in negativity because life isn’t smoothly sailing along.

Today I choose gratitude.

I am grateful for the beautiful blue sky and the sun that warmed the air this weekend. I took a walk in the woods at a park nearby and was transformed to what felt like another world a long way away. I needed that.

I’m grateful for the snow drop flower that has budded in my front yard. That makes two different flowers having announced their presence in anticipation of spring. It brought me hope.

I am grateful for three sweet kitties that give me warmth and companionship and bring smiles to my face with their cuteness and the silly things that they do.

I am grateful for my husband’s constant support and love and for all the things he does for us. It is hard to imagine my life without him in it.

I am grateful for the roof over my head and the food I have to eat and the jobs we have that allow us to live a comfortable life.

Life teaches us everyday. The bad news is that we never finish growing. The good news is that we never stop learning.

I am grateful for all that life is teaching me and for all I have learned even from the rocky hard times because they definitely help me grow.

What do you choose to be grateful for today?


Guess what? Today I found a primrose blooming in my yard! What a surprise it was finding it. I’m delighted to see the pretty pink flower too. It’s a sign that winter is edging its way towards spring.

The sun popped out after a gloomy morning and the sky is a beautiful blue. It brightened my day. The cats have been basking in the sun as it streams through the windows. My husband joined me this afternoon for a walk in the sunshine. We are all soaking it in.

I’m so grateful to have a glimpse of the sun and a hint that spring is on its way.

It’s the simple things that bring meaning and pleasure to life. They are available to us every day too. We just have to take notice and let them in.

What is a simple pleasure that you are enjoying today?

safe, holland, mi

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Feeling safe?

There is a lot of misinformation going around and it sure can be hard to know what and who to believe. Including about whether we are actually safe or not.

Am I really safe or not?

I learned this week that we are actually living in the safest time ever in human history. Let that soak in for a minute. If you are at all like me it certainly doesn’t feel like that is a fact but it is.

If you doubt this reality just take a look at what the statistics show:
https://ourworldindata.org/slides/war-and-violence/#/title-slide

Remember you are really safe!

It is important that we don’t allow ourselves to live in fear filled with anxiety when in reality it is not necessary. You are safe. Let yourself relax. Breathe and relax your tense muscles!

A simple body scan paired with focused breathing can help.

Start by taking in some deep breaths and let your mind focus on your inhales and exhales for a minute. Then start with your forehead and notice if you are holding any tension in those muscles and relax your forehead as you exhale. Next is your jaw tense? Relax your jaw as you exhale. Is your neck tense? Relax it as you exhale. Then your shoulders, upper back, lower back, chest, stomach, upper arms, lower arms, hands and fingers, buttocks, thighs, calves, feet and toes. Just work your way slowly down your body inhaling and noticing tension and exhaling and releasing it.

In a short time you can relax your body and your anxious mind can relax too!

Do you feel safe? What will you do to relax your anxious mind?

Do Contact Me together in Anxiety Therapy we can explore life coping tools for you to incorporate into your life’s journey!

coping tools, holland,MI

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Where did my wise mind guide go?

I seem to have lost my wise mind guide. It’s not easy to find balance and make decisions at times especially when I have strong emotional reactions to things outside of my control. When I locate my wise mind, that balance of emotion and reason, she helps guide me. I am calmer and more centered. Life becomes a little easier when I am not stuck in a negative emotionally reactive place. Those big emotions get in my way!

Wise mind involves intuition, a knowing, a sense that something feels right way down deep inside.

We all have a wise mind inside us. It is that place where emotion and reason over lap. Neither one alone is enough to produce intuitive wisdom. We need them both to work together.

When I ignore that wise voice inside I generally have regretted it. Things don’t turn out so well.

Using wise mind takes practice.

I keep learning to pause and listen and respond as my wise mind suggests. Sometimes I have to quiet the noise of my emotional self with a few deep breaths before I can hear what my wise mind suggests. I can’t hear that intuitive wisdom if my emotions are too intense. They over take me. And I can end up reacting emotionally rather than wisely. So I have to calm that emotion part of my brain first.

My wise mind is there to guide me. I’ve come to trust her to steer me in a productive direction too. She helps me take the next right step I need to take! Yours can too!

How might you invite your wise mind to join you?

Do Contact Me together in therapy we can explore life coping tools for you to incorporate into your life’s journey!

By Mobilus In Mobili – Women’s March on Washington, CC BY-SA 2.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=55796823


My weekend’s been filled with a bad case of inauguration blues. Since the election actually my mood has been rather gray over all.

The Women’s March offered some inspiration and hope with so many coming together for a common purpose. We cannot fall backwards and lose the progress the world has made. We just can’t. We just won’t. Will we?

That requires us each of us to get involved.

My husband reminded me about complacency that has been hovering over this country for some time. We are quick to be outraged and quick to forget and move on too. And that includes me.

Perhaps just perhaps the best outcome of this election is a reality that we just won’t be outraged over and quick to forget and move on. But rather a reality that motivates us to come together and stay together to make certain the progress humanity has made isn’t undermined.

We the people have a power far greater than just one no matter whom that one happens to be.

It’s often hard for me to see and accept that “everything is as it should be”. Could this be the reason for the election turning out as it has… a more involved and vocal people who command a voice to let freedom ring? I certainly hope so!

Today I’m asking myself how I can get more involved. Will you?

What will you do to make your voice heard?

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One of our local news channels reported earlier this week that since December 1st we’ve experienced only 11 percent of sunshine available to us. No wonder I have had a bit of the blahs!

West Michigan is up near the top of the areas in the country that have minimal sunshine in the winter months. Fortunately I have a light that I use in the morning while eating my breakfast that helps when it is gray outside to give me some of the elements of sun light. I feel less gray inside using it.

This time of year it is easy to find reasons not to go outside and get my daily exercise. It can be too cold or too slippery. I feel better when I deal with the elements and just do it.

On those really nasty days I have a treadmill that is agony for me to use because it seems to take so long but it does get me a walk.

I do feel better when I get some exercise—that is the prize for enduring.

Today the sun is out and is that a treat! It was easy to go for my walk and soak it in. It’s been wonderful to have the sun streaming though the windows today too.

Seeing the sun sure makes a difference! It just warms me up all over inside and out!

What helps you with the January blahs?


It’s old movie time. When it’s snowy and cold outside it is perfect for snuggling up to an old movie. I’ve seen many movies multiple times and don’t tire of seeing them again and again.

For me the really old black and white movies from the 30’s and 40’s capture my interest and warm my heart. Theses movies seem to connect me to my grandparents and parents generations. I remember watching old movies on TV after school when I was a kid. Movies connect me to my past.

A bit of nostalgia goes along with old movies. In an odd way I feel at home again watching them.

I’m transcended to a time that I can only imagine what life was like. It’s a great escape from the technology driven world I live in.

For a couple of hours the world slows down and the color fades to shades of black, white and gray. People who are long gone come alive again frozen in time.

For a time I am lost in another world where it’s not so cold and snowy and I am warm and cozy inside.

What keeps warms you up on cold winter days?


It is time once again to usher in a brand new year. Time travels more swiftly with each passing year it seems too. Weren’t we just here wondering what 2016 would bring?

As I watch the minutes of my life tick away I increasingly see just how important it is to make mindfulness an intentional practice. I really can’t afford to miss any of those precious minutes I have left to live!

It is so easy to get all caught up in my head and as a result miss so much of what is really going on around me. Living in the past revisiting what has happened or into a future that we create keeps us from fully being alive and present in this very moment.

We all do this too. It is just what human beings do with this wonderful brain we’ve been given.

It takes practice, intentional practice to keep from parking up in our heads thinking away the minutes and hours of our lives!

To practice a mindful focus I use my senses to notice what I am seeing, hearing, tasting, smelling, touching and completely take it all in. It is the basics of life that I become aware of and experience. I don’t separate myself from life by my thinking and judgments.

I simply experience life as life unfolds.

When I am more fully present in this very moment no matter what it is bringing to me, I am more apt to find a peace with what is and for this I can be grateful.

Mindfulness and gratitude…May you take these gifts into this New Year with you!
Happy New Year to you!

What do you see, hear, taste, smell, and touch right this very moment?


My Dear Gentle Reader-
I wish for you some quiet moments this holiday season.

In the stillness deep within may you find peace and joy in your heart to lighten the load of your life’s journey.

In your memories may you find gratitude for the many gifts you’ve been given as you reflect on your past as we do this time of year.

In the presence of this moment as you mindfully follow your breath may you find a calm to rest your mind and body.

In the gift of right here right now may you find a simple pleasure to delight and bring you a smile.

Quiet moments, simple pleasures, the peace and joy that stillness brings, gratitude and calm are yours for the taking….will you ever so kindly give these gifts to yourself this holiday season and beyond it too?
A very Happy Holiday to you!
Jude

Whatever the day brings we do have the ability to approach it with a spirit of peace inside even in the most challenging situations.

At times this however is hard for me to do. All too often I become blown by the winds around me and out of sync within myself.

It is when I quiet my mind and tune into the harmony of my inner self that I find peace.

I can intentionally stop and take a few deep breaths and calm my mind and body. When I practice gently focusing on inhaling and exhaling, my body and mind instinctively relax. My pulse slows and steadies.

By noticing my breath, I relax into a state of peace and feel a sense of harmony, belonging and comfort. The chaos dissipates and the winds of my mind grow calm again.

I exist only in this present moment and peace prevails once more.

How might you make breath focus practice a part of your day?

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