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JD's Midlife Tools For Living Practices, LLC
This is a perfect day to make time to be sweet on your very own self, not just those special Valentine’s in your life. Why not woo yourself like you would anyone else!
We are generally better at giving to others than we are to ourselves. Let this day be a reminder to give to you too.
Fix a cup of your favorite tea or hot chocolate and curl up with an afghan and a good book, or take a luxurious soak in the tub with a candle or two and your favorite scented bubbles surrounding you. And, don’t forget to tell yourself that you love you.
Ever write a love letter to yourself? In honor of Valentine’s Day you can make it all pretty with hearts and even sparkles and mail it to yourself. Tell the things you like/love about you, things about you for which you are grateful and appreciate, things about you that make you glad you are you. Be sure to include that you are loved and cared for by you too. What would it be like to receive such a letter written by you to you?
I hope you will take a few moments of time today to do something extra special for that wonderful person called YOU! Will you be your very own Valentine?
What will you to do to be your very own Valentine today?
For several years I started my day lighting a candle, reading a meditation and focusing on my breath and on the candle flame. This practice helped center me and prepare me for the day ahead. I would do this of course after my first morning cup of coffee!
Last year in the midst of all the change I was experiencing I stopped lighting the candle and focusing on my breath. My morning routine had changed and I didn’t seem to have the time to fit it in.
Recently, I decided to restart this part of my daily practice. It feels good to give this back to me and work it into my morning routine. My mind, body and spirit missed this special time. I realized the loss once I started doing it again.
It feels like home to sit quietly and watch the candle flicker as I notice my breath coming in and out of my body.
I study the flame as I breathe to help my monkey mind from wandering all over the place. I bring my focus back to the flame and my breath when it wanders away.
It is soothing too. It grounds me. It connects me to the world around me and to the universe. My spiritual self is awakened in the process. I am comforted and feel more whole.
This gift of a few moments of well spent time awaits me each day. It is my choice to open the package and experience where this precious gift takes me today.
What centers you, prepares you for your day and connects you spiritually?
Our little McAllister cat has been sick again this week and went back to the vet for medical help. I am very grateful the additional medications are helping her to get better.
When facing loss or the potential for it, it is so easy for me to deeply appreciate what and who I have in my life. This week my fear of losing McAllister created an opportunity once again to take stock and be grateful for all that life has given to me.
I wonder what my life would be like if I could hold that vividly intense grateful perspective each and every day so close to my heart.
Gratitude is a gift that comes from the hard times life brings to me. My task is to learn make use of that gift each day.
I can learn to weave gratitude into the very fabric of my daily life and hold it whisper close to my heart.
There are opportunities awaiting me every moment of every day to savor and relish!
What in your life are you grateful for today?
It is so easy for me to talk myself into not wanting to do outdoor activity in the winter. I did that yesterday by thinking it was too cold to go for a walk. Yes, it was snowing and blowing but I am amply equipped with all the gear I need to stay toasty warm. I suppose if it is minus 50 that would not be true but it wasn’t that cold yesterday.
This morning I put my warmest winter coat on with just my jammies underneath and my boots and gloves and headed outside and shoveled the driveway. It was snowing and blowing and cold but I was plenty warm.
I talked myself into venturing out this morning. I talked myself into staying inside yesterday. What I tell myself makes such a difference.
Our self-talk is powerful.
We can be our own best friend or worst enemy with the chatter that goes on in our heads.
We make choices every moment to have the thoughts that we think. We are not always aware however, that we do in fact make choices to think the thoughts we let swirl around in our minds.
Our thoughts can be so automatic and programmed that we fail to credit our very own selves with them. They are however ours. Whose else could they possibly be?
We can become more aware of our thoughts and the outcomes that result from the paths that we take in our thinking. An open, non-judgmental, curiosity will allow us to develop a mindful awareness of our thinking. It’s an opportunity to observe our minds in action and affords us the opportunity to make a choice about where our thoughts will lead us.
I can catch thoughts that aren’t so realistic— it’s too cold to go outside, and replace them with those that are more accurate—I do have plenty of layers of warm clothing to keep me from freezing.
There is power in recognizing I have this choice to make! Just like that little engine that could…I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I did it!
Where is your self-talk taking you today?
I have a meditation booklet that has a passage to read each day. Most days I read the passage for the day. I know my day goes better when I do take a few moments to reflect and quietly center myself at the start of the day.
The introduction for this year has a suggestion in it to “live each day looking at the world through eyes of wonder”.
Wow, just imagine what this perspective would bring to each moment of our day!
Just what opportunities would unfold if we look with a fresh pair of wide open eyes to take in the world and notice the crisp clear details we all too often miss? What a gift this would be!
I encourage you to incorporate “eyes of wonder” into the next 363 days of 2016—remember this is a leap year. We’ve been given the present of an extra day this year too!
May you take nothing for granted and receive everything life brings your way in 2016 as a gift!
How might you bring an “eyes of wonder” opportunity into this very day?
Happy New Year’s Eve to you! As we bid 2015 a farewell and look towards a brand new year many of us make resolutions for change in the New Year ahead.
It is important to remember that making changes in our life requires patience, persistence and practice.
It is hard work to create a new habit opportunity and rewarding when we see progress towards our goal. It’s important not to give up on ourselves too soon.
I learned recently that grocery stores order extra vegetables for the first two weeks of the New Year and quickly go back to their normal order quantity because people’s enthusiasm for change diminishes just that fast!
We want change to be easy and in reality it is not.
As we reflect on change opportunities to make in 2016 it is important to consider what we need to let go of—the thoughts, beliefs and patterns that might hold us back from establishing the change opportunities we so want to create.
–What trouble from my past am I ready to release?
–What hurt am I ready to forgive?
–What beliefs keep me stuck in unwanted familiar behaviors?
–What thoughts do I carry that circle round and round and prevent me from moving forward?
–What am I willing to forgive myself for having done?
–What can I do to be more kind and gentle with myself?
–What can I do when the going gets tough and I think about giving up to keep taking steps toward my goal?
Here’s to you and the change opportunities that you want to foster in the New Year ahead!
Wishing you a peaceful Happy New Year!
All the presents are unwrapped, gifts put away, and family visits completed…now what? All the busyness of the season is past me once again. It goes by so quickly too. We plan and anticipate for weeks and then it’s over.
It saddens me a bit too when it’s all said and done. This is such a fun time of the year getting to visit with special people. I wish it didn’t have to end and people didn’t have to go home.
I keep reminding myself that all of life is an opportunity to be experienced.
That includes the opportunity to let go and allow for the opportunity which comes next to present itself. If I don’t let go I can’t be open to fully experience the next opportunity life gives to me. When I stay trapped in my head life goes on around me without me noticing. I miss out when I hang on.
What opportunities is life providing to you today?
It is important to allow space for that pain to be recognized and released, and give ourselves the permission to do so as well.
The opportunity to work with the grief that weighs heavy on our hearts is a gift this season brings to us each year.
There is a hole inside for me created by the key losses in my life. At times the edges have healed some and the tenderness of that wound is mild. This time of year the edges are raw. Releasing my grief helps the hole to heal again. I let go of some of the pain that lays trapped in the depths of that hole. It is released in little bits as time marches on.
Learning how to negotiate our way through the pain of loss is an important life skill. The longer we are alive the more loss we will experience.
It can be difficult to join in the joyfulness and playfulness this season brings if we don’t release the pain that knocks at our hearts door. We have to let go in order to move forward and heal. It does take one step at a time to do so.
How and when will you allow yourself the opportunity to release some of the pain of the losses you carry this holiday season?
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Grief Therapy can be an especially important gift to give yourself during these difficult holiday times.
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It’s that time of year when there is a lot to tend to beyond the regular day to day tasks in our lives. It is easy for me to become overwhelmed trying to get it all done too. I have to remind myself to step back and let things be when the “to do” list and my energy level don’t exactly balance.
This is a good time of year to practice healthy coping skills.
We can practice mindfulness by using our senses to take in the world around us right in the moment we are currently in. Smell the smells, see the colors and textures, hear the sounds, savor the tastes, feel the ground underneath us and describe in our mind what we are experiencing.
We can follow our breath as it enters and exits our body from beginning to end for brief or lengthier periods of time. We can purposefully allow our breath to slow down and calm us.
We can make certain to get plenty of rest and eat healthy foods to give our body the fuel it needs to keep us going. We can keep up with getting regular exercise making that a priority too.
We can make our “to do” list match the time we have available, and remember to keep it simple and our expectations realistic.
We can learn to say no including to ourselves and that one more item we think we just have to get done.
It can be easy to skimp on taking care of ourselves as the days grow closer to the holidays. We pay a price when we do that however. And, so can those around us when our patience level diminishes irritability can get the best of us.We can say and do things later we regret.
We deny ourselves the experience of joy this season can bring when we don’t take care of ourselves and make that an important part of our holiday experience.
My wish for you is to take very good care of yourself this holiday season!
What can you do to practice healthy self care this season?
Our little McAllister has had a rough week. We’ve been doctoring for a couple of months with her this fall. More challenges surfaced this week requiring another trip to the vet. She is a trooper. The look on her face when I loaded her in her carrier was one of resignation and gratitude. Or at least that’s what I interpret the look to be.
This morning she is having problems yet again. And I fret and worry and wish I could make it all better for her. It is hard knowing she doesn’t feel well. I want her to feel better right now.
These imperfect bodies of ours bring us all challenges to deal with. Especially as we get older our bodies change and things do go wrong.
I was eating something several weeks ago and a small chunk of a back tooth came off. My dentist tells me that several of my teeth have cracks in them. I’m wearing them out with each use.
The joys of aging I keep saying, which in reality is a resignation that life brings what it brings. And like McAllister I am grateful to have people that will help try to make my aging body be better again.
I’ve learned however that there are few quick fixes in life.
My little McAllister may need more doctoring. My tooth needed a procedure and that has to heal for several weeks before I can have a crown put on it.
Everything takes time. Patience requires practice.
The good news is that we are offered plenty of opportunities as we get older to practice having patience aren’t we! And, that’s whether we like it or not!
What do you need to practice having more patience with today?
I’m sitting on my couch this morning pondering what to write listening to my little Dunkin cat playing with a toy mouse—her favorite “baby”.
As Dunkin carries her favorite mouse she makes this happy little chirp meowing sound. She will drop it, bat it with her paw, pick it up and take it to a new location to play with some more.
The mouse has a little bell that rings too so we can hear her and it around the house. The tune in her meow is one she uses only when she plays with her special mouse. She sounds very happy as she gallops around singing to her “baby”. She makes my heart smile.
This poor green mouse has been well loved by Dunkin too. I am concerned just how long it will last with its stuffing hanging out. I’ve looked for replacements just in case but haven’t found the exact same one. What will Dunkin do without it?
We all get attached to things, people, routines, and habits that seem to matter and wonder just how we could do with out them.
Life is forever changing.
Things wear out. People leave us. The TV series ends. They stop making a product we’ve grown fond of. The pumpkin pie is all gone.
What matters most is how I deal with the reality that life is forever changing.
Dunkin is so in the moment that I suspect that she will have a far easier time accepting when her sweet “baby” green mouse is no more than I will! I get attached and cling. I want her to be happy and have her “baby” to play with forever.
When I pull myself into the moment I’m in, I do deal better accepting the impermanence of life. I put an end to my suffering whether it is big or small from the want of what will not be. This I have the choice to do. Some moments that choice is easier to see and exercise than others. And, I keep practicing and practicing and practicing.
Dunkin, you make it look so easy to be in the moment…if I could just be more like you!
What aspects of change in your daily life are easier and harder for you to accept?
This upcoming Thanksgiving Holiday is an opportune time to experience the benefit that gratitude brings forth in our lives. As we gather this week with friends and family to enjoy our traditional meal we take time to connect with those people important in our lives. Thankfulness is on our minds.
A grateful heart gives so much to us in our daily lives. It is a simple concept but not so simple for me to practice.
When I want for a certain outcome and make plans based on my wishful
thinking I become disappointed when life doesn’t turn out exactly as I want it to be.
When I focus on what I have instead of what I want to have or what is instead of what I want to be, I am more at peace. Nothing has changed and yet everything is different.
Gratitude is the key that unlocks my serenity.
Thankfully I catch my thoughts more readily as they wander down that wanting/wishful path and can stop myself from continuing that hurtful form of thinking. When I switch my thoughts to reality and appreciate exactly what is, I learn once again the joy that a grateful heart does bring.
I do after all have so very much to be thankful for in this life I have been given. My guess is that you do too.
What is your heart grateful for today?
