Phone: 616-217-9489 | eMail: jude@midlifetoolsforliving.com
JD's Midlife Tools For Living Practices, LLC
Six months ago my dad was recovering from his surgery and I was there with my mom watching over them both hopeful and relieved he had made it through so well because I had that notion something bad was going to happen. My heart is aching today and has been for several days now. Everything feels heavy too physically and emotionally. Grief has a way of grabbing hold of us all over our bodies. It certainly has with mine this week and especially today as I have time to sit and reflect and allow my feelings to surface.
I can’t believe it has been six months too on one hand. And, the other it feels like a life time has passed and six months seems way too short for all that has happened since he died. Strange to experience such different senses all in the same breath.
I realized too just a bit ago that I really don’t want for him to be gone. I don’t think I’ve experienced that notion so vividly before this day. I mean I really don’t want this to be real. Part of me is numb to that reality yet and I know that very reality is sinking in deeper into my awareness this morning. Allowing the’ I don’t want this’ is all a part of coming more fully to accept. Those muscles of mine ache at the prospect—especially my heart.
So I sit and take a deep breath and remember that meditation…everything is as it should be…and of course I cry.
How does your body reveal your emotions to you?
Do Contact Me today so you can begin Grief Therapy!
I just got back from walking down my street all bundled up in my jammies, robe, wool hat, a coat of my dad’s and a pair of his gloves with my cup of coffee to watch the sun come up. It is chilly out and I know I look like a site in my colorful garb. It is a good thing it is early and a Saturday and not many people are out! But then at this age I really don’t care much what people think. That is one of the many relieving things of being in my 50’s! I can be all that I am and not be embarrassed and self critical of my humanity as I once was for so much of my life. Thank goodness for that!
I heard a wise owl or two hooting back and forth. I generally think it a special day when I get to listen to one of them share their tune with me. And the sun was beautiful of course as it filled the sky with color. I hated to see it rise in a way as that meant that experience was over for one more day.
That was until I turned around to head back home and got to watch the colors of the sun bounce off the tree tops and branches and light up the woods with its splendor. And then arriving home I was able to soak in my very pretty spring bulb garden bursting with color and happiness. And so was I. All a part of the plan!
What benefits do you notice from being the age you are now?
With this harsh winter as my excuse, I’ve not been doing my usual daily walking outside which I miss as this time is a key opportunity to commune with mother-nature each day. I used to run but my knees and the joys of getting older have helped me decide that running isn’t perhaps in my best interest any longer. It certainly was not easy for me to say goodbye to my runs and admit that horrid truth either. I never had a fall running even in the snow and icy conditions we’d have but walking is another matter—I slipped on ice a couple years ago and landed hard on my tail bone and cried walking back home as it hurt so much. I am grateful not to have broken any bones.
The March 2014 Family Circle magazine has a 4 minute workout in it and I decided that surely I could find an extra 4 minutes five days a week to get the deed done. I started this past week and boy am I out of shape! Since day 3, I’ve been laughing with myself as I attempt to use my rather sore abs to pull myself up off the floor or get up out of bed. It is hard to imagine that in only 4 minutes I could not only work up a good sweat but feel it the next day and day after that and…so I know I am getting a good workout and it is exactly what my body needs. I’ve found myself saying in some amount of seriousness a mist my jest that this is either gonna kill me or I will get stronger and at those moments I am almost uncertain which it will be too!
I don’t like that I’ve not been exercising this winter. It is rather easy to fall off the exercise wagon. I feel so much better when I get a walk in to start my day. This week I have felt better doing my 4 minute gig and plan when the weather breaks (if that EVER happens) to add my walk to the end of my routine. This will be an even more wonderful start to my day…that is of course, if I live through the next couple of weeks getting my body back into shape!
What helps you get a good start to your day? What kind of exercise program works best for you?
4/13/14
I am happy to report that I’ve been exercising more since I started the 4 minute workout! The simple exercises have helped strengthen my muscles in various places enough that I was able to do a walk/run this week 4 whole days!!! I am pleased with my progress too. I wasn’t sure that I would ever be able to run again and I have done it! Now I am not running any distance, but my ¾ to a mile effort is wonderful for this worn out of shape body of mine! I am eager to continue to strengthen my body and add a bit more walk/run time into my morning routine.
What motivates you to exercise more?
I decided this week that I live in a noisy neighborhood! I so enjoy early mornings and I often will go outside and watch the sun make its way up.
A week ago I was out when it was still very dark out. As soon as the very first notion of any light happened on the horizon I noticed that the birds started waking up and letting the world know of the soon to be sun rise. In fact, they saw the light before I did. I don’t recall noticing just that quietness and then the stirring of life before. It struck me and got my attention.
Once those first risers were awake the rest of the bird world began to stir and I was serenaded so beautifully. And the once very quiet neighborhood was not so anymore.
Yesterday for the very first time this season I was able, thanks to my husband, to sit out on my deck in the morning hours and sip my coffee in my favorite place and chair and soak up the lovely spring world around me. It was heaven. My body and spirit so needed that! I was bundled up of course and the coffee helped keep me warm. But there is hope.
In the afternoon I worked in my flower beds clearing winter debris and think that I could actually see the yard greening up as I worked and watched. What a wonderful and so badly needed day!
I was of course crippled after wards from crawling around and am very thankful for Ibuprofen! Those muscles of mine aren’t as young as they used to be!
We have only one small pile of snow left out front this morning too….hope!
What are you savoring this spring?
Spring seems to be arriving ever so slowly and tentatively here in West Michigan as is my announcement of its possible arrival. I say this because we’ve been dumped on with January weather since November, I kid you not. And, I really can not say for certain that we are done with January just yet either.
But I actually have a few crocus budding out as the now ugly brown dirty snow recedes from my front yard gardens. And I now have 3 snow drop flowers in bloom! They are the first generally in my garden to sparkle in the sun shine and bring me hope of things to come.
I live about a mile from Lake Michigan and we still have snow in the yard and did while the rest of the world a mile east of here has been rid of the bulk of it for a couple of weeks now. The Lake provides us with cool winds in the summer, warmth in the early winter time, lake effect snow in the winter, and now it is keeping us cooler with its very cold mass just waiting to warm up with the warmer spring sun.
Spring summer winter and fall
The one I like the best of all
Is spring!
Spring is full of life and love,
Spring is green, spring is new
Spring brings sweet smelling dew….
This was a part of my 8th grade blue ribbon stab at being a poet. There is another verse but I don’t recall it and don’t remember having liked it as much as the first verse. The repeating verse is easy to recall because even as a kid I loved spring time.
The out doors brings me closer spiritually and provides me comfort. I spent countless hours outside as a child and still do. My flower beds are my best therapy. I love the spring bulbs that come up in my yard. This time of year I eagerly await their colorful arrival and especially this year I am so eager for their hopeful spirits to pop open.
Yesterday was the sixth month anniversary of my dad’s death to the day of the week too. I went over to visit my mom Friday and came back home yesterday traveling through the last hours of his life breath arriving home at the time he took his last one. I cried most of the three hour trip home remembering what that afternoon was like for me and for him and my family. When I arrived home I was able to walk outside and have a really good sob and soak in the colorful life just waiting to burst into bloom in my yard. What a mixture of emotion and it all brought me great comfort. I await this springs colorful offerings more eagerly than most years for so very many reasons!
Spring, summer, winter and fall…which season do you like the best of all and why?
Getting ready for my day this morning I had an overwhelming sense that today would be my last day alive. It was a surprisingly strange thought I don’t recall having had before. And, all in a breath I was at peace with the idea and sad to have to say goodbye to my husband, cats, family, friends and end what it seems I’ve just started. It felt very real.
Then I realized as my tears were flowing, that today is the last time six months ago that I really saw my dad alive–yes, I was there for a couple of hours before he took his last breath but he could not respond back to me on his very last day here on earth. I certainly never imagined six months ago I would never be able see him again when I left him in good health and care with my mom and sister all jolly to be home after his surgery.
We just don’t know which moment will be our last or the last of those we treasure in our lives. This reality has allowed me to pause in the moments of this very day to take stock and appreciate and savor all that I have been given.
What can you take stock of in this very precious moment in your life?
Do Contact Me to start Grief Therapy today!
This is an exciting day as I am writing my very first blog post for my very own website that I would never have dreamed doing a week ago! It has been a series of events that once again in my life I realize have brought me to this very moment in time! All meant to be, all cascading on a life time series of events that have taught me, shaped me, helped me be right here right now writing this very sentence. It is absolutely amazing to have this realization and be right here in this very moment!
Just a few moments ago I had the experience of recognizing that I am much closer to my dad who died last October than I have ever felt before in my life! I can feel his presence in a very odd way watching over me, guiding me, giving me strength to take this risk and start this website and write this blog post for you to read.
I’ve been closer emotionally to my mom all my life. Dad was there and I always knew he loved me and that I could count on him but he was off working either at his jobs or putzing at home. This is because he was programmed by age 4 to work hard on his family farm—sadly he was the family work horse. And it is what he knew to do.
His skills at working hard provided a great financially solid experience for me as a kid. I never worried about my parents finances. They were not rich by any means but lived with in their means—a great skill I learned from them for which I am grateful. But we had a very nice house, family trips, nice clothes, medical care, dental care, family dinners and I learned to work hard too another life skill for which I am grateful. My mom worked hard too.
So dad was farther away being busy and taking his job of provider very responsibly. And I was there with mom and my sister. And whilst having a more emotionally charged relationship with my mom, in a not so easy to live with kind of way, this dynamic connected me to her. And I would talk more to her than to my dad.
Let it be said that many of my mom’s perspectives, behaviors, qualities that have bugged the crap out of me over the years for example controlling I also possess….and of course NEVER wanted to be this way either. (I hate owning that too!) And this actually tied me to her even more to her as well.
So in missing my dad this morning I realized this very special closeness that I wasn’t able to share with him while he was living that now in his death I’ve been giving the gift of experiencing…and yes, I am crying as I write these words for you to read…thanks Dad for still being here for me! (written on 3/16/14)
What risks have you dreamed of taking in your career/life but not had the right moment of realization just yet to act upon?
