Phone: 616-217-9489 | eMail: jude@midlifetoolsforliving.com
JD's Midlife Tools For Living Practices, LLC
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Many communities across the US are experiencing unrest and distress related to the unjust treatment of people who are Black in our country. Some people have experienced the community discord, discrimination, and trauma first hand and may have lost their sense of safety.
This can lead to feeling overwhelmed, isolated, having trouble sleeping or difficulty concentrating. All are common reactions to witnessing and experiencing community violence.
Community violence incidents can also contribute to a heightened feeling of anxiety, depression and lead to increased use of drugs and alcohol.
If you’re experiencing these emotions or feeling angry, confused, or distressed in any other way, please know you’re not alone.
*Do set a limit on your media consumption, including social media, local or national news.
*Decide when checking on updates is helpful and productive for you, and when it’s not.
*Talk to others who understand and respect how you feel—family members, faith leaders, people you trust.
*Educate yourself on ways to help or get involved.
*Try to do your best in taking care of yourself physically as well as mentally: this applies to your diet, sleep schedule, exercise, etc.
*Maintain regular routines to the extent possible.
*Focus on what you can do to care for yourself right here right now.
*Do start with small, doable steps for you to cope or take action as you are ready.
*Recognize that traumatic reactions which are different from our typical life stress and can lead to avoidance, emotional numbness and shame. Learn how to manage it.
*Do reach out for PTSD Treatment if you find yourself filled with distress, avoidance, emotional numbness and shame which you are unable to manage on your own as you are coping during community unrest.
If you find yourself in need of immediate assistance, don’t wait call the national Disaster Distress Helpline at 1-800-985-5990 or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 to be connected with a trained, caring counselor for emotional support.
Both the DDH and Lifeline are available 24/7/365 and your calls are free and confidential.
The DDH also has a texting option (text TalkWithUs to 66746; standard messaging/data rates apply). The Lifeline also offers text and chat options, which can be accessed by texting 988.
Do Contact Me to begin therapy!
What will you do today to help yourself cope with community unrest?
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
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Did you know that journaling is an effective self-help coping tool you can use to help manage symptoms of depression? It is a way to pour out your heart, not be judged even by yourself, and to acknowledge and release your emotions.
It can help you step back observe and better understand yourself as well as take notice of the progress you’ve made. And all you need is a notebook and a pen.
Gosh, but what in the world do I write about?
For manage symptoms of depression…write down your goals for the day, 3 things you are grateful for today, what you accomplished today no matter how small, what things or events worsened or triggered your depression today, what helped you cope today.
To help with sadness you might experience….write a love letter to yourself and include all the comforting things you really need to hear.
To manage feeling hopelessness…write down what is creating the hopelessness today, a positive thought you can hold on to today.
For anger and irritability…write down where you feel the anger in your body described in detail, things that help you feel at peace, what you can do when feeling irritable to help you react differently.
To help with feelings of worthlessness…write down qualities you value in yourself, things you are most proud of, things that are worth living for, reasons why you are a good friend.
Simply writing out your feelings and what has triggered your emotions can help you get it out. It’s especially important to allow your emotions to come forth and out as you write rather than holding it all inside.
It can be tempting to pound out our words on a keyboard. But the act of actually hand writing our thoughts out on paper helps us release emotions as we write.
Notice how your handwriting changes when you are having a really off day, a day filled with anger, or a rather peaceful day.
You don’t have to purchase a fancy journal book. A simple notebook like the ones you once used in school work just as well.
Journaling isn’t something you “must” do every day to reap benefits from writing. You can of course if you want to. But even picking up your notebook on a difficult day here and there can make a difference.
Journaling is another tool in your coping tool box to reach for and utilize when you need it.
What could you write about today?
Contact Me if you would like to start Depression Therapy!
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
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It’s likely there are several different causes for why people develop depression. It may be a combination of factors for some people and no obvious trigger for others.
Going through difficult experiences in childhood research shows can make you more vulnerable to experiencing depression later in your life. Those experiences include physical, sexual or emotional abuse, neglect, losing someone close to you, traumatic events, living in an unsettling family situation. These kinds of experiences affect our self-esteem and how we learn to cope with difficult emotions and stressful situations. Later in life this can make you feel less able to cope with difficult experiences and lead to depression.
Life events that are unwelcomed, stressful or traumatic like losing a job, having financial problems, relationship problems, losing a relationship, grief, major life changes like changing jobs or moving or getting married, being physically or sexually assaulted, being bullied or abused, experiencing racism all can trigger this condition.
Certain patterns of thinking are more likely to lead to depression like blaming ourselves for negative events or dwelling over and over about a negative event.
Coping with the symptoms of another mental health problem can trigger depression like anxiety, PTDS, eating problems.
Many health problems can be difficult to manage and affect our moods. Having poor physical health can increase our risk of developing depression.
If you have a close family member with depression you are more likely to experience it yourself. Our biology may cause it or it could be due to having learned certain behaviors and ways of coping as we grow up. It’s likely that both our genes and the environment we grow up in affect whether we develop depression or not.
Using alcohol and recreational drugs can contribute. We may start out to use substances to feel better but in the long run they can make us feel worse.
We are more vulnerable if we struggle with sleeping, being physically active and consuming a healthy diet.
Depression can be a side effect of many medications. It’s important to talk with your doctor if you suspect this something you are experiencing and see if an alternative medication is available.
There are many factors that can cause it to develop. And there are ways to treat it. Depression Therapy is a way to learn new ways of coping and be supported in a caring way as you heal!
What has contributed to your depression?
Contact Me today to begin your healing!
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
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Exercise has been shown to be as effective as antidepressant medication in treating mild to moderate depression. It is a powerful depression fighter because it promotes all kinds of changes in our brain. Exercise promotes neural growth, reduces inflammation, and adds new activity patterns that promote feelings of calm and well-being.
It also releases endorphins, powerful chemicals in your brain that energize your spirits and make you feel good. Exercise also serves as a distraction, allowing you to find some quiet time to break out of the cycle of negative thoughts that feed depression.
And you don’t need to devote hours out of your busy day to get to the gym, sweat buckets, or run miles after to reap all the physical and mental health benefits of exercise.
Just 30-minutes of moderate exercise five times a week is enough. And that can even be broken down into two 15-minute or even three 10-minute exercise sessions if that’s easier for you to do.
If you don’t have time for 15 or 30 minutes of exercise, or if your body tells you to take a break after 5 or 10 minutes that’s okay. Start with 5- or 10-minute sessions and slowly increase your time. The more you exercise, the more energy you’ll have and eventually you’ll feel ready to do a bit more. The key is to commit to some moderate physical activity—however little—on most days.
Research shows that moderate levels of exercise are best for most of us. Moderate means: that you breathe a little heavier than normal, but are not out of breath; that your body feels warmer as you move, but not overheated or very sweaty.
Many of us find it hard enough to motivate ourselves to exercise at the best of times. But when you feel depressed, anxious, stressed or have another mental health problem, it can seem impossible to do. This is especially true of depression and anxiety, which can leave you feeling trapped in a catch-22 situation.
You know exercise will make you feel better, but depression has robbed you of the energy and motivation you need to work out. So, start small, set achievable goals and build up from there. Schedule your exercise when your energy is highest.
How about dancing to some music or going for a short walk—a 15-minute walk can help clear your mind, improve your mood, and boost your energy level. As you move and start to feel a little better, you’ll likely boost your energy enough to exercise more.
Do activities you enjoy because any activity that gets you moving counts. That could be throwing a Frisbee with a dog or friend, walking laps of a mall window shopping, or biking to the grocery store. Gardening or tackling a home improvement project can be a great way to start moving more and can also leave you with a sense of purpose and accomplishment.
It can help to reward yourself with an extra treat for exercising like a hot bubble bath after a workout, a delicious smoothie, or with an extra episode of your favorite TV show.
You can make exercise a social activity. Exercising with a friend or loved one, or your kids, will not only make exercising more fun and enjoyable, it can also help motivate you to stick to a workout routine. You’ll also feel better than if you were exercising alone. In fact, when you’re suffering from depression, the companionship can be just as important as the exercise.
Move in and around your home. Clean the house, wash the car, tend to the yard and garden, mow the lawn with a push mower, sweep the sidewalk or patio with a broom. Sneak activity in at work or on the go. Bike or walk to an appointment rather than drive, use stairs instead of elevators, briskly walk to the bus stop then get off one stop early, park at the back of the lot and walk into the store or office, or take a vigorous walk during your coffee break.
Get active with the family. Perhaps jog around the soccer field during your kid’s practice, make a neighborhood bike ride part of your weekend routine, play tag with your children in the yard, go canoeing at a lake, walk the dog in a new place.
Go pick fruit at an orchard, boogie to music, go to the beach or take a hike, gently stretch while watching television, organize an office bowling team, take a class in martial arts, dance, or yoga.
Remember even a little bit of activity is better than none! Learn to make exercise a fun part of your day so you can start to feel better and get back into life again!
Contact Me to start Depression Therapy today!
What will you do to get some exercise today?
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
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Trauma flashbacks are one of the symptoms those with PTSD experience. They can develop at any time, especially when you’re triggered by events that remind you in some way of your past trauma. When having a flashback, you may relive the whole experience of your trauma again or go through just certain parts of it.
Trauma flashbacks can be triggered by particular places, people, situations, smells, touches, sights, sounds that remind you of the trauma in some way. Or you may find that flashbacks seem to happen at random. They can last for just a few seconds, or continue for several hours or even days.
During trauma flashbacks some people experience sweating, confusion, increased heart rate. They can see images of the traumatic event happening, feel pain and other physical sensations, hear word or sounds related to the trauma event. They also feel disconnected from their body, emotions and memory and come out of the flashback not understanding where they are or how they got there.
Flashbacks can be very distressing, but there are things you can do that to help you cope and navigate your way:
It can be helpful to keep a box of things with different textures and smells. Perhaps include things like a blanket, smooth stones, a bottle of lavender or another essential oil, peppermint chewing gum. That way you will have items ready to use when you need them the most!
Experiencing flashbacks may be a sign that you are struggling to confront or cope with the traumatic event you experienced. Treatment can help you with this!
Learn more about PTSD Treatment and Contact Me if you are ready start therapy today.
What coping tools will you try the next time you have a flashback?
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
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After experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD can develop. It is a mental health condition that can often go undiagnosed or misdiagnosed and affects both men and women.
According to The American Psychiatric Association, the symptoms of PTSD fall into four categories and vary in how severe a person experiences them.
Many people who are exposed to a traumatic event experience symptom similar to these in the days following the event.
For a person to be diagnosed with PTSD the symptoms must last for more than a month and must cause significant distress or problems in the individual’s life and daily functioning. Many individuals develop symptoms within three months of the trauma, but symptoms can appear later on and often persist for months and sometimes years. You do not have to experience all of the symptoms to be diagnosed with PTSD.
There are other conditions alongside PTSD that people who have been exposed to a traumatic event experience like depression, substance use, memory problems and other physical and mental problems.
According to The American Psychiatric Association, “It is important to note that not everyone who experiences trauma develops PTSD, and not everyone who develops PTSD requires psychiatric treatment. For some people, symptoms of PTSD subside or disappear over time. Others get better with the help of their support system (family, friends or clergy).”
“But many people with PTSD need professional treatment to recover from psychological distress that can be intense and disabling. It is important to remember that trauma may lead to severe distress. That distress is not the individual’s fault, and PTSD is treatable. The earlier a person gets treatment, the better chance of recovery.”
If you think you may be experiencing PTSD please know that with treatment you can learn to manage your symptoms and improve the quality of your life!
Are you suffering with undiagnosed PTSD?
Learn more about therapy with me: PTSD Treatment
Contact Me to get your treatment started today!
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
*From the article:
https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/ptsd/what-is-ptsd
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Do you struggle with memories of past trauma that’s been triggered by recent news coverage? The current news and political climate can be more PTSD trauma triggering than ever!
With all the focus on difficult topics like sexual assault, immigration, and natural disasters, it can be difficult to separate current events from your own trauma history. It does takes time, courage and support to learn how to deal with these reminders.
Go for a walk, run, dance to a favorite song. Our senses are very much involved in the ways that we store memories. We can combat and even create new memories through our senses by engaging in some of the activities that bring calm.
By simply focusing on your breath you are practicing being mindful! Of course, your mind will wander and when it does just gently bring it back to notice your inhales and exhales. Doing this will help change you physiological responses to upsetting images and emotions by clearing your mind of the past.
Or call the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 to be connected with a trained, caring counselor for emotional support.
Both the DDH and Lifeline are available 24/7/365 and your calls are free and confidential.
The DDH also has a texting option (text TalkWithUs to 66746; standard messaging/data rates apply). The Lifeline also offers text and chat options, which can be accessed by texting 988.
What coping tools will you use today?
If you’re struggling with past traumatic experiences, reaching out for help can be the first step towards healing.
Do Contact me today! I specialize in PTSD Treatment.
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
Designed by Freepik
Do you drink alcohol as a way to calm your anxious feelings? I hate to be the bearer of bad news…but…while drinking alcohol sometimes seems like a helpful way to ease your anxiety the effects are only temporary. Once the drink is gone the temporary ease you get goes away. And you may actually feel even worse than before you picked up the beverage!
Alcohol is both a stimulant and a sedative which means you feel more energetic and engaged and also calm and relaxed when you have a drink.
Alcohol can interfere in you getting a restful night’s sleep. It can make it harder to fall asleep and stay asleep after you drink. And then you end up having even higher amounts of anxiety the next day because of it. We need good sleep specially to elevate anxious feelings.
Ever have hangover anxiety the day after even if you don’t drink frequently? You may wake up worried about what happened while you were drinking. If you already have an anxiety disorder your hangover symptoms can end up being much worse.
Having an anxiety disorder puts you at a higher risk of developing an alcohol use disorder. One out of five people with anxiety report using alcohol to cope with anxiety. Drinking alcohol makes it more difficult to control and manage your emotions and can increase your chances of developing an anxiety disorder.
If you are having problems limiting your drinking and coping with anxiety it’s important that you talk this over with your doctor. Your provider is trained to help evaluate and treat your conditions and will do so without judgment!
Bottom line is Alcohol + Anxiety = a not so healthy way to cope with life’s challenges that can add to rather than take them away!
How is your use of alcohol affecting you?
Do Contact Me. I specialize in Anxiety Therapy and Substance Abuse Treatment!
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
Do you find yourself wondering if your partner truly has feelings for you?
Are you looking for constant reassurances from your partner?
Do you aim to please at all costs sometimes to your own detriment?
Are you clingy and want to be around your partner constantly?
Do you doubt your romantic compatibility?
Do you over analyze words or actions looking for signs of trouble?
Are you constantly worring your partner will end the relationship?
Do you end up spending more time worrying about the relationship than you do enjoying it?
All your yes answers are signs that you may be experiencing relationship anxiety!
When we care very deeply about someone it’s understandable to worry about them from time to time. But when these concerns become unhealthy they can become injurious to your own health.
Could be fueled by an anxious attachment style created when you were growing up and the relationship you shared with your parents. Or by a past relationship where your self-worth was jeopardized. Perhaps due to your own low self-esteem and self-doubt. Maybe you don’t have the ability to communicate openly about what you are lacking or what you need with your partner.
Learning how to simply communicate openly about your concerns, challenges and being truthful with your partner is an important step.
Digging deep muscling up the courage to face the reasons you are experiencing this anxiety will help you mend past wounds and give you securer footing in your life’s journey.
It’s possible to learn to use tools to manage your anxiety and to change dysfunctional thoughts you have about yourself, your self-worth and also about your partner. It takes practice and patience.
What could be fueling your relationship anxiety?
Anxiety Therapy can help! Give me a call today!
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
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It just keeps on keeping on a comin’…more violence, more shootings, more deadly storms, more war, leaving more pain and suffering unfolding as we watch, read, scroll through it all yet one a more a time! I don’t know about you but some moments my heart just can’t bare another gruesome story. It all gets just to be too much. We all need a little anxiety therapy coping tips!
The world is a pretty scary place. How in the world can we keep dealing with it all without compromising our mental health?
Here are a few tips to help ease your anxious media mind:
The effects of reading and watching all the negativity can really harm our mind, body and spirit!
If you find yourself having intrusive thoughts about a new article or current events, find yourself filled with anger, resentment or overly anxious, drink more alcohol to self-medicate, or have little other interests beyond watching/reading the news it may be time to reach out for some Anxiety Therapy so your distress doesn’t grow even higher and your life’s journey can get back on track once again!
What will I do differently to manage my media intake?
Check out the Anxiety Therapy page for more information about anxiety!
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
Life is a journey filled with bumpy roads and unexpected turns as we traverse the mountains, hills and valleys of living. Our midlife journey is no different.
The midlife road brings us many new challenges like parenting roles that change, older parents to lend care to, shifting careers, losses to grieve, an empty nest to adapt to, changing hormones to contend with, bodies that begin to show some wear, time itself seems to speeds up and we begin to clearly see that life will indeed come to an end sooner than later too.
I recall a profound moment of realization when the thought that I had less life yet to live than I have already lived hit me between the eyes. It made me pause and reflect on my life.
It’s an opportune time to review and reset our vision for our future. There is plenty of positive growth during midlife as we consider new possibilities and opportunities to engage in life, strengthen our relationships, review and change old destructive behaviors and patterns in our lives.
We have life experiences and skills to draw upon and learn from. We are at a point of being able to step back and reframe old harmful thinking into a healthier mindset…sometimes to do so a bit of therapy support can be just what we need to help us smooth out a bumpy uphill road.
Having a sense of purpose, staying physically active, eating a healthy diet and getting enough sleep can help protect our physical and mental health in our midlife.
Most of the insecurities of our youth have faded away and we are more confident in ourselves and know what is most important to us. We have deeper and more meaningful relationships, and tend to give more freely of our time and energy. And we’ve gained wisdom having traversed the mountains, hills and valleys of living all the moments of our life until now!
Contact Me if you are having difficulty negotiating through your midlife journey…therapy can help!
What realizations have come during your midlife journey?
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
I just read a chilling statement “Gun violence is a fixture in American life” published in the BBC News on April 16, 2023. It still stuns me to see in print what I’ve feared to be true.
Gun violence is so commonplace it is a reality we’ve come to know all too well. It’s a fixture, an established fact, an invariably present element, something securely and usually permanent, stuck or ‘fixed’ in our culture.
It simply is a part of who we are in this country.
In the last couple of days two people were shot and one died because of an innocent mistake—they went to the wrong house. They posed no threat and were shot because they dared being on someone’s property by mistake.
So, we watch the news, see the events unfold, witness the grieving families and communities and feel our own shock and outrage and on it goes and on it goes…and yet again on it goes.
It’s become much too common place.
Gun violence is such a fixture that I feel compelled to add some resources on this website for those struggling to learn more and tools to help cope with this ‘fixture’ in our lives.
Please check out the “Practice Tools” page for ‘Gun Violence’ resources.
