Phone: 616-217-9489 | eMail: jude@midlifetoolsforliving.com
JD's Midlife Tools For Living Practices, LLC
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We’ve consumed pizza in many different formats over the years. For a long time, my husband made us pizza of the homemade variety including sauce he made from scratch. This was a throwback to days very long ago when he worked in a pizza parlor and copied the recipe…oh but, please keep that to yourself!
And we’ve tried pizza from many different pizza places here in town…switching as we grew tired of one on to another place. It was the thing I did for years on my way home from work and grocery shopping…picked us up a pizza.
When COVID took over we ended up resorting to frozen pizzas with an occasional pick up one on special kind of Fridays. Recently my husband made us a yummy homemade one…I’d forgotten just how delicious those are…but that was a Happy Pizza Sunday celebration not Friday.
Friday seems like an important day of the week to celebrate…the end of the work week and the beginning of home time. And it’s one that comes around often like every week too so you don’t have to wait too long and yet have something fun and yummy to look forward to.
It’s the little traditions that bring joy and can take any ordinary day and turn it into one that we celebrate.
So, here’s to yet another Happy Pizza Friday to you!
What is a little joy you celebrate in your life?
Here we sit on the cusp of a brand-New Year watching the old one fad away. We may find ourselves wondering exactly where this next year will take us as we travel the road of our life’s journey.
We may be making plans for where we’d like the road to go with hopes life steers us in the direction of our dreams. We may be reviewing where we’ve already traversed all the mountains and hurdles we’ve climbed, all the rivers and streams we’ve crossed, all the plans that were fulfilled and those we let go of.
It’s that time of year for reflection for looking both behind and ahead.
But no matter where we’ve been or where we go ‘we’ are still there. And ‘we’ still need to contend with ourselves no matter where we are, no matter how life goes, no matter where the road of our life takes us.
Making peace within ourselves for, with and about ourselves, the whole bloody picture we see when we take a good peek at that person we call self is at times a pretty mountainous task. It is however my wish for you in this New Year…finding peace deep within you, making peace deep within you…for the one and only you!
Please give yourself a great big hug of acceptance this New Year from my heart to yours!
Jude
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The kind of peace that keeps you calm and centered and grounded when the world is full of its chaos around you. The kind of peace you want to come home to. The kind of peace that protects you. The kind of peace that hugs you way down deep inside your heart. The kind of peace you feel when you take a big deep breath, slowly release it and observe the tension inside you melt away. The kind of peace that makes you smile and brings you joy.
This is no small gift. And is not one that we can easily hang on to. Oh, we can grasp hold for a moment or two with practice but soon the world comes rushing right back into our minds eye interrupting our gift all too quickly…all too easily.
I love to watch very old holiday movies this time of year. One of my all-time favorites is “The Bishop’s Wife” a black and white film made in 1947 starring Gary Grant, Loretta Young and David Niven.
The very last line in the film captured my attention in my last viewing…interesting how many times I’ve watched this film only this time to finally really hear this message referencing peace on earth:
If, a great big if too….” we each put in our share” …of…” loving kindness, warms hearts and a stretched-out hand of tolerance” …we have the ingredients needed… “all the shining gifts that make peace on earth” …we simply need to share our gifts with each other to experience peace on this earth.
May you put in your share and receive the shares of others this holiday season and experience peace!
Jude
Photo by Pixabay
Fall is a good reminder for me: change is…it just is…life is change.
I’ve kept a tea tag from several years ago that I read daily during my meditation practice: “The only constant is change”. I kept it because I need that reminder! I am one who likes to cling to what she wants life to be especially when things are going the way I prefer them! And I tend to fight against that which isn’t exactly what or the way I want it to be.
I am pretty much a typical human being like the rest of us…want what I want and want it now!
My meditation practice helps me to be more mindful of some of the moments when I am fighting against what is. I say some because I get all caught up in my thoughts.
It takes practice to catch my thinking and see it for what it really is: just a thought not reality.
When I assign a judgment thought about what is going on my whole body reacts with that judgment. The potential reactions are endless as are the results for me too…particularly when I object to what is going on! I create a tension inside. Sometimes that can be rather explosive.
Life is in constant change. I can’t change that reality. Wanting it not to be so really is a death of sorts in itself, for without change we would not exist!
With practice I can however learn to ride the waves of change and just like those colorful leaves that float so gracefully so merrily to the ground and I can find a joy that only acceptance can bring. One moment at a time!
What might you be resisting or fighting against in this very moment?
That is today’s meditation title in Melody Beattie’s book, Journey to the Heart. It is a daily meditation book that I’ve read as a part of my meditation practice for several years now.
Today’s read is a good reminder for me…the importance and magic of trusting my inner guidance, finding my place and navigating my way each moment as life unfolds around me without seeing the exact destination on the path of life ahead.
There is a freedom in not being caught up in the illusion of control…the ability to experience joy results… a pure magical joy of each moment.
It requires me to open my heart to what is, just as it is.
This last year and a half due to the effects of long haul Covid it has been a struggle many, many, many moments to open my heart to so many of those moments. It’s not exactly what I thought I’d be doing. I never dreamed I would get sick and it would persist like it has.
My MO has been to be a planner with a to do list that I just simply get to it and do it each day. I have forged ahead getting the job done to my liking. That isn’t a way that works anymore. I may start with an idea but my body sometimes has other ideas for me and I keep learning to let go and do just what I can.
Each day it seems I’ve grown to trust my inner guidance to point me towards what I can tackle in the moment ahead.
Sometimes that has felt oddly willy nilly and very strange to me. There isn’t a routine to my day as there was for so much of my life.
The meditation ends with this phrase: “Not knowing has taught you to know more than you could ever imagine.” I suspect this is true for me…there is a strength I can feel coming from what I am learning. Ultimately it is helping my body to heal!
What are you learning from life’s unfolding around you?
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This summer I’ve given the still limited energy I have to connecting with family in person again…been way too many missed opportunities over the last 2 years between plain old Covid and my long haul Covid. I am happy to finally be able to drive long enough to visit my family on the other side of the state. Last summer I could not.
I am grateful for the progress I have been making towards wellness.
This long haul sure is just that. My normal life stopped rather abruptly in March of 2021. And, yet after all this time I still can do only a fraction of what my good old typical day once consisted of…but that fraction has grown a bit larger and I am most thankful too!
It’s interesting the many things I once so easily took for granted: spending time with family and friends, being able to easily work out in my flower beds—my garden therapy, walking for miles, needing only 8 hours of sleep, completing what I needed and wanted to in any given day, working in my profession—my life calling.
I do have hope for the future and a clearer appreciation for that which is important to me.
Every now and then when I get down about all that has been lost I pause and recall where I was a year ago and the gains I’ve made since then. And take a deep breath to appreciate all that is here in front of me…a sweet kitty, a lovely breeze with trees dancing in it, happy chirping birds flying about, the bright warm sunshine…this is the moment I am in, the here and now… it is what is!
The here and now is a lovely place to be!
What is in front of you in this very moment to appreciate?
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I have been inconsistent in my meditation practice for many months now…I feel it too in how disconnected and gloomy I have been.
Bottom line I haven’t wanted what is happening to be happening…I’ve been fighting against what is and that has been costly…I’ve lost connection to a centeredness I was once able to readily grasp hold of in the midst of life going on around me.
Yesterday I sat and renewed my practice…”Everything is as it should be”…staring into the flame of my candle and read the inspirational pieces I’ve collected and once focused on each day. It helped…my mood turned around.
This morning I practiced again and was brought to tears by the tag from a tea bag I saved: “Celebrate your successes and failures; both required great courage.”
As the candle flame danced with the breeze from an open door it came to me that has been me flickering about unable to settle down and be centered. And in fact, it has taken great courage for me to flicker as I have, being lost in the winds of life being life. In that moment I smiled with me and these hard times I am actually enduring even though not from a centered space of calm.
I can feel the sadness, the gloom, the fear, the frustration, the disconnection and let that be as it is too. All of it is just a part of the process of life and of learning as I go.
It is hard riding through the ebbs and flows life brings us at any age or stage of life or time period we live in…it just is for everyone!
May I, may you, may we all be balanced and at peace!
What successes and failures can you celebrate today?
On March 22, 2022 I am pleased to report that The Holland Sentinel published this article I wrote on their opinion page. I decided to share it here as well. Jude
Early this month the American Psychological Association distributed a survey as it has done yearly for 15 years called the Stress in America TM poll to 3012 adults over 18 in the US.
Not at all surprising we are a Nation under considerable stress.
The APA findings report the “Top sources of stress were the rise in prices of everyday items due to inflation (e.g., gas prices, energy bills, grocery costs, etc.) (cited by 87%), followed by supply chain issues (81%), global uncertainty (81%), Russia’s invasion of Ukraine (80%) and potential retaliation from Russia (e.g., in the form of cyberattacks or nuclear threats) (80%).”
All this, lands on top of two years of the Covid-19 pandemic which the survey reports
two-thirds of adults or 63% indicated that their life has been forever changed by, and an election year that challenged our democracy and pitted Americans against one another.
“The number of people who say they’re significantly stressed about these most recent events is stunning relative to what we’ve seen since we began the survey in 2007,” said Arthur C. Evans Jr., PhD, APA’s chief executive officer. “Americans have been doing their best to persevere over these past two tumultuous years, but these data suggest that we’re now reaching unprecedented levels of stress that will challenge our ability to cope.”
Wow “challenge our ability to cope” is a frightening statement considering we’ve already seen several years of mass shootings, an uptick in violent demonstrations, unruly passengers on planes that have had to be removed. More guns were sold in 2020 than any other year previously with 45,222 total gun deaths in 2020 the most on record and 40 active shooter incidents that year too.
The choices we each make in finding ways to cope with the stress we face matters greatly. Violence hurts us all.
Perhaps we can draw upon the collective strength of the Ukraine people as we negotiate through the stresses we face. They are a determined brave people who have stepped up to do their part to save their country. They are working together, fighting hard and have asked for help. They have shed tears, gone without food, heat, water, walked miles to keep their children safe, endured so many bombs and so very many losses while their cities are reduced to rubble. And, they keep on going.
Rising costs, not being able to find what we want, helplessly watching the invasion unfold from a distance and fearing what may come next is indeed intensely stressful. Those living in the Ukraine experience traumatizing stress daily.
Perspective is helpful to have. We don’t have to look far to see and be grateful for what we have in our own life…even our stressors too.
Living life is not smooth sailing. There are big and little waves to learn how to ride. We need to know how best to steer during the storms and how to swim and get back in after a wave knocks us out of the boat. Sometimes we even have to learn how to build another boat when ours is lost at sea.
Pain, hardship and loss are all part of living life. And, can’t be avoided no matter who we are or where we live.
Rather we need to find and use healthy coping strategies to ride the stress waves as they come our way. And, teach our children how to do this as well.
We can reach out for support from family and friends. We can seek help from professional counselors/social workers and doctors. We can join a self-help support community. We can learn how others cope with stress and try some different tools. We can find resources on line and in the library and book store too.
Importantly we can look deep inside ourselves and honor the emotional pain we are facing by naming it and allowing ourselves to feel it. We don’t have to avoid or run from it. Feelings are a part of being human. Feeling them is as well.
We can write our feelings/experiences in a notebook/journal to let it out. We can go for a walk and talk it out loud to ourselves. We can simply and in strength have a good cry when we need to. Tears are very functional they take stress chemicals out of our bodies and we experience some relief.
And, we can have compassion for ourselves as we negotiate through a stressful time and use that self-compassion to understand that others are struggling too and find compassion for others and the very humanness that we all share.
The APA report also noted that due to the last 2 years 71% polled have become better at prioritizing what is really important to them. It is important to recognize that out of the bad times in life some good does come. We learn. We grow. We gain strength. We become more resilient.
I challenge you to find healthy ways to cope during this intense time of stress that will benefit the greater good in us all!
Jude Vereyken
Resident Park Township
Check out the Practice Tools page for coping resources.
You can learn more about Anxiety Therapy and Contact Me to start treatment today!
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It has been two very long challenging years… goodness not one but two whole years….and over 80,863,512 cases of Covid-19 thus far in the US. We have lost over 982,576 people to the disease in the US…and worldwide over 5,986,829 people lost life from Covid-19. Staggering numbers and so much loss and change for so many of us.
A year ago, today on 3/7/21 I was hit with the worst headache I’ve ever had—woke up at 3 AM with it and intense muscle pain in my neck and back. I ended up soaking and falling asleep in an Epson salt bath to get some relief and spent the better part of 3 days in bed. Soon after fatigue began to set in along with excessive thirst and cravings for protein and carrots and apples as well. I felt like my body was starving.
Because of where I was working I had the Pfizer vaccine in December 2020 and January 2021…earlier than most people. It never occurred to me that I might have Covid-19 and I did not even think of or get tested. I didn’t have what I thought were the more common symptoms talked about at that time. Besides I was being extra careful masking up and social distancing myself appropriately. And there was not talk yet of break through infections either.
Ten days later, on 3/17/21 I left work due to the multitude of symptoms I was experiencing and have not been able yet to return to working. I still have fatigue and other symptoms that interfere with my daily functioning. I have improved greatly from where I was in the summer after 3 rounds of shingles. But I still have a way yet to go till I can start with part time work…getting closer and keeping fingers crossed that time will be soon.
On 4/1/21 I had a positive antibody test but the results were inconclusive because I had the vaccine in my system. After having seemingly every test in the book and not much being discovered as the culprit of my aliments I was diagnosed with long haul Covid-19 in February 2022 nearly a year after the initial start of my illness. That was a huge relief and validation.
For years I’ve known that every stinking part of our body has a separate specialist attached to treat it. Now I know what that feels like to experience the hurry up and wait for appointments and tests. And I learned that even within specialists there are those who specialize even more keenly in certain aspects of that part of our body’s functioning.
Meanwhile you sit and wonder and feel ill and don’t know why and try to get better as best you can. Some moments the uncertainty is easier to cope with than others. And time just marches on and life goes on around you.
Fortunately, as Covid-19 has lingered on we know more and more about the illness and more is being studied and coming to light about long haul Covid-19 as well. And there are resources now for people with long haul Covid-19.
Information is power I’ve always thought and it has helped me to search for information as I’ve been recovering.
A few gems I found are:
Survivor Corps was founded by a woman who had Covid-19 and developed long haul early in the pandemic. There is lots of information available at:
https://www.survivorcorps.com/
Recover, from the National Institutes of Health is doing a study you can opt to participate in and has resources on their site as well:
https://recovercovid.org
Mt. Sinai has a clinic for long haul Covid-19 and information on their website:
https://www.mountsinai.org/about/covid19/information-resources/center-post-covid-care
John Hopkins has a post Covid-19 care clinic and information on their website:
https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/coronavirus/pact/
NPR had an interview recently with Meghan O’rouke who discusses long haul and other chronic illnesses in a book she wrote. I found the interview helpful and validating as well:
https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2022/02/28/1083458296/long-covid-autoimmune-meghan-orourke-invisible-kingdom
It’s important if you find yourself dealing with a chronic illness that lingers and confounds you and the medical professionals around you to have people who believe in you and support you through what is a lonely time.
I’ve been fortunate to have a PCP, therapist, family members and friends surrounding me with hearts full of care the last year. For each one of them I am most grateful!
My heart goes out to all those who have experienced or have had a loved one experience Covid-19. I know my condition has been very painful for my husband to witness and care takers get worn out and worry too.
Check out our Grief Therapy page. Do Contact Me if you would like to begin therapy.
Mother Nature brought us a pretty blue sky with puffy clouds and sunshine today and a couple of inches of snow over night that left the trees all winter white. That is until the wind paid a little visit.
I just happened to glance out a window as the wind began to nudge the snow so very gently from the tops of the pine trees. The snowflakes danced in the sunshine as they made their way to the ground. The individual flakes sparkled in the sunshine. There were thousands of them floating down so effortlessly so joyfully too. You could make out every single one dazzling in the sun. I was transfixed.
Such a gift to have witnessed this amazing scene…it brought a smile to my lips and joy to my heart! I was in the right place at the right time to view this absolutely beautiful wonder.
There are a multitude of wonders that are available to us each day to experience. So often we are up in our heads all too caught up in our thinking to see what is right in front of us. We miss so much.
All it takes is a mindful awareness of where we are at and what is around us in the moment we are in and a willingness, an openness, a curiousness to be present to see the wonders that are in our life’s path.
Those glistening flakes danced their way to the ground for seemingly a long time as the wind nudged more and more off the tree limbs till the trees were empty. It was like time had slowed down…I didn’t want the beauty to end. But it did as all things do…as all life does change from moment to moment.
What wonders are in your path at this very moment?
Photo by Mikhail Nilov; Pexels
Where has January gone…. for that matter where did 2021 go? Time marches forward seemingly faster every year I think! This month I have been able to work more deeply on grieving the multitude of losses 2021 brought to me.
Grief work is just that…work.
It takes time and energy and we have to be ready to accept all that comes up and out doing the work.
All this is part of my healing journey…body, mind and spirit.
My body is growing stronger thankfully allowing for me to do other work necessary to heal and move forward.
My meditation time today took me to a place of peace and acceptance.
As I focused my thoughts on inhaling: “Everything Is”, and exhaling:” As It Should Be” tears came to my eyes as they did way back some 20 plus years ago when I first learned and practiced this powerful meditation. I felt myself let go…clearly, I’ve been holding in so very much. It was a significant moment for me today and back years ago as well…I shan’t forget either.
I’ve been most fortunate to get what I need when I need it in my life and for that I am most grateful.
It’s not always what I want mind you but what I need…hence the reality check that “everything is as it should be” has been and continues to be a very powerful tool and reminder for me…peace comes through acceptance.
I can’t change what is in this moment or what has been. Rather through acceptance clarity allows me to make choices in the moments yet to come.
So today I hope to carry forth with willing hands, an open heart and gratitude for all Mother Earth has given to me! I wish this for you as well!
What are some things in your life’s journey that need healing and acceptance?
Photo by Tara Winstead
There are days of my life that I will not ever forget for various reasons. 9/11//01 is one of those…I recall the horror and fear I felt and the wondering what the foreign enemy would do next. It felt surreal, unsafe, like I was in another country not the USA. I revisit it on the anniversary of that day too.
Another such day is today…1/6/20 is a day I shan’t forget either. This time the enemy was our own people not some strangers from another country… rather people just down the street.
I recall wondering exactly who I could trust and really fearing what would happen next. It was a surreal day. Once again, I felt like I was in another country someplace where coups happen and leaders take over defying the people’s collective voice. It was a horrifying to see the day unfolding as it did.
I now have a small taste of what it must be like to live in a country where leaders are corrupt, governments are over thrown and the people live in fear for their lives.
I certainly never expected to see such a demonstration of insurrection here in the USA…what a sad day for our democracy…I felt so lost that day.
The day remains under investigation with roadblocks to overcome in order to determine all the truths of what unfolded.
There are lessons to be learned from that day and all that led up to it.
There are fences to mend and bridges to be built. Voices to be heard and understandings to be gained. Differences to accept and respect to be earned. Hearts to soften and minds to be eased.
We need to know all that unfolded and led up to that day in order to move forward and grow as a Nation.
Clarity can only come when we see all there is to see. Until then such an event can happen again right here in River City USA.
I for one hope it never happens again. How about you?
