JD's Midlife Tools For Living Practices, LLC

The crocuses are croaking up a storm brightening up my yard. It has been delightful to see some color emerging over the last couple of weeks. I’ve noticed a bit of a spring in my step too as the days get longer and the sun is warming up the earth.

I so do enjoy spring. The birds do too or at least they seem to be singing happier tunes. There is freshness in the air that fills me with hope.

It is a joyful time of growth as the earth blossoms and bursts with new activity.

Mother Nature is hard at work having rested over the long winter season. I’m ready for more activity too. My fingers are eager to dig in the dirt once again tending to my flower beds. Gardening therapy is right around the corner for me I can feel it!

I am fortunate to live in a place that has dramatic seasonal changes throughout the year. Each season brings with it special things to enjoy. Spring just happens to be a favorite for me. I want to savor it and take it all in.

Time passes all too quickly and seems to speed up every year. This glorious time of year will be gone in the blink of an eye.

It’s an opportune time for me to practice mindfulness so I can be more fully present to soak it all up and be grateful for these wondrous moments of springtime!

What do you enjoy about springtime?

BUDS! Yes, buds on a few trees and on our forsythia bush!! You know what that means…spring is on its way!

I’ve had a few hopefully very hardy daffodils coming up for weeks now that have been snowed upon several times too. I always hope they know what they are doing when they poke up ahead of Mother Nature’s final call for spring to arrive.

But these trees and bushes well, they tell a different story…they bring hope that Mother Nature is getting herself ready for a spring revival once again and fairly soon too. The sun is brighter and warmer as it inches its way north and we are all responding with glee.

So, do go out and take a peak and see what surprises Mother Earth has in your neighborhood just waiting for you to discover! It might just bring a smile to you face and, in your heart, too!

What early spring surprises do you notice outside your door?
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Did you know that as of February 23rd there have been 85 mass shootings in the US since January 1st! The year got off with a literal bang in 6 different mass shooting locations in 5 different states on January 1st, too per Gun Violence Archive
( https://www.gunviolencearchive.org ).

That number of 85 mass shootings is bigger than the number of days of 2023 by 31. There were only 9 days thus far in 2023 that were mass shooting free days.

I wonder what today will bring?

Each time I see yet another incident on the news I do wonder if it will ever stop! We get all worked up after an incident occurs after more life is lost at the hand of a gun wielding assailant. Voices cry out for change and possibilities are suggested. And then life goes on and we go about our day…till the next one that is.

So far in spite of lots of talk nothing has changed and I know if nothing changes nothing changes.

No one is safe or immune from being a victim of gun violence. Doesn’t matter if you are tucked away at home or head to the grocery store or attend a church service or are in school or go to a large outdoor gathering or shop in a mall. Doesn’t matter if you live in a big city or small town, or if you are an adult or a child either. We are all potential targets.

I wish I had a magic want to swish it all away and fix whatever is broken and contributes to this rather complex problem. I don’t pretend to know what all the contributing factors or possible solutions entail. I just know it is a rather big problem growing bigger too with each day and each shooting and each life senselessly lost.

I only hope we don’t grow immune to the pain, to the outrage and fear we feel. I only hope someday very soon we can come together as a country to determine all that needs to be changed and fix what needs to be fixed to stop and prevent more mass shootings and deaths and changed forever lives and finally “Just Do It” as the old Niki slogan suggests! Its goanna take us all to resolve this one.

How does a mass shooting event affect you?
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Check out the Practice Tools page for resources to help cope with gun violence!

Some moments are very easy for me to be in them, immersed and taking it all in. Some moments my mind takes me on trips far away from what is actually going on around me in the here and now.

The outdoors generally makes it easier for me to be present rather up in my head thinking away.
Today is a good example of that…we have been snowed upon. The kind that rests on the tree limbs, trunk sand pine tree branches too. It’s a heavy wet snow. It’s very picturesque and grabs my attention.

I enjoy being outside when the snow is fresh. It seems to dampen the normal sounds that I might otherwise hear and creates a kind of silence that I don’t often hear living where I am at.

Silence deep silence is not all that common of an experience. And it moves me when I have glimpses of it. It makes me tip toe and whisper so as not to disturb it. It is something that awes me, something to be treasured and respected. Something important to be present for…a gift.

That is what the present moment is really, a gift.

We just have to take an intentional moment to experience it!

What is present in this moment for you?

Photo by Muffin Creatives; Pexels

We’ve consumed pizza in many different formats over the years. For a long time, my husband made us pizza of the homemade variety including sauce he made from scratch. This was a throwback to days very long ago when he worked in a pizza parlor and copied the recipe…oh but, please keep that to yourself!

And we’ve tried pizza from many different pizza places here in town…switching as we grew tired of one on to another place. It was the thing I did for years on my way home from work and grocery shopping…picked us up a pizza.

When COVID took over we ended up resorting to frozen pizzas with an occasional pick up one on special kind of Fridays. Recently my husband made us a yummy homemade one…I’d forgotten just how delicious those are…but that was a Happy Pizza Sunday celebration not Friday.

Friday seems like an important day of the week to celebrate…the end of the work week and the beginning of home time. And it’s one that comes around often like every week too so you don’t have to wait too long and yet have something fun and yummy to look forward to.

It’s the little traditions that bring joy and can take any ordinary day and turn it into one that we celebrate.

So, here’s to yet another Happy Pizza Friday to you!

What is a little joy you celebrate in your life?

​Here we sit on the cusp of a brand-New Year watching the old one fad away. We may find ourselves wondering exactly where this next year will take us as we travel the road of our life’s journey.

We may be making plans for where we’d like the road to go with hopes life steers us in the direction of our dreams. We may be reviewing where we’ve already traversed all the mountains and hurdles we’ve climbed, all the rivers and streams we’ve crossed, all the plans that were fulfilled and those we let go of.

It’s that time of year for reflection for looking both behind and ahead.

But no matter where we’ve been or where we go ‘we’ are still there. And ‘we’ still need to contend with ourselves no matter where we are, no matter how life goes, no matter where the road of our life takes us.

Making peace within ourselves for, with and about ourselves, the whole bloody picture we see when we take a good peek at that person we call self is at times a pretty mountainous task. It is however my wish for you in this New Year…finding peace deep within you, making peace deep within you…for the one and only you!

Please give yourself a great big hug of acceptance this New Year from my heart to yours!
Jude

Photo by Towfiqu barbhuiya; Pexels

The kind of peace that keeps you calm and centered and grounded when the world is full of its chaos around you. The kind of peace you want to come home to. The kind of peace that protects you. The kind of peace that hugs you way down deep inside your heart. The kind of peace you feel when you take a big deep breath, slowly release it and observe the tension inside you melt away. The kind of peace that makes you smile and brings you joy.

This is no small gift. And is not one that we can easily hang on to. Oh, we can grasp hold for a moment or two with practice but soon the world comes rushing right back into our minds eye interrupting our gift all too quickly…all too easily.

I love to watch very old holiday movies this time of year. One of my all-time favorites is “The Bishop’s Wife” a black and white film made in 1947 starring Gary Grant, Loretta Young and David Niven.

The very last line in the film captured my attention in my last viewing…interesting how many times I’ve watched this film only this time to finally really hear this message referencing peace on earth:

If, a great big if too….” we each put in our share” …of…” loving kindness, warms hearts and a stretched-out hand of tolerance” …we have the ingredients needed… “all the shining gifts that make peace on earth” …we simply need to share our gifts with each other to experience peace on this earth.

May you put in your share and receive the shares of others this holiday season and experience peace!
​Jude

Photo by Pixabay

Fall is a good reminder for me: change is…it just is…life is change.

I’ve kept a tea tag from several years ago that I read daily during my meditation practice: “The only constant is change”. I kept it because I need that reminder! I am one who likes to cling to what she wants life to be especially when things are going the way I prefer them! And I tend to fight against that which isn’t exactly what or the way I want it to be.

I am pretty much a typical human being like the rest of us…want what I want and want it now!

My meditation practice helps me to be more mindful of some of the moments when I am fighting against what is. I say some because I get all caught up in my thoughts.

It takes practice to catch my thinking and see it for what it really is: just a thought not reality.

When I assign a judgment thought about what is going on my whole body reacts with that judgment. The potential reactions are endless as are the results for me too…particularly when I object to what is going on! I create a tension inside. Sometimes that can be rather explosive.

Life is in constant change. I can’t change that reality. Wanting it not to be so really is a death of sorts in itself, for without change we would not exist!

With practice I can however learn to ride the waves of change and just like those colorful leaves that float so gracefully so merrily to the ground and I can find a joy that only acceptance can bring. One moment at a time!

What might you be resisting or fighting against in this very moment?
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That is today’s meditation title in Melody Beattie’s book, Journey to the Heart. It is a daily meditation book that I’ve read as a part of my meditation practice for several years now.

Today’s read is a good reminder for me…the importance and magic of trusting my inner guidance, finding my place and navigating my way each moment as life unfolds around me without seeing the exact destination on the path of life ahead.

There is a freedom in not being caught up in the illusion of control…the ability to experience joy results… a pure magical joy of each moment.

It requires me to open my heart to what is, just as it is.

This last year and a half due to the effects of long haul Covid it has been a struggle many, many, many moments to open my heart to so many of those moments. It’s not exactly what I thought I’d be doing. I never dreamed I would get sick and it would persist like it has.

My MO has been to be a planner with a to do list that I just simply get to it and do it each day. I have forged ahead getting the job done to my liking. That isn’t a way that works anymore. I may start with an idea but my body sometimes has other ideas for me and I keep learning to let go and do just what I can.

Each day it seems I’ve grown to trust my inner guidance to point me towards what I can tackle in the moment ahead.

Sometimes that has felt oddly willy nilly and very strange to me. There isn’t a routine to my day as there was for so much of my life.

The meditation ends with this phrase: “Not knowing has taught you to know more than you could ever imagine.” I suspect this is true for me…there is a strength I can feel coming from what I am learning. Ultimately it is helping my body to heal!

What are you learning from life’s unfolding around you?

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This summer I’ve given the still limited energy I have to connecting with family in person again…been way too many missed opportunities over the last 2 years between plain old Covid and my long haul Covid. I am happy to finally be able to drive long enough to visit my family on the other side of the state. Last summer I could not.

I am grateful for the progress I have been making towards wellness.

This long haul sure is just that. My normal life stopped rather abruptly in March of 2021. And, yet after all this time I still can do only a fraction of what my good old typical day once consisted of…but that fraction has grown a bit larger and I am most thankful too!

It’s interesting the many things I once so easily took for granted: spending time with family and friends, being able to easily work out in my flower beds—my garden therapy, walking for miles, needing only 8 hours of sleep, completing what I needed and wanted to in any given day, working in my profession—my life calling.

I do have hope for the future and a clearer appreciation for that which is important to me.

Every now and then when I get down about all that has been lost I pause and recall where I was a year ago and the gains I’ve made since then. And take a deep breath to appreciate all that is here in front of me…a sweet kitty, a lovely breeze with trees dancing in it, happy chirping birds flying about, the bright warm sunshine…this is the moment I am in, the here and now… it is what is!

The here and now is a lovely place to be!

What is in front of you in this very moment to appreciate?

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I have been inconsistent in my meditation practice for many months now…I feel it too in how disconnected and gloomy I have been.

Bottom line I haven’t wanted what is happening to be happening…I’ve been fighting against what is and that has been costly…I’ve lost connection to a centeredness I was once able to readily grasp hold of in the midst of life going on around me.

Yesterday I sat and renewed my practice…”Everything is as it should be”…staring into the flame of my candle and read the inspirational pieces I’ve collected and once focused on each day. It helped…my mood turned around.

This morning I practiced again and was brought to tears by the tag from a tea bag I saved: “Celebrate your successes and failures; both required great courage.”

As the candle flame danced with the breeze from an open door it came to me that has been me flickering about unable to settle down and be centered. And in fact, it has taken great courage for me to flicker as I have, being lost in the winds of life being life. In that moment I smiled with me and these hard times I am actually enduring even though not from a centered space of calm.

I can feel the sadness, the gloom, the fear, the frustration, the disconnection and let that be as it is too. All of it is just a part of the process of life and of learning as I go.

It is hard riding through the ebbs and flows life brings us at any age or stage of life or time period we live in…it just is for everyone!

May I, may you, may we all be balanced and at peace!

What successes and failures can you celebrate today?
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​On March 22, 2022 I am pleased to report that The Holland Sentinel published this article I wrote on their opinion page. I decided to share it here as well. Jude

Early this month the American Psychological Association distributed a survey as it has done yearly for 15 years called the Stress in America TM poll to 3012 adults over 18 in the US.

Not at all surprising we are a Nation under considerable stress.

The APA findings report the “Top sources of stress were the rise in prices of everyday items due to inflation (e.g., gas prices, energy bills, grocery costs, etc.) (cited by 87%), followed by supply chain issues (81%), global uncertainty (81%), Russia’s invasion of Ukraine (80%) and potential retaliation from Russia (e.g., in the form of cyberattacks or nuclear threats) (80%).”

All this, lands on top of two years of the Covid-19 pandemic which the survey reports
two-thirds of adults or 63% indicated that their life has been forever changed by, and an election year that challenged our democracy and pitted Americans against one another.

“The number of people who say they’re significantly stressed about these most recent events is stunning relative to what we’ve seen since we began the survey in 2007,” said Arthur C. Evans Jr., PhD, APA’s chief executive officer. “Americans have been doing their best to persevere over these past two tumultuous years, but these data suggest that we’re now reaching unprecedented levels of stress that will challenge our ability to cope.”

Wow “challenge our ability to cope” is a frightening statement considering we’ve already seen several years of mass shootings, an uptick in violent demonstrations, unruly passengers on planes that have had to be removed. More guns were sold in 2020 than any other year previously with 45,222 total gun deaths in 2020 the most on record and 40 active shooter incidents that year too.

The choices we each make in finding ways to cope with the stress we face matters greatly. Violence hurts us all.

Perhaps we can draw upon the collective strength of the Ukraine people as we negotiate through the stresses we face. They are a determined brave people who have stepped up to do their part to save their country. They are working together, fighting hard and have asked for help. They have shed tears, gone without food, heat, water, walked miles to keep their children safe, endured so many bombs and so very many losses while their cities are reduced to rubble. And, they keep on going.

Rising costs, not being able to find what we want, helplessly watching the invasion unfold from a distance and fearing what may come next is indeed intensely stressful. Those living in the Ukraine experience traumatizing stress daily.

Perspective is helpful to have. We don’t have to look far to see and be grateful for what we have in our own life…even our stressors too.

Living life is not smooth sailing. There are big and little waves to learn how to ride. We need to know how best to steer during the storms and how to swim and get back in after a wave knocks us out of the boat. Sometimes we even have to learn how to build another boat when ours is lost at sea.

Pain, hardship and loss are all part of living life. And, can’t be avoided no matter who we are or where we live.

Rather we need to find and use healthy coping strategies to ride the stress waves as they come our way. And, teach our children how to do this as well.

We can reach out for support from family and friends. We can seek help from professional counselors/social workers and doctors. We can join a self-help support community. We can learn how others cope with stress and try some different tools. We can find resources on line and in the library and book store too.

Importantly we can look deep inside ourselves and honor the emotional pain we are facing by naming it and allowing ourselves to feel it. We don’t have to avoid or run from it. Feelings are a part of being human. Feeling them is as well.

We can write our feelings/experiences in a notebook/journal to let it out. We can go for a walk and talk it out loud to ourselves. We can simply and in strength have a good cry when we need to. Tears are very functional they take stress chemicals out of our bodies and we experience some relief.

And, we can have compassion for ourselves as we negotiate through a stressful time and use that self-compassion to understand that others are struggling too and find compassion for others and the very humanness that we all share.

The APA report also noted that due to the last 2 years 71% polled have become better at prioritizing what is really important to them. It is important to recognize that out of the bad times in life some good does come. We learn. We grow. We gain strength. We become more resilient.

I challenge you to find healthy ways to cope during this intense time of stress that will benefit the greater good in us all!

Jude Vereyken
Resident Park Township

Check out the Practice Tools page for coping resources.
You can learn more about Anxiety Therapy and Contact Me to start treatment today!