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JD's Midlife Tools For Living Practices, LLC
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It has been two very long challenging years… goodness not one but two whole years….and over 80,863,512 cases of Covid-19 thus far in the US. We have lost over 982,576 people to the disease in the US…and worldwide over 5,986,829 people lost life from Covid-19. Staggering numbers and so much loss and change for so many of us.
A year ago, today on 3/7/21 I was hit with the worst headache I’ve ever had—woke up at 3 AM with it and intense muscle pain in my neck and back. I ended up soaking and falling asleep in an Epson salt bath to get some relief and spent the better part of 3 days in bed. Soon after fatigue began to set in along with excessive thirst and cravings for protein and carrots and apples as well. I felt like my body was starving.
Because of where I was working I had the Pfizer vaccine in December 2020 and January 2021…earlier than most people. It never occurred to me that I might have Covid-19 and I did not even think of or get tested. I didn’t have what I thought were the more common symptoms talked about at that time. Besides I was being extra careful masking up and social distancing myself appropriately. And there was not talk yet of break through infections either.
Ten days later, on 3/17/21 I left work due to the multitude of symptoms I was experiencing and have not been able yet to return to working. I still have fatigue and other symptoms that interfere with my daily functioning. I have improved greatly from where I was in the summer after 3 rounds of shingles. But I still have a way yet to go till I can start with part time work…getting closer and keeping fingers crossed that time will be soon.
On 4/1/21 I had a positive antibody test but the results were inconclusive because I had the vaccine in my system. After having seemingly every test in the book and not much being discovered as the culprit of my aliments I was diagnosed with long haul Covid-19 in February 2022 nearly a year after the initial start of my illness. That was a huge relief and validation.
For years I’ve known that every stinking part of our body has a separate specialist attached to treat it. Now I know what that feels like to experience the hurry up and wait for appointments and tests. And I learned that even within specialists there are those who specialize even more keenly in certain aspects of that part of our body’s functioning.
Meanwhile you sit and wonder and feel ill and don’t know why and try to get better as best you can. Some moments the uncertainty is easier to cope with than others. And time just marches on and life goes on around you.
Fortunately, as Covid-19 has lingered on we know more and more about the illness and more is being studied and coming to light about long haul Covid-19 as well. And there are resources now for people with long haul Covid-19.
Information is power I’ve always thought and it has helped me to search for information as I’ve been recovering.
A few gems I found are:
Survivor Corps was founded by a woman who had Covid-19 and developed long haul early in the pandemic. There is lots of information available at:
https://www.survivorcorps.com/
Recover, from the National Institutes of Health is doing a study you can opt to participate in and has resources on their site as well:
https://recovercovid.org
Mt. Sinai has a clinic for long haul Covid-19 and information on their website:
https://www.mountsinai.org/about/covid19/information-resources/center-post-covid-care
John Hopkins has a post Covid-19 care clinic and information on their website:
https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/coronavirus/pact/
NPR had an interview recently with Meghan O’rouke who discusses long haul and other chronic illnesses in a book she wrote. I found the interview helpful and validating as well:
https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2022/02/28/1083458296/long-covid-autoimmune-meghan-orourke-invisible-kingdom
It’s important if you find yourself dealing with a chronic illness that lingers and confounds you and the medical professionals around you to have people who believe in you and support you through what is a lonely time.
I’ve been fortunate to have a PCP, therapist, family members and friends surrounding me with hearts full of care the last year. For each one of them I am most grateful!
My heart goes out to all those who have experienced or have had a loved one experience Covid-19. I know my condition has been very painful for my husband to witness and care takers get worn out and worry too.
Check out our Grief Therapy page. Do Contact Me if you would like to begin therapy.
Mother Nature brought us a pretty blue sky with puffy clouds and sunshine today and a couple of inches of snow over night that left the trees all winter white. That is until the wind paid a little visit.
I just happened to glance out a window as the wind began to nudge the snow so very gently from the tops of the pine trees. The snowflakes danced in the sunshine as they made their way to the ground. The individual flakes sparkled in the sunshine. There were thousands of them floating down so effortlessly so joyfully too. You could make out every single one dazzling in the sun. I was transfixed.
Such a gift to have witnessed this amazing scene…it brought a smile to my lips and joy to my heart! I was in the right place at the right time to view this absolutely beautiful wonder.
There are a multitude of wonders that are available to us each day to experience. So often we are up in our heads all too caught up in our thinking to see what is right in front of us. We miss so much.
All it takes is a mindful awareness of where we are at and what is around us in the moment we are in and a willingness, an openness, a curiousness to be present to see the wonders that are in our life’s path.
Those glistening flakes danced their way to the ground for seemingly a long time as the wind nudged more and more off the tree limbs till the trees were empty. It was like time had slowed down…I didn’t want the beauty to end. But it did as all things do…as all life does change from moment to moment.
What wonders are in your path at this very moment?
Photo by Mikhail Nilov; Pexels
Where has January gone…. for that matter where did 2021 go? Time marches forward seemingly faster every year I think! This month I have been able to work more deeply on grieving the multitude of losses 2021 brought to me.
Grief work is just that…work.
It takes time and energy and we have to be ready to accept all that comes up and out doing the work.
All this is part of my healing journey…body, mind and spirit.
My body is growing stronger thankfully allowing for me to do other work necessary to heal and move forward.
My meditation time today took me to a place of peace and acceptance.
As I focused my thoughts on inhaling: “Everything Is”, and exhaling:” As It Should Be” tears came to my eyes as they did way back some 20 plus years ago when I first learned and practiced this powerful meditation. I felt myself let go…clearly, I’ve been holding in so very much. It was a significant moment for me today and back years ago as well…I shan’t forget either.
I’ve been most fortunate to get what I need when I need it in my life and for that I am most grateful.
It’s not always what I want mind you but what I need…hence the reality check that “everything is as it should be” has been and continues to be a very powerful tool and reminder for me…peace comes through acceptance.
I can’t change what is in this moment or what has been. Rather through acceptance clarity allows me to make choices in the moments yet to come.
So today I hope to carry forth with willing hands, an open heart and gratitude for all Mother Earth has given to me! I wish this for you as well!
What are some things in your life’s journey that need healing and acceptance?
Photo by Tara Winstead
There are days of my life that I will not ever forget for various reasons. 9/11//01 is one of those…I recall the horror and fear I felt and the wondering what the foreign enemy would do next. It felt surreal, unsafe, like I was in another country not the USA. I revisit it on the anniversary of that day too.
Another such day is today…1/6/20 is a day I shan’t forget either. This time the enemy was our own people not some strangers from another country… rather people just down the street.
I recall wondering exactly who I could trust and really fearing what would happen next. It was a surreal day. Once again, I felt like I was in another country someplace where coups happen and leaders take over defying the people’s collective voice. It was a horrifying to see the day unfolding as it did.
I now have a small taste of what it must be like to live in a country where leaders are corrupt, governments are over thrown and the people live in fear for their lives.
I certainly never expected to see such a demonstration of insurrection here in the USA…what a sad day for our democracy…I felt so lost that day.
The day remains under investigation with roadblocks to overcome in order to determine all the truths of what unfolded.
There are lessons to be learned from that day and all that led up to it.
There are fences to mend and bridges to be built. Voices to be heard and understandings to be gained. Differences to accept and respect to be earned. Hearts to soften and minds to be eased.
We need to know all that unfolded and led up to that day in order to move forward and grow as a Nation.
Clarity can only come when we see all there is to see. Until then such an event can happen again right here in River City USA.
I for one hope it never happens again. How about you?
Photo by Jill Wellington; Pexels
This year my mind locked onto the song that Bing sings:
“In the Land of Beginning Again”
There’s a land of beginning again
Where skies are always blue
Though we’ve made mistakes, that’s true
Let’s forget the past and start life anew
Though we wander by a river of tears
Where sunshine won’t come through
Let’s find that paradise where sorrow can’t live
And learn the teachings of forget and forgive
In the land of beginning again
Where broken dreams come true
There’s a land of beginning again
Where skies are always blue
Though we’ve made mistakes, that’s true
Let’s forget the past and start life anew
Though we wander by a river of tears
Where sunshine won’t come through
Let’s find that paradise where sorrow can’t live
And learn the teachings of forget and forgive
In the land of beginning again
Where broken dreams come true
The song was written by Grant Clark and George Mayer and was first recorded in 1918…over a hundred years ago now. There is speculation it was adapted from an earlier poem by Louisa Fletcher known as Mrs. Willard Connely.
It strikes me as a perfect theme to usher in the New Year…. a new beginning of sorts. A traditional time that people make new goals as they look ahead to a brand-new year and reflect on the past.
This year learning how to forgive and forget seems to me especially important for this country’s citizens to do.
We have much healing and mending to do, bridges to repair and much forgiveness to learn to give to one another so we can move forward and start a new year without carrying old heavy baggage along with us.
In truth we have this opportunity each day to start a new and let go of any heaviness we carry in our hearts towards not just others but our own self too.
Self-forgiveness is the key to unlock the door towards tolerance of others.
We are all imperfect beings we just are. Mistakes are a part of living life. Owning those helps us move forward. It humbles us to do so too.
Recognizing our own imperfections allows us to see in the eyes of others the common humanity we all share too.
If both you and I make a commitment to remember and use the wisdom of forgive and forget we can certainly make strides towards the direction of that land of beginning again. We can leave some of the darkness and gloom behind us and reach towards clearer peaceful skies for 2022.
So how about it? Will you join me?
Photo by Madison Inouye; Pexels
Photo by Elizabeth Lizzie; Pexels
In comparison,
405,399 US people died in WWII
116,516 US people died in WWI
58,220 US people died in Vietnam War
36,914 US people died in Korean War
6800 US people died in the Revolutionary War
And, “Since the Revolutionary War ended, 646,596 American troops have died in battle and more than 539,000 died from other, non-combat related causes,” according to Military.com.
( https://www.military.com/memorial-day/how-many-us-militay-members-died-each-american-war.html )
But, 800,473 and soon to be more, people in the US have died due to Covid a far more invasive and lethal enemy than all the others this country has been in battled with to date.
The incredibly sad part is just how many of these deaths could have been prevented and just how many people who die today didn’t really have to. That is if they had just done the right things like mask up, social distance and get vaccinated. They would most likely still be here to enjoy the holidays with their loved ones who instead will be mourning their loss and planning funerals not baking holiday cookies and wrapping gifts. The season for them will be joyless.
This is an incredible tragedy.
Senselessly tragic are those who still pointedly refuse to believe the science and instead are fighting against the very weapons built to keep them safe from harm.
The number of people affected by these individuals are staggering…from family members, to first responders, to all the medical professionals who have worked for nearly 2 years to save lives and are exhausted, to others who have medical emergencies and have to wait in hospital emergency room long lines for care, to those who they cross paths and infect with the virus enemy.
Our actions do affect others.
Perhaps clinging to the belief that one can defy nature blinds some of us. So many have stood tall defending that right and also died a needless painful death. And people persist even as their ranks are struck down by yet another and another blow from the enemy named Covid.
This Covid enemy only wants to take us into its grip. And it has people fighting against each other rather than against it too. It is a powerful enemy indeed.
To those of you I plead: Isn’t it time to put out a white flag and call a truce? Covid will win if you don’t! It will take your life too! It is waiting in dark corners, plotting and planning its next attack. Will you be its next victim?
Thinking ‘it won’t happen to me’ is really signing your own death sentence. That is your weakness and the Covid enemy knows it.
The time to act is now while you still have a choice!
Find your strength and do the right thing. Or you too will die a needless and painful death and become yet another number in the pile of this Covid war’s deaths…and become No. 800, 474 and counting.
I for one do not want to mourn this world’s loss of your life too! The world needs you alive!
What will you do today to protect yourself from the enemy Covid?
It’s been a fairly dark and stormy year some days for me following a pretty difficult year before this one too.
The year has been a painful one both emotionally and physically in a variety of directions. There were moments too I will not lie that I didn’t think I could go on and brief moments I didn’t want to either. I have been a pretty healthy person all of my life so to have spent the last 9 months unable to do very much has required more of me than at times I knew I had.
Not knowing exactly what is wrong is a strange kind of pain.
It has kept me in search of answers and wondering and even questioning myself some too. It helped me to reach out to others from doctors to researchers to reporters to others challenged with similar health concerns for ideas and information and to find some hope for resolution to this ongoing health dilemma that continues to persist.
This year has brought me a far greater appreciation for people with chronic health conditions.
I marvel at how others manage to do it having glanced into what a limited life is like. Frankly it sucks not being able to do all I want to anytime I want to as well. I have taken so much for granted, so so very much too!
We experience so much grief when our health status changes.
It has been important for me to give myself space to grieve the multitude of losses illness has brought. At first it was fairly easy for me to hold a more jovial attitude and use humor to help me get by. That grew harder to muster as time went on and there is no end to be seen insight.
And then I found once again my ever-helpful meditation mantra: (inhale) everything is (exhale) as it should be. I lost it for a bit in the gloom of the night.
Frankly at times it was hard to open my own tool box! Inside it my tools include: four kittens to help me smile and move, therapy sessions, journaling, walking, stretching, mediation, holding a grateful heart for all my life has brought to me and a multitude of other tools I can readily pick up and use.
I share this so you know that you are not alone in your life journey no matter what challenges you face. We all struggle at times, we just do.
Life is hard work and pain in not something we can avoid no matter who we are.
A journey shared creates healing. Knowing we are not alone brings relief. Out of pain there come awareness and with awareness comes growth!
I hold on to the hope of resuming my career as a therapist and of using my new-found awareness to help support others…after all everything is as it should be…. no matter what life brings… there is a purpose for what this year has taught me!
What new awareness’s have your life challenges this year brought to you?
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2021 has been a harsh year for me full of a multitude of losses but also some important gains that include new and deepening friendships and a focus on those people in my life who are so important to me.
It has been a reminder that even with bad there are good things that we acquire in our life’s journey.
I read in the Parade Magazine that comes with our local newspaper that Covid has boosted resiliency. According to a study done by the Cleveland Clinic and Parade Magazine 75 percent of those surveyed said they felt better equipped to handle life challenges due to their experience over these many months of coping with Covid.
It is suspected that a sense of pride for having survived and developed coping skills for dealing with stress contributes to the boosted resiliency.
When I think about WWII and how hard the Greatest Generation worked to do all they did to thrive and survive, it makes sense to me that now perhaps again out of such a challenging time we as a Nation are gaining strength as we negotiate the ebbs and flows that the Covid challenge has created.
Tis an opportunity for growth that isn’t about to end any time soon with numbers of ill and dying once again rising. It seems to me that we have so much more growing to do as a Nation. We are at such odds-on simple things like vaccines and wearing masks.
Perhaps Covid will not go quietly away until we can figure out just how to play together better! How to quit squabbling and come together for the good of human kind and do what we need to do for the greater good of all.
Then we will truly be strong and resilient and I will have even more to be very grateful for! For now, I hold on to a hope and am grateful for the life lessons I have learned.
What are you grateful for today?
Generally speaking I tend to look before I leap, plan ahead, prepare, check things out…one day this week however I leaped and didn’t look and found a very interesting surprise in the bottom of my coffee cup!
Yes, that little spider in the picture somehow did not end up in my mouth! Thank goodness too!
I can’t imagine how many zillions of times I have poured myself a cup of morning coffee since I was 17 when I started regular coffee drinking and never dreamed of finding a little something in the bottom of my cup let alone actually finding one!
I am not particularly fond of spiders…not sure why they get such a bad rap but they do and I tend to keep a cordial distance from most of them. Daddy long legs however I find fascinating and don’t shy away from them so much.
I tend to assign special meanings to out of the ordinary events when they occur. Like when an owl visits our yard in full view or I hear one close by…that makes for a special day…kind of a good thing… an omen of something positive…some wisdom to befall me perhaps…a sign that I am on the right track.
But a spider in my mug? Yikes…what in the world could that possibly mean….?
I had a choice that day to see that rather unusual event as a vision of spidery things to come or else what? I decided to focus on the part of the event that allowed me to see him and not come to taste him! And be grateful he didn’t stop me from ever enjoying another cup of coffee again!
It really does come down to how we look at things in life doesn’t it!
How many times I have simply gulped down that last bit of coffee in my cup without giving much thought to the brew I can not imagine. I wonder what made me pause and look into the cup and notice that little guy sloshing around the bottom?
Perhaps just perhaps, there was a wise owl quietly sitting outside close by sending me some vibes! Where ever the divine intervention came from I am most grateful!
And I did offer an apology to my drowned little friend who in a matter of a few hours thought he had a safe new home inside my favorite coffee mug…little did we both know!
How will you choose to look at events that unfold in your life today?
A few days ago, on my very slow but accomplished morning walk I discovered the curious wonder that you see pictured here.
From a distance I couldn’t tell what is was. A white beam that looked like it was holding up or helping to keep the mailbox balanced.
It was glistening in the sunshine and caught my attention. Mother Nature had a wonder for me to explore.
And so, I did.
As I approached fine intricate threads carefully woven into what looked like a blanket revealed itself in the sunshine to me. It appeared rather fuzzy and thick and was skillfully attached to the post and the grass below.
There must have been hundreds of thousands of threads shimmering in the sunshine for it to look that full I thought. What a lot of work for a spider to weave such a sparkling blanket! Rather amazing too.
When I moved to the front of the post, my perspective changed. I easily saw through that not so thick blanket! I could easily make out some of the individual amazingly fine threads so skillfully woven.
Just how does a spider create such a master piece? Truly an art form! And just one of the multitudes of little and big natural wonders available to me each day.
Sometimes when we look from different angles we see things in different ways!
It’s important to explore and be curious and open to all really see all that is there. It is easy to miss things or come to a not so accurate conclusions when we are not open to other perspectives.
It is that post that provides a support beam to the spider’s masterpiece and not the other way around as it first appeared to be.
All I have to do is venture outside for a little walk, be present and fully take in what is before me!
And I don’t even have to go very far either….to hear a song bird singing a beautiful tune, watch a Robin snatch a worm and eat it, see a humming bird drink nectar from a flower, watch a chipmunk chase a rabbit, see a ground squirrel with puffed up cheeks full of bird seed, hear the tree tops dancing as the wind moves through them, feel the rain drops on my face, smell the sweet scent of rain, watch a leaf delicately float down to the ground, see the various colors of blue in the sky, catch the sun at she comes up and sets at the end of the day…
I simply have to pause and be present with the wonders Mother Nature presents to me each day!
What is a nature’s wonder in your view right this very minute?
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I didn’t till just a few moments ago when I learned that Peter J. McGuire, a carpenter and labor union leader, was the person who came up with the idea for Labor Day. Mr. McGuire thought American workers should be honored with their own day. So, he proposed his idea to the New York’s Central Labor Union early in 1882, and they decided the holiday was a good idea, too.
There are many special laborers this Labor Day that need to be recognized!
There are many many many people who have endured working the front lines through our Covid pandemic and other natural disasters this past year and still keep going…very much like the good old Energizer Bunny too…
from nurses and doctors to all those who work in the multitude of hospitals, physician offices and health and mental health care offices and cacility’s around our country,
to all the grocery store workers and truck drivers and manufacturing workers and farm workers who keep our supply of grocery goods flowing,
to all the transportation workers and delivery people and a host of manufacturing workers who keep us stocked up on the things we need for our daily lives,
to all the energy and water workers, emergency personnel and first responders, construction and road crews
to all the fire fighters blazing fires that keep on burning his year,
to all those helping to rescue and clean up after all the natural disasters this county has endured
to all the scientists and researchers who keep learning more about this rapidly evolving Covid virus and those who are pushing ahead on climate change initiatives
to all those in the industries that manufacture the vaccines and medicines and medical equipment needed to protect and treat those suffering
to all the business owners whose livelihoods have been interrupted or lost
to all those who have lost jobs due to the various crisis this country is in
I salute you all for the work that you do! I especially am grateful this year to you as well! My life would not be what it is if it weren’t for each one of you!
All jobs, all work is honorable…no matter what job we do…especially in this last year your work has mattered so very much to me!
I thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Jude
