JD's Midlife Tools For Living Practices, LLC

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McAllister developed liver failure as her pancreatitis worsened this summer. She hung in there with us as long as she could. I am most grateful to have grown closer to her this year…she kept me company these months of being ill. Little did I realize just how ill she was growing too.

Miss Mac earned her many names from McAaallllvvviiiinnn to McBelly she had a presence all over this house. There are many many empty spots that only Mac a doodle do can fill too. I see her and hear her where ever I go. Those memories bring both a tear and a smile to my heart.

Our furry friends give so much and typically ask for so little.

Mac the Mouth was the exception with a commanding voice and high expectations she knew just how to get her belly rubbed and how to get one of her favorite people food treats too…she ruled this roost! Make no mistake this was her house! I was her humble servant for which I am most honored to have had the job of being.

We shared a special bond deepened this year with the time we had together. She was smarter than the average bear I would tell her. A clever communicative one. I swear we read each other’s minds!

Mac claimed my husband as hers from the moment they met at the humane society and he held a special place for her too.

Ah Miss Mac a doodle do I sure love and miss you! Forever in my heart you will be!

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I learned that phrase many years ago from a person I know via my work. I recall being saddened at the time it was said to me knowing how much this person had endured. What I didn’t appreciate until much later in my life is just how wise this person is! Today I celebrate this person’s wisdom.

It certainly has been the case in my life that through the really tough times I’ve learned so much and grown so much in various ways too.

If it weren’t for that really hard time I would have not grown as I did.

That reality makes it a tad bit more palatable to face in the moment the pain of whatever it is that is really hard to endure.

Good comes from bad.

Sometimes we have to look hard for it. Sometimes we have to wait a long time to see it too.

Adversity strengthens us.

We have to find and use life tools to weather through it, to feel the pain, to grow in the way’s life strengthens us. Giving up diminishes us and prevents the very growth we need to sustain life.

Avoiding pain prevents us from fully living.

Life is painful at times it just is. Life is hard at times it just is. Life is not fair at times it just is not. That is reality. That is life itself it just is!

What are the life tools you use to weather through the really hard times?
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Let me introduce my little Missy McAllister to you in case you have not met her before. She is the one and only in many ways including that she is the last of the 3 kittens we adopted from the Human Society 16 ½ years ago now…the others are in kitty heaven and I visit them in our back yard often and see their pictures on our mantle every day! I miss them.

McAllister has earned many names from McBelly to MacArthur to McAllllvvviiiinnnn….to a host of others…she lets her needs be known in a very vocal way and not softly either!

I am delighted to have grown closer to Miss Mac this year. She attached herself at the Human Society to my husband as a wee little kitten instantly, claimed him and has been ‘his’ since.

However, since I am parked on the couch and available at a beacon call and she knows how to get her way…well we’ve grown closer and I am delighted. She is a very sweet kitty.

One of our morning rituals is for me to sit on the floor kiss her up and brush her in the very early morning hours…I am a morning person. I think we both purr during this time together!

This is only one of the many wonderful things that have come out of my shingles bout. I don’t have to look very far to see a ton of them…from renewing my closeness with my husband, to reconnecting with old friends, to making new friends, to having more energy and time to spend with my family all be it mostly on line.

I have been reminded of the importance of the people in my life.

And, I badly needed the reminder too! I had lost my way once again I can see now. I am finding me again too!

There are many good things that come out of bad times!

It is important to take stock of those good things because on the hard days and there still are those for me, I don’t have to look far before I see that there is a purpose for all I am going through, many of them!

As I say each day and believe: Everything Is, As It Should Be!

This is a meditation: inhale saying ‘everything is’ and exhale saying ‘as it should be’ over and over and over again. Helps me to accept that which is as it is even when I would rather it not be…if I don’t I suffer wanting something I have no control over because it is as it is in this moment!

Would I really rather NOT be parked on the couch at this moment writing this, of course…but tis what it tis and when I look not very far at the sweet Mighty Mac sleeping so sweetly across from me and the sun making its way up through the trees outside the windows…I’d be missing this moment if I weren’t recovering with yet a second outbreak of shingles!

What are you grateful for in this very moment?
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Please rub my belly!

Hi I am a sweetheart aren’t I!?

I’m dreaming of eating all the cheese, yogurt, avocados, green beans and peas that I want…..

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First off, it’s because of my Dad who was a man dedicated to his family who worked hard to provide so well and so much for us.

I wish you a Happy Father’s Day dear Dad! And, miss you especially on special days like today. I am so glad YOU were MY Dad!

Secondly, it’s because of several other men in my life—my husband, my Mom’s brother—Unk, my Father in law, my Mom’s partner and several male bosses I’ve had over the years who nurtured my career and believed in me.

All these men have been there for me in the ways a decent man needs to be! I thank you all!

Finally, and importantly as well because of our Founding Fathers who had the foresight so very many years ago to see into the future and want for us, for this country to come to know in our hearts that “all men (women) are created equal”! Sadly, those are words that we yet have so much work ahead to finally achieve.

I thank you for Founding Father’s for your vision.

Today, I do recognize that progress has been made towards that goal our Founding Fathers set for us with our first National celebration yesterday of Juneteenth! And, in our first African American woman Vice President ever sworn into office.

2021 is an important year!

I find it sad that I did not know about those enslaved in Texas for two years after The Emancipation Proclamation was signed until 2020 when I read my cousin Lisa Wingate’s book: The Book of Lost Friends . Lisa’s book is definitely worth a read and will open your eyes as it did mine.

Even sadder is that whilst I’ve heard the term Juneteenth and know it’s been celebrated for several years now, I honestly didn’t understand what it referenced until earlier this past week!

Yesterday a dear friend sent me Happy Juneteenth wishes and a link to this video on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xit09LrjJUU

And I watched and listened multiple times to it as tears came to my eyes…the beauty of the melody and the voices and the words the song proclaims captured my heart. Mine was a quiet reflective celebration of some liberties finally being granted—I say some because we “the people of the United States of America” have yet a very long way to go!

2021 marks a new beginning in all kinds of ways!

Who are you grateful for this Father’s Day?

You would never know the light” …

This is a saying I discovered on a Yogi tea tag this spring that I’ve tucked away and remind myself of each day.

Early this morning while still very dark outside, we had a big storm blow through our area. It poured thankfully too, as we desperately need the rain! The wind blew hard and I pictured in my mind’s eye because it was too dark to actually see them, our huge trees waving frantically as the winds pushed and pulled and swirled around them.

Those trees that have been here 90 years are firmly rooted and have weathered many a storm. One even lost a chunk of its’ top several years back and still remains standing strong—tossing around in the wind.

When we are firmly planted, rooted and grounded well, we can weather those life storms around us bending, adjusting, coping and swaying all the while standing tall and firm.

I find this is me right now…bending, swaying, adjusting and weathering these life storms that have brewed up around me remaining firmly planted, rooted, grounded in who I am with integrity, compassion and life experiences that have taught me how to do just that!

For all those life experiences I am grateful too! As I’ve said many a time since I was a wise 18-year-old—I would not be who I am without them…each and every one!

Truly, without the darkness I would never know the light…on all kinds of levels and in all kinds of ways too!

There is a light, a vision, a dream of a new fresh start for my career ahead…so please gentle reader…stay tuned! The best is yet to come!

What helps hold you firmly planted, rooted, grounded in place?
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I was and still am in awe of what our soldiers encountered, endured, witnessed and experienced. I found myself in tears while I watched the depiction of events as they unfolded.

I/we owe our lives as we know it today to this “The Greatest Generation” of people of our country. For them, my parents and grandparent’s generation, I owe my life in a multitude of ways.

I am certain if those in my generation of Baby Boomers on forward were living at the time of WWII, I/we would not be here today! I say that because it is us, “my generation” who have so sadly not lived up to the words of this song they sang years ago.

We can’t even all wear a mask! We can’t even all get Covid vaccinated! We can’t even all get along! We can’t even all treat each other respectfully! We can’t even all come together to fight off a pandemic! How sad is that! We would surely have perished, crumbled into tiny pieces if we were alive back in the 1940’s!

So, it is to “The Greatest Generation” of people who came together, worked hard together, sacrificed together, fought so courageously and selflessly together that I am eternally grateful for this Memorial Day. And, I thank you from ‘the bottom of my heart’!

Very sadly, it won’t be long before all of you are resting peacefully… Do know your legacy lives on! You are a role model and inspiration to me. And, I am hopeful that your efforts will inspire future generations to do better too!

Many many thanks to you!

Who are you grateful for this Memorial Day?

The last 14 months have been so very stressful for us all. We have been dealing with a global pandemic that the whole world was terribly ill prepared for. It has been so outside of our everyday life boxes that most of us have really struggled to figure out how to cope with it all.

I know we have each been trying to do our best, we have endured many losses in the process and, we are growing weary too. It has been an incredibly hard time!

I like to think of us all running around in life with imaginary tool boxes and well, the bigger the box and the more resources we have inside it all the better. Because sometimes in fixing something we reach for a hammer when actually we need to go back and get a screw driver to do the job instead!

With that in mind I want to make you aware of some wonderful articles and resources I discovered that National Public Radio (NPR) has on their newsfeed site. If you look up the article: If Your Brain Feels Foggy And You’re Tired All The Time, You’re Not Alone by Rhitu Chatterjee you will find some very helpful information related to coping with the Coronavirus Crisis.

Alongside this NPR article are other articles relating to coping with the pandemic that you can easily access too.
All of this information is free and at your fingertips…well you and your computer’s that is!

This is the link you can use to find this information:
https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2021/05/06/992401123/if-your-brain-feels-foggy-and-youre-tired-all-the-time-youre-not-alone

I offer this in hopes that you will discover some additional resources to add to your life coping tool box as you journey through these rather challenging times.

​I found the information most useful myself! It is good to know I am not alone in how I am feeling and what I am experiencing! We are after-all, all in this together!

​How are you really doing after all these months of the pandemic?

I truly am strong because of the women in my life who’ve raised me!

And they are many, many, many in number—from my mom, to my dear sister, to my grandma’s, to some aunts and cousins who gave to me, to special teachers, to my husband (not all “mothering” comes from women), to my dear friends of both sexes, to my mom in law, to many of my bosses, to countless strangers who’ve touched my life and nurtured me along the way and finally to myself after all I’ve learned to “mother” me too!

I pay tribute to you all and thank you on this special day for I would not be who I am without all the love, care, guidance, connections and nurturing you all generously and graciously have given me along the way of my life’s journey!

I remember in one of my very first Social Work classes in MSW grad school taught by a wonderful woman learning that all we need in life is “good enough” mothering and this can come from all kinds of people not just our moms who give us birth. And, that is really important because none of us is or will ever be perfect at what we do.

That includes our very human mothers who I firmly believe given everything in their lives growing up with imperfect parents did and do the very best they can in nurturing their kids.

But we cannot give a) what we don’t get or b) what we don’t fix that was not available for us or hurt us growing up!

I do not have to look far to see evidence of how broken people hurt others: all the racial injustices, inequalities, hate and violence against people of color; each gun violence episode; cyber criminals and phone scammers who steal from others; all the people who feel they are entitled and don’t wear masks that I’ve encountered while shopping at Meijer’s and the store managers who don’t take action to stop it and fail to protect their workers; to the Tulip Time organizers who chose money and greed over the best interest of the entire community during this ongoing pandemic and held a huge week-long event drawing people from all over the United States to this small community; to the Mayor’s office who last year prior to Tulip Time asked people to not come here (per an article in the Holland Sentinel on May 1, 2021) and this year per a statement the Mayor emailed to me citing others with authority over that office to do anything about it; to Beechwood Church that hosted the Blessings of the Bikes event drawing hundreds of people to the area a few weeks ago when the township I live in decided against hosting it due to the pandemic; to all those who have chosen to come here to participate in these events potentially adding to the Covid spread in this already highly infested area; to all those who have threatened to harm the Governor of Michigan; to all those who participated in the insurrection earlier this year at the US Capital and the ex-president who led the charge and the Congressional Representative and Senators who voted against impeaching that man; to those who bully others at work and bosses who foster toxic work environments…

I don’t have to look very hard to notice that there are lots of people who’ve not received “good enough mothering”, healed their childhood wounds or learned to ”mother” themselves.

When we do harm to others it is out of some deep dark place inside of us that this energy comes. It is an area inside that is vital to look at, face and heal, otherwise, we can do harm to those around us of with this energy we carry.

Even at our best as humans we do step on each other’s toes. We are human after all and perfection is not a human quality. It simply is not possible to achieve.

Humility, vulnerability, openness, honesty, self-reflection, owning up and making amends is the only way to “mother” the world around us! Being grateful for all we have helps too!

It is extra exciting to celebrate this Mother’s Day with our very first woman Vice President in the White House. Her presence and who she is as a person brings an added importance and strength to all of us women this year.

To Vice President Harris and to all those “mothers” of and in my life, I thank you for all you’ve given and still give to me! I would not be who I am if it weren’t for all the love you’ve so selflessly given to me!

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I ask you gentle reader to consider: who are the ‘mothers’ in your life that you appreciate today?

‘Walkin’ down life’s avenue…’

Let me introduce my newest friend to you: Mr. Bug!

Mr. Bug came to visit a couple of weeks ago when early spring melted into summer and our screen-less windows were open a bit to allow fresh air inside out house. He decided to join us too and has not left yet!

Summer turned into winter again and I won’t let him leave till well… I know he’ll survive back out in the wild!

Meantime, I almost killed him several days ago when I emptied a thermos of hot water down the sink and he got swept up in the title wave and ended up in the bottom of the sink drain basket all crumpled up. I got him out onto a piece of paper and put him on the window sill, apologizing profusely and kept a careful eye on him. Within several hours he was back to his old self checking thing out and hanging out in the window sill and sink bottom once again…phew!

It was at this point that I adopted him in a much deeper way and our friendship grew.

A day or two later Mr. Bug attempted suicide by somehow ending up in the silver ware basket of the dish drainer in the sink! He got himself lodged in it and was all but dead in some water that had accumulated in one corner of it.

Well, I was a ‘basket case” when I saw him down there and attempted to drain the remaining water out. Assuming he was dead I went back to bed as it was in the middle of the night when I found him during my trek to the kitchen for a sip of water.

The next morning, he still was there in the bottom of the basked drainer looking like a drowned rat of a bug. I fished him out carefully and once again put him on paper on the window ledge this time assuming he was dead and began mourning my loss—he’d become my friend!

Feeling sad is what we do when we experience a loss no matter what the size or significance of the ‘thing’ we’ve lost.

He laid there that day all crumpled up and I went on with my daily tasks wondering what would be a proper burial for my friend.

Many hours later when I was at the kitchen sink and he’d moved from one part of the paper to the other side. I assumed the paper that was not lying flat because it had been damp and dried up and so he moved and he slid to the other side of it. A bit later on I began to notice his drowned rat looking appearance was not exactly the same.

I was curious and kept watching him and tried to figure out exactly who he is in the bug-kingdom. I had no idea just how many bugs look a lot like him and really have no clear idea who he is—other than Mr. Bug! His given name by me. He’s an awful handsome fella too!

I fondly remember the talking horse ‘Mr. Ed’ who had his own show from my TV childhood watches and ‘Mr. Green Jeans’ from Captain Kangaroo… So ‘Mr. Bug’ resonates well with me even though a friend of mine suggests it is far too formal a name given how ‘close’ we’ve become.

I just don’t want to end up having him think that I am doing a ‘Mr. Bill’ on him, recalling Saturday Night Live from many years ago…

Oh, but I digress…

Mr. Bug miraculously recovered very slowly in the hours and days after his suicide attempt! He grew back an antenna that was clipped short, repaired a leg that was crushed and hobbled about till he got completely well again! Absolutely amazing how his body repaired itself!

His journey is an inspiration to me on many levels:

His ability to heal—he rested, his body worked hard to heal, he wanted to get better, he needed help and he trusted me even after I tried to drown him!
He gives me hope—this cute little guy. I’m home on leave due to shingles doing much the same as he, have a wounded body, hobble around when my muscles tighten and cramp up, have to rest a lot, want my life back, do all I can to get well, need support and all kinds of help, and have to figure out who I can trust and who I cannot trust too!

We can’t get through life all alone! We all, even Mr. Bug, need the love and care of people in this world we live in to do so!

But, we can’t trust everyone who we encounter in our lives to do the right thing.

Mr. Bug knows just who he can trust and count on—me! He now has an ‘eco’ environment on the window sill filled with outside ‘stuff’ of his normal environment. By guess and by golly I’m learning by watching him what he needs to survive and giving it to him.

It takes patience, kindness and care and a big heart to nurture another human being no matter what the size!

For all those who’ve been there for me I am most grateful.

For all those who’ve been there for all those who’ve been so ill with Covid this last year plus—I am SOOOOO very grateful for too!

My next hurdle will be to decide what’s best for Mr. Bug—a life outside in the wild or a limited life on my window sill?

Whilst I will miss his company and inspiration I know the answer to that one—it will be a painful goodbye for us both I suspect when one day next week winter turns back to spring and summer is on the horizon again…

My life will not be the same for just knowing Mr. Bug! A treasured friend whose helped me grow! I thank you Mr. Bug!

Friendships come and go for all kinds of reasons—true friends remain in our hearts forever!

Who’s been there for you? How can you thank them right now for all they’ve given to you?

Dew drops on grass blades and tootsies on kittens
Hot tea with milk cream and warm socks a fittins’
Delight when my in-box email tone pings
These are a few of my self-caring things.

‘Zero Water’ with my faves “rise” and go “shine”
On “Journey to the Heart” my mind likes to dine
The birds’ spring time morning chorusing rings
There are a few of my self-caring things.

McAllister winking flickering her lashes
Kitty snuggles till her sharp teeth she nashes
The time to watch my garden bloom into spring
These are a few of my self-caring things.

When body jerks’ bites
When fart stench stings
When I’m feeling sad
I simply remember by self-caring things
And then I don’t feel so bad!

Taking care of myself has become music to my ears these days.

My shingled-out body lets me know loud and clear that self-caring is a necessary priority. And my wise mind is open to hearing and giving this body of mine what it needs to recover. And thankfully so too!

It is important that we have a mountain of ways to take good care of ourselves.

Some days I can’t walk very far and those days I need to nap. Somedays I can wander a bit down the street or out into my yard and soak up the fresh spring air and savor the wonderful colors in my yard… other days a gaze out the window has to do.

The taller our mountain of self-caring things the more likely we will have the appropriate tool to draw upon the moment we need it the most!

What are some of your self-caring things?
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…The one I love the best of all is spring.”

I wrote that poem as a young teen and in the spring season of renewal I am often reminded of the verse I wrote so many years ago. This spring especially so since I’ve been on a spiritual rebirth path since the end of December 2020.

I started meditating again after having fallen off the meditation horse and stumbled upon, no I was led to the book: Journey to the Heart by Melody Beattie. I strongly recommend that you check it out.

Ms. Beattie speaks to me and mirrors the quest, the journey I have been on—not simply since the end of December but frankly ALL of my life.

I know that my heart is leading me—always has been.

Over the last few years I lost my way going down a rabbit hole filled with work stress, lack of selfcare, disconnect from others and worst of all a disconnect from myself.

It got to the point that I am once again (the second time in 6 years) at home on short term disability leave from work due to shingles brought on by work stress. And this time it is after having had two kinds of shingles vaccines! (turns out I had Covid and didn’t know it that turned into long haul Covid and activated the shingles virus in my system)

Yes, stress does a number on me as it does to all of us!

And, especially when this pig-headed stubborn woman ignores the warning signs along the way…and my body has to hit me over the head and in between the eyes to get my attention sometimes!

“But you know life is for learning” as Joni Mitchell sings in the song Woodstock and as the Yogi tea bag says “We can always start again.”

Which is especially true in this spring time of renewal—the world is coming alive slowly and once again so am I! So can you too!

But first you MUST give to yourself, learn to listen to that wise voice in your heart, and let her/him guide you. She/He knows the path, the steps to take, the right thing for you to do in any given moment.

But you have to be open, to open your heart to hear her/him and trust to take that next right for you step that your wise heart voice knows is best for you to do!

“Spring summer winter and fall,
The one I love the best of all is spring.

Spring is full of life and love
Spring is green, spring is new
Spring brings sweet smelling dew.

Spring, summer, winter and fall,
The one I love the best of all is spring!”

Tis time for you to love yourself too!

What is your wise heart voice telling you to do right this very moment?
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Today I moved this piece from the front home page of this website. I am making changes and never want to forget how this website started. I want to share this with you my rental reader too!

​March 2014
These three wonderful critters that share our household are indeed my little helpers. Life would not be the same without them. Pets give us so much comfort, company, love and a sense of being needed too.

My little Gurney also serves as my alarm clock. She wakes me up many mornings with her gentle purring as she sits above my head. That is until the not so sweet licking of my hair starts because she won’t let me push her snooze alarm! To receive some kitty loving first thing is a wonderful way for me to come alive in the morning.

2018 Update: In July of 2017 we had to say goodbye to our dear little “Dunkin punkin”. She was born with one misshapen kidney and the other was smaller than normal. The vet told us early on that cats with kidney problems don’t live long lives. I had forgotten that but had obviously filed it away recalling that statement shortly after her death. We did the best we could providing her with special food and medicine to help her live her life. In a week’s time early in July she declined dramatically from what had appeared on the outside to be a fully functioning cat. It was a very sad time and I still miss that little one. There truly is only one “Dunkin punkin” as I told her zillions of times. Life isn’t the same here for sure with out her. We are adapting and the other two have filled in some of the empty spaces she’s left. I am very grateful we were able to have her in our lives for the 12 1/2 years she was with us! Dunkin is the black kitten in the picture above.

2021 Update: In May of 2019 my dearest ‘Gurney-dorable’ went to kitty heaven. She and Dunkin are resting out back within view of me as I write this. She suddenly went down hill and unbeknownst to us had severe kidney problems. It was a painful few days watching her decline. The last time she really snuggled with me was the Monday evening before we said goodbye to her on Friday…she was perched on my shoulder as I watched TV on the couch and she hugged me like she had never done before. I believe she knew what was ahead and was saying her goodbye to me in her little way that I will never forget. She is the one with the blue eyes in the picture above. She was my smuggle buddy. I miss her dearly.

I know I am still grieving both of these losses. The house is just not the same.

McAllister who is 16 now has grown even more spoiled if that is at all possible! And even more dear to me and more of a snuggler to…but for her I have to get down on the floor and kiss her up as she lays in her pile of toys! We aims to please!I think she is lonely at times being the only one left and having lived with the other 2 for all of her life till their deaths.

Life is hard work it just is and loss is a normal part of life. Grief is a journey…it just is.

Who provides you with gentle love and care when you need it the most?
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​Update August 2021
We bid a sad farewell to McAllister the last of the three little kittens we adopted 16 and a half years ago on 8/18/21. She had pancreatitis and developed liver failure as it progressed over the summer.

Mac ruled the house and us too. This has been her house and we’ve had the honor to be her kitty parents. She is resting now in kitty heaven and out back with her sisters. And I have no doubt that she has made her presence known out there in kitty heaven too…you pretty much always knew where Miss Mac was!

Mac was the only one of the three that always came out to say hi to any visitor we had checking them out and making new friends too. She was a charmer who knew how to get what she wanted from belly rubs to her favorite people food treat. She was a smart one with a twinkle in her eye.

Tis the end of an era with her passing…La Casa De Tres Gatos Locos…The House of Three Crazy Cats…is no more. Our lives were forever changed when they joined us and will not ever be the same without them!