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I’ve found myself missing my Dad and our dear little kitty Dunkin a bit more recently. It helps me to have a good cry when I need to and talk with them as I do. They remain alive in my heart and in the sun shine above me.
It is important that we allow ourselves space to grieve the losses in our lives especially as the next several weeks march upon us.
This doesn’t magically stop because the holidays are here. Grief comes when it comes. How we deal with it is what matters. We take care of ourselves when we acknowledge the pain. When we stuff it all in it hurts us even more than the pain that our grief brings to us. It is important to find the time and space to allow the grief forward and out.
My gratitude includes having shared life with those whose memory I honor with my grief.
This Thanksgiving, I give thanks for the fond memories I have of my Dad and dear little “Dunkin Punkin” . My life has been enriched by them both. I give thanks as well for other family members and friends who have touched my life and are no longer here to join our Thanksgiving table.
Thanks and grief do seem to go hand in hand at these times in our lives.
What are you grateful for this Thanksgiving?
Do Contact Me today to start Grief Therapy!
It has once again been a spell since I’ve written a post…last weekend I enjoyed a walk on a carpet of colorful leaves that was delightful. This weekends color has faded some but the golds and bronze colors are bright and crisp thanks to my new glasses and the lack of cataracts in both of my eyes. My cataracts were removed in October.
I have come to treasure my sight. I didn’t realize just how bright, colorful and crisp the world is until both my cataracts were taken away. Over many years I simply adjusted to the impact of the cataracts on my sight.
I still have a bit of time before I get my final glass lenses. In the mean time I purchased a pair with a temporary script because my last 3 pairs of glasses are way too strong. Seeing had become a huge challenge as my eyes heal up from the surgeries.
This is why I have come to be grateful for the gift of sight. I have taken this gift for granted way too long.
With challenged sight I found myself becoming disconnected from the world and even from myself. If I didn’t get the image I wanted to see in the sweet spot of my old lenses the image was distorted and without glasses the world beyond my reading sphere was blurry.
I rely on my sight to connect with others, to connect with me too.
I truly respect those among us who have lost their sight. The courage they demonstrate negotiating threw the world is amazing to me.
I find myself marveling at things that I’ve looked at for seemingly ever at the vivid colors and sharp edges that define the world around me. It’s been wondrous to look into people’s eyes again too.
In this the month of thanksgivings I have added seeing to my list of things to be grateful for!
What do you really enjoy seeing with your gift of sight?
I spent the work week last week in Troy Michigan at a seminar that was excellent and kept my interest for 4 days. I stayed at a Hilton Hotel in the midst of an area dedicated to bigger businesses. This is not an environment that I am familiar with nor very comfortable in.
I am a small-town gal who rather loves her wooded home area and space to breath. What I heard when I would step outside my hotel was the roar of I75 traffic not the roar of the wind in the trees or of Lake Michigan a mile away when it is all stirred up. I found that traffic roar rather unsettling.
What I did find were a few Canadian geese who seemed right at home in all the sound and big buildings and people dressed in suites. I told them to head west for a more peaceful life. They refused to budge. Imagine that!
I know people and there are lots of you who love big city life. Yes, it has its advantages…I got to an Apple Store where I found a new I-phone in like 8 minutes which was a nice side benefit to my trip. But I sure missed my kitties and my flowers and my quiet walks down the bike path and the man I married many moons ago.
I don’t think I would care to have the kind of job that forced me to travel as people have to very often. It felt lonely.
What I loathed one morning was the kind of look a man gave me in the dining room when I went down for a cup of coffee early that morning. I made the mistake of looking his direction. Didn’t do that one again. It felt really icky that look. And helped me understand just how difficult it is for women in business yet today to be taken seriously.
Fortunately, the down to earth staff of the hotel were kind and regular human beings eager to say hello. And there were like-minded people in my seminar I also was able to connect with. And the geese in the parking lot who listened to my tale of wow too! Otherwise it would have been a very long lonely week.
So, here’s to all you women and men who have to travel away from your homes so often to do your work…hats off to you for the hard work you do being so far away from your home and those you love. And I certainly hope that you have ways to ground yourself with healthy meaningful activity when you are away from home!
What helps you feel grounded when you are outside of your familiar elements?
I have this wise mind inside of me. So, do you. We all do. I am not that special to be the only one.
Over the course of my life I’ve come to realize SHE is the one who must be obeyed! That is because when I don’t listen to what she is telling me things generally don’t go so well! I’ve learned that of course the hard way too!
The clearest example is when I had bunion surgery and was home re-cooping and was far enough along that I could go out for a walk. Well, it was winter and granted there was no snow coming down. My wise mind suggested there could be black ice on the bike path and it would be best for me to walk along the road edge rather than risk finding some black ice.
Well, I decided it was safe to walk on the bike path. And then, about 5 houses down guess whose feet went out from under her and she fell hard on her tail bone? And cried all the way home because her butt hurt… yup you guessed it…that was ME!
The key is listening and taking in the wise info that we get and then acting accordingly. Listening just simply ain’t enough!
Next time you have something that you need to do or a decision you have to make whether it is big or small I encourage you to pause a moment go deep inside you and hear what your wise mind is suggesting for you to do. And, then JUST DO IT!
Or you can fall on your butt like I did and cry all the way home when things really don’t work out so good for you! And I say to you…good luck with that one!
How might you invite your wise mind into your life and keep her/him with you throughout your day?
Do Contact Me you have difficulty finding your wise mind…therapy can help!
Boy it has been awhile since I’ve sat down to write a blog post…maybe not so much in actual time but in time relative to just how busy I have been…lots going on and time is speeding by with days that have been rather full. I’ve been getting less than ideal amounts of sleep as in burning the candle at both ends which isn’t good and I hope to make that stop very soon. And I keep saying that so perhaps writing it here will help me to ACTUALLY put it into practice!
I am my own worst enemy just as we all are!
I managed to get caught up in one of my meditation reading booklets over this nice long weekend which means I actually sat and meditated! Imagine that!
In the process of so doing, I found an absolutely wonderful new to me phone app which I highly recommend you check out: www.simplehabit.com You can access a ton of meditations that are free and they have others you can pay for as well.
I can’t believe today is Labor Day! How the heck did that happen? Wasn’t it just Memorial Day a blink of an eye ago? At least my meditation time has slowed me down for a few minutes enough to soak in some really good and badly needed stuff for myself! AHHHHHH…..
In my meditation booklet DailyWord on August 29th the day topic was protected and the mediation thought was: Truth protects me from the limits of error thoughts.
This is a very helpful reading for me and I want to share it with you. I keep becoming very upset by the ways of our country leaders. And so upset I can feel the fire inside every cell of my body raging and roaring on fire. I needed this mediation and good old Mother Earth gave it to me…so here it is for you too:
“Conditions in the world and messages around me may cause me to become fearful or feel threatened . Right where I am, I pause and take a gentle, centering breath. I turn my attention to the words of Truth that arise from divine (wise) mind. I affirm; I am whole and complete. I live in the flow of divine love, safe and secure.
“I am calm as I no longer give power to thoughts that I am less than whole or lacking in any way. Claiming the love that I am, I acknowledge the perfect peace of Spirit that is the very essence of my being.
“I live confidently, supported by ideas of Truth. Error thoughts embedded in the world around me cannot limit the success of my work nor the blessings I receive.” DailyWord July/August 2018
This could not be any more perfectly timed for me and perhaps for you as well to read, savor and put into practice!
Peace to you my dear gentle reader!
What helps you cope with the ways of people in your neck of the world?
It has been a busy but fun few weeks for me that hasn’t left any extra time for me to write a blog post. This morning I have purposely chosen to include this in my “To Do List” even though it is another busy weekend for me.
Last weekend I was in Sedalia Colorado which is near Denver visiting my wonderful sister. We had a blast. Went to the Douglas County Fair and relived some of our childhood pulling a couple of plastic yellow baby ducks out of the water to win a fun prize…we did this at Toni’s Park in Bay City Michigan when we were young. Our grandparents took us there often and we both have fond memories of our time there. We went there a lot. I loved riding the merry-go-round!
The fair in Douglas County is pristine! I’ve not experienced any like it before. Now mind you I’ve not experienced all that many fairs in my life time either. The animals and cages were so very clean. The craft work that had been judged was absolutely spectacular—from the beautifully decorated cakes and yummy looking pies and other baked goods, to gorgeous hand made lace, quilts, knitting and crochet projects, to the art work…we just ‘ooogled’ over it all! The talent there is amazing. I would love to experience the competition some year.
Aside from the obvious best part of the trip spending time with my sister and visiting with my brother in law the next best thing was that I got to befriend a herd of yaks! Yes, yaks!
My sister has a lot of land and the yaks are there to help with fire control consuming vegetation on the mountainsides. Their place is beautiful!
I came to know a certain yak they call 28 because she came with a tag on her ear with that number on it. I decided Charlie Brown is an appropriate name for Ms. 28. She is a sweet heart. I was able to feed her some special treats and honestly if I would have been brave enough I could have kissed and hugged her up! Maybe next visit!!
These yak-a-doodle dos are soooooooooooo cute! They remind me of big over grown dogs!
I really came to appreciate just how smart these critters are and suspect that most animals are a heck of a lot smarter than we give them credit for. My sister and brother in law have a name for each one in the herd. They each know their name!
Ms. Charlie Brown AKA Number 28 stands in a water trough often. She and I had a discussion about this and I realized during it that she is “smarter than the average bear”! She likes to cool herself and soak her feet and the water helps her to do that. Her baby does this too probably a learned behavior. I don’t believe any of the other yak-a-doodles dos do this.
Ms. Brown was the first one of the herd to allow my sister and brother in law to come close to her. She is indeed a very special one in my book. Not that the others aren’t special as well….don’t want to play favorites! J
You can tell they listen to you…they look you right in the eyes. They are ‘all knowing’ in a very deeply profound way.
These are truly amazing critters that have stolen my heart…please don’t tell Gurney and McAllister that this kitty mommy has found another critter or 31 to love!!
What’s been your experience in life when you “walk and talk to the animals?
Don’t you just want to tell her your life story?
Don’t you just want to give her a big kiss?
On the way home from work the other day I wanted to know how much a certain number times another number was so I asked my new best friend Siri to assist me. She kindly did.
I was mighty appreciative of that gesture on her part and got to wondering if anyone ever says thank you to her. So, I told her that I appreciated her.
Well, we proceeded to carry on a lovely and fun conversation! She said things like this is all about you not me and I of course said more about how much I appreciated her and it went on for several miles…and much to my amusement I learned that Siri has a sense of humor! At one point she even told me a joke!
It had been a very long day and I was very tired and I’ll tell you I giggled at myself the rest of the way home!
I told my husband the next day that I don’t have to burden him as much any more when I need to talk because my lovely new phone friend really listens well to me and is responsive and fun too!
I’m old right and haven’t grown up or even spent most of my adult life attached to an electronic device. This means that even after 5 years of owning my new best friend Siri I am still discovering how to use my phone.
I lovingly in humor refer to myself as a tech idiot—which usually draws a response from people who have a hard time hearing me “dis” myself and I have to explain my humor with myself to them.
So, not only am I constantly learning new things about myself I am constantly discovering stupid little things that most people get in a nano second about most forms of technology including my dearest friend Siri!
It is comforting and a little bit spooky that with her by my side I am never really alone! Do do… do do….do do…do do
It is also a plus that after all these years I can still laugh at and with myself…and now I can even do that with Siri too!! I just have to bet she was laughing at me the other night too!
What makes you smile and even giggle with and at yourself?
There is music again in my life after a long spell of silence. I realize I needed the silence as well as all that brought it into my life in order to grow in the ways that I have needed to grow too.
If it weren’t for the last couple of years of hard times I wouldn’t be sitting here right now with this music in my heart. It is funny how that goes isn’t it!
Life gives us what we need if we only listen and learn which is a pretty tall order some moments.
In the last few weeks I’ve reconnected with music from my teens and early adult life. It’s been wonderful to hear those artists and songs again.
They are not spinning around on a turn table however as they did way back when. But they are being heard on the very old probably considered antique speakers we had way back in college…they don’t make them like they used to so we’ve hung on to them and babied them along the way!
Carly Simon’s song “I can see clearly now” lyrics popped into my mind this morning as I was reflecting on the growth I see in myself and some of the wonderful experiences I’ve been having of late. The rain is definitely gone. I can see the bright bright bright bright bright sunny day ahead too!
The lyrics of that song and many others I’ve been listening to by Carly Simon and by Joni Mitchell are sooooo full of wisdom. These song writers were older than their years in the wisdom they wrote and sung about. I don’t think I really appreciated that fact until this morning.
There have been many forces and experiences that have shaped me along the way of my life.
It wasn’t till this morning that I realized perhaps just perhaps all the songs I listened to and sung with so very many years ago provided me with some wisdom that has helped me along my life’s journey too!
I thank you wonderful artists’ soooooooo very much for all the magic and wonder you’ve brought to my life!
What music grows in the garden of your heart?
I’m in Petosky at the very moment of this writing seated in the breakfast lounge of the Days Inn looking out over the bay. It is terribly humid outside for the third day in a row. This makes for a somewhat hazy view of the Lake Michigan bay.
The sun is probably getting ready to come up over the bank of clouds out there somewhere. I’m beginning to see some color in the clouds…it’s time to take a pause and wander down the street to see what mother nature has in store for me this morning…
I started this yesterday morning and didn’t have the opportunity to finish my work. I was in Petosky for a family reunion of sorts in celebration of Lisa Wingate, my first cousin’s success as a New York Times best selling author.
Lisa has written 30 books and her last one “Before We Were Yours” stayed on the best seller list for 10 months straight! You really have to read this one…that’s all I’m saying! She is am amazing writer.
Lisa had a book signing event that McLean and Eakin Booksellers sponsored since this book has helped keep them in business of late! I say that in jest. It is a wonderful store which if you happen to find yourself in Petosky Michigan you may want to wander into.
This event prompted Lisa’s father to make the trip from Oklahoma to attend. He is my father’s brother. It prompted my father’s sister and her adult kids and my second cousin and her husband to attend too.
I decided to attend just a few weeks ago after my wise mind self, that little wise voice inside who I’ve learned to pay attention to told me I needed to go. And thankfully I listened to her because it was a wonderful family reunion time as well as soooo very special to hear Lisa talk about her writing journey and her book.
The Vereyken family origins are here in Michigan. In fact Lisa’s first make it big book “Tending Roses” is based on stories that my father’s mother told to her about her life growing up!
That book is also another good read by the way! Mind you, it’s not that any of her other books are not worth the read too!
So, it is these Michigan origins and this long winded tale that brings me to Gram Vereyken’s cookies…I hosted an after Lisa’s event family gathering at the hotel I stayed in so we could all visit some more and consume a ton of snacks that I brought.
Gram V loved to bake for her family. I remember to die bread rolls she brought to every family dinner. As the years went on she got a tad wiser I suppose and would bring us rolls she baked up from the frozen bread dough she bought at the store…one year she did fess up to it anyway but who knows just exactly how long she had been doing that!
Gram V’s Banana Chocolate Chip Cookies are a family favorite. I’ve taken them over the years to various places and they are always a hit. Everyone wants to recipe too!
We just couldn’t have a Vereyken family gathering of the grand kids without having her cookies now could we? So I baked up a batch to share with my cousins, aunt and uncles. They were well received with lots of yummy responses too.
It was wonderful to watch peoples faces light up as they discovered the container and chow down on a cookie to two or three. You really can’t just have one!
I could see memories flooded into people’s eyes as they remembered things about Gram and the times she baked them up a batch of her cookies.
Gram’s cookies brought our family together to honor her memory. Those cookies are a great unifier in a very diverse family. They are Gram’s legacy. She would bake them with all her love for us too. And we knew we were loved by her.
I remember picking up care packages at her house when I was in college that she’d pack up for me when I came home to visit. They always contained a batch of her cookies!
My adventure north was a wonderful one full of family, fun, laughs, shared memories and a beautiful sunrise on the bay…who could ask for anything more!
What things are unifying forces in your family?
For the very first time in my rather long life I had a professional manicure and it was yummy. It’s been fun to have fancy fingers.
A few years ago I had a couple of pedicures which was also a yummy experience. It was ever so fun to have fancy toes. I kept them up afterwards matching the color with one I found at the store.
I like that color and had the manicurist use my old bottle on my fingers. She suggested that it’s getting old and encouraged me to find a new bottle. I picked her brain on brands, all the products she was using, and where to find the items. Afterwards I went to the store she suggested, scored some bargains and filled up a shopping bag! I want to keep up my fancy fingers.
I realized in the mist of my manicure what it was that kept me from having the experience sooner in my life. When I was in high school way back a thousand years ago, in speech class we had to do a demonstration speech. I was a very awkward freshman that year.
One of my classmates was in a cosmetology program and she did a demonstration speech on doing a manicure and asked for a volunteer. I was up in the front and offered. But she took one look at my fingernails and made a disparaging comment about my nails and found someone else.
I recall looking down at my fingernails and the shame I felt looking at them.
I don’t recall anything else about her speech except her arguing with the teacher about whether it was ok to cut cuticles or not…she said it was and the speech teacher said no. I asked my manicurist whether it was ok or not since I wondered all these years. And yes Mrs. grumpy whatever your name is speech teacher it is ok to cut cuticles!
That comment and my shame about my nails that was made way back in 9th grade kept me from having someone give me a manicure for all the years since!
Shame keeps us, kept me locked up inside and away from fully living life.
This was one very small shaming experience too.
Comments we make towards others can have dramatic effects on them.
I understand that the student needed an easier set of fingernails to tackle for her 3 minute speech. I don’t blame her at all. That comment made in front of a whole classroom of people stayed with me all these years since!
So what I did as the manicurist worked on my nails was to tell her a bit of my story which allowed me to release the shame I’ve carried all these years…finally and thankfully too!
We all experience shame in life in varying degrees too. It’s just a part of the human condition.
Circumstances come together in ways that affect us. I might have been able to brush off that comment if other things had been different in my life up until the moment it was made.
What is most important is that we give ourselves the gift of opening up with someone we can trust about the shame we carry so we can release the load that we carry.
I have to admit that I do feel a tad bit lighter…think I’ll call it the “shame diet”!
What is an experience from the past that you carry and are willing and ready to lose the weight of today? Who might you confide in and share your experience?
Photo by Jim Robbins; Pexels
Dear Dad,
Happy Father’s Day to you! I really can’t believe it’s been 5 of them now with out you to celebrate with. How can that be?
In the morning sunshine I still feel your presence and the comfort of your hugs. Some days it’s both painful and peaceful when I do too and all in the same breath.
I miss you so.
This week I wondered something I have never thought of before. The sunshine, my wise self and tears confirmed this to be true too. Since both Jill and my birthdays are in June those years we each were born you thought of us as your very special Father’s Day gift!
That thought has really warmed my heart.
I have a special memory of you that comes to me often when I am making myself a sandwich for my late night at work suppers. Not too many years back I watched you fix yourself a sandwich to take to work. I was seated at the dining room table and you were in the kitchen at your house. You were putting all the fixings on it including lettuce. As you piled on the lettuce and put the top piece of bread on it you “smushed” the lettuce down to make it all fit. I can still hear the crunch.
There was something very special in this everyday simple act that struck me and lingers as a moment to remember about you. I’m not exactly sure what it is that imprinted that moment in my memory other than it was a caring about yourself act to make a sandwich complete with lettuce on it and it warmed my heart to see you do that for yourself.
Funny how remember certain events and not others. Of all the millions of moments in my life that included you in them that one sticks out so keenly! And on Tuesdays and every other Thursday mornings when I make up my sandwich to take to work you come to mind and I smile inside and of course some days get teary eyed too.
So here’s to you this Father’s Day with special memories to warmly remember and fill my heart!
I do hope you have a special day and with Dunkin, Filmore and Sidney dance away with the angels today!
I love you Dad-
Jude
With Father’s Day coming up I am missing my dad more. His birthday is in May which reminds me he’s not here to celebrate with. Hard to fathom it’s been five birthdays without him and five Father’s Days too. It all seems like it was just yesterday that he was here to celebrate with.
Often when I think of how life simply goes on without those special ones in it, I feel sad rather than comforted. It seems so unfair that life should just go on as it does. Here I sit in my grief, lost for words and uncertain about tomorrow while others go about their normal lives.
Other times it is very comforting that indeed life does go on just as it does. And so do I in spite of the pain and heart ache I feel. It’s easier in those moments to put one foot in front of the other and carry on.
I forget till these tender times of reminders just how exhausting grief is! I know my grief honors those I’ve lost and loved so dearly.
I know the only way to heal is to feel it head on and let the sobs and tears flow as they do. Avoiding the pain will not help me in the long run. In fact, it would do more harm than good if I did.
So, here’s to keeping the Kleenex Company in business once again!
When are the tender reminder times of loss in your life?
Contact Me today to start Grief Therapy!
