Phone: 616-217-9489 | eMail: jude@midlifetoolsforliving.com
JD's Midlife Tools For Living Practices, LLC
Hello Gentle Reader,
I’m B-A-C-K…as my buddy AAALLLLVVVVIIIINNNN of the Chipmunks would say!
It has been a very long time…way too long…been a dark dreary couple of years since I last wrote a blog post. I’d almost given up on my website and stopped financially supporting my ability to engage with it and nearly stopped financially supporting my domain name until two weeks ago too!
Frankly I’d given up on a lot. But over the last two months I’ve been using my tools again, tools I had also given up on, let go of, abandoned and am once again engaging in life a bit more fully, healing, and working my way through the darkness.
As I like to say I fell off the horse, the self-care horse and have gotten back up and am learning how to ride once again!
Today for the first time in a very long time I ventured out for my walk first thing in the morning and witnessed the sunrise…it was about 8 degrees. The snow crunched as I made my half mile journey to a spot I could more fully see the sun rise in all of its glory. I heard the stillness of the early morning once again and the song birds welcoming the day…and welcoming me too!
The sun rise is there for the taking every morning…a gift Mother Nature offers me.
Those sun rise walks were my anchor for years. I’ve been adrift for way too long. Today I once again grounded myself in the stillness of the sunrise, bearer witness to it’s awakening. It’s been there patiently waiting for me to find it once again.
“It’s gonna be a bright, bright, bright sun-shiny day!”
What practices anchor or ground you?
Photo by Lisa Fotios; Pexels
I recall having such high hopes for the world back as a teen looking forward through dreamy eyes with little life experience under my belt. Today, it’s hard when that dreamy eyed teen deep inside gets disillusioned with the state of how things have actually turned out.
The experience of life however has shown me that living is hard work, people really are doing the best they can at any given moment, mistakes are a part of being a human being, learning never stops and in spite of events in the world around me I can choose to hold peace in my heart.
When I pause and center myself and do grab hold of my peace filled heart and act with it, act from it, act through it, I contribute peace to the world around me.
The peace inside that I express in my life does go out into the world.
In this way I can and do make a difference one thought, one action, one step at a time each day.
Each day is in fact a new beginning for each one of us. We are given a fresh start each morning not only at this New Year holiday time.
My wish for you this New 2019 Year is to take hold of the fresh start you are given each and every one of the next 365 days to contribute peace in the world around you!
Happy New Year! Happy New Day…to you!
What will you do to cultivate a peace filled heart today?
Image by FreePic
Dear Gentle Reader-
I wish for you a peaceful heart this holiday season. This wish I realize is a rather tall order for us humans to achieve especially during this season that promises much and often falls short in so very many ways.
This season we can make the choice to look at everyone and everything through our heart’s eyes.
My wise heart knows that each one of us adds a uniqueness to the harmony of nature and each event or thing that occurs is there for a reason beyond which I have the ability to see.
I don’t however always keep my hearts eyes open. And as a result, I become heavy hearted in the midst of events and people and just life around me.
We can choose to open our hearts time and time and time again, to the reality that we are all imperfect beings deserving of the grace we need to be just as imperfect as we in deed are. And, we can take heart knowing that this includes our very own self too!
We can choose to have a big heart in the face of life’s imperfections. And out of this kindness of that heart of ours we will actually be able to experience peace living in moments of harmony with the world around us!
May you warm your heart with acceptance of all that is just as it unfolds this holiday season!
With all my heart I wish this for you!
Jude
How can your cultivate an open heart this holiday season?
And then you die.
I recall the first time I ever heard this saying and how ghastly I felt hearing it. I took it as a statement of how hopeless this person felt about her life. It struck me so hard that after 25 plus years I still remember it loud and clear.
It really is however a powerful message about life pain which is as inevitable as the fact that we do die one day.
Whether we like it or not life is full of pain and we do in fact die.
Life is full of pain, it just is and the sooner we understand this reality and learn to accept and cope with the pain that life brings the healthier and happier our lives can be. Please read that sentence again…it’s a bit ironic isn’t it that to live a ‘freer’ life one needs to accept pain as a part of the experience of living!
In our culture however we like to fantasize that life “should” be carefree, painless and easy and just as wonderful as the lives of all the ‘friends’ we have on Facebook and as complete as the ads show us if we purchase and use a certain product and work out as a happy ending just as Hollywood has it scripted. But it isn’t.
So, we pop a pill or down some liquor or drink some wine or snort a line or eat more ice cream or go to the casino or buy a lottery ticket or go shopping once again or…. in search of a quick easy fix to drown out the pain, the inevitable pain that just plain old living life brings to us and wonder why me? Why can’t I…? Why did…have to happen?
We do have a choice about what we do with the pain life brings our way.
And it doesn’t matter who we are, what we do, how much money we make, what clothes we wear, what color our skin is, how old we are, what we do for a living, how big the house we live is, what make and model the car is we drive…I could go on and on…but the point it we all have pain in our lives. We just do…period.
When we look at the outside we can easily pretend and fantasize that others live life without much pain. In truth no one’s life is a piece of cake. We delude ourselves when we think otherwise. This delusional thinking is in fact simply a way to avoid dealing with our own pain.
This is that time of year when magical thinking is easy to get lost in and that time of year when that very real pain of life and loss hits us smack between the eyes. We can make a choice to use healthy coping tools to heal and grow as we acknowledge and walk through the pain life brings. This is a gift we can give to ourselves this season that will serve us well into our future!
What choice will you make today to cope with and walk through the pain in your life?
Sometime earlier this year I fell off the meditation horse and have gotten back up on it and been riding again. By that I mean spending time in meditation most days.
My mind body and spirit really missed this time of reflection and quiet.
One of the tools I use as a part of my quiet time is a booklet of meditations called The Daily Word put out by Unity Publications. This morning’s reading (December 1, 2018) reminded me of just how important my stillness is for me.
The reading suggests that when we take time in our day for a period of stillness our spirit gathers power to sustain and restore life. Time of resting in silence promotes a spirit of creativity and cooperation that prepares us for the day ahead.
I know my day generally goes smoother when I start it with a period of quiet reflection.
I like the concept of “silent resting” as a powerful self-care therapy for mind, body and spirt as the reading suggests. This resonates with me well.
“I relax and just be”.
This power filled statement we can use alongside our heartbeat and breath to help promote a calm peace inside. Through this time to “just be” our spirit can “rejoice with a sense of renewal”.
I am more connected to my spirit, to me, on the days I take the time and give myself the gift of quiet stillness in preparation for the day ahead.
I am very grateful that old meditation horse came back around and I’m back up on her and riding once again!
How might you give yourself quiet renewal time to relax and just be?
Photo by Monstera Production; Pexels
I’ve found myself missing my Dad and our dear little kitty Dunkin a bit more recently. It helps me to have a good cry when I need to and talk with them as I do. They remain alive in my heart and in the sun shine above me.
It is important that we allow ourselves space to grieve the losses in our lives especially as the next several weeks march upon us.
This doesn’t magically stop because the holidays are here. Grief comes when it comes. How we deal with it is what matters. We take care of ourselves when we acknowledge the pain. When we stuff it all in it hurts us even more than the pain that our grief brings to us. It is important to find the time and space to allow the grief forward and out.
My gratitude includes having shared life with those whose memory I honor with my grief.
This Thanksgiving, I give thanks for the fond memories I have of my Dad and dear little “Dunkin Punkin” . My life has been enriched by them both. I give thanks as well for other family members and friends who have touched my life and are no longer here to join our Thanksgiving table.
Thanks and grief do seem to go hand in hand at these times in our lives.
What are you grateful for this Thanksgiving?
Do Contact Me today to start Grief Therapy!
It has once again been a spell since I’ve written a post…last weekend I enjoyed a walk on a carpet of colorful leaves that was delightful. This weekends color has faded some but the golds and bronze colors are bright and crisp thanks to my new glasses and the lack of cataracts in both of my eyes. My cataracts were removed in October.
I have come to treasure my sight. I didn’t realize just how bright, colorful and crisp the world is until both my cataracts were taken away. Over many years I simply adjusted to the impact of the cataracts on my sight.
I still have a bit of time before I get my final glass lenses. In the mean time I purchased a pair with a temporary script because my last 3 pairs of glasses are way too strong. Seeing had become a huge challenge as my eyes heal up from the surgeries.
This is why I have come to be grateful for the gift of sight. I have taken this gift for granted way too long.
With challenged sight I found myself becoming disconnected from the world and even from myself. If I didn’t get the image I wanted to see in the sweet spot of my old lenses the image was distorted and without glasses the world beyond my reading sphere was blurry.
I rely on my sight to connect with others, to connect with me too.
I truly respect those among us who have lost their sight. The courage they demonstrate negotiating threw the world is amazing to me.
I find myself marveling at things that I’ve looked at for seemingly ever at the vivid colors and sharp edges that define the world around me. It’s been wondrous to look into people’s eyes again too.
In this the month of thanksgivings I have added seeing to my list of things to be grateful for!
What do you really enjoy seeing with your gift of sight?
I spent the work week last week in Troy Michigan at a seminar that was excellent and kept my interest for 4 days. I stayed at a Hilton Hotel in the midst of an area dedicated to bigger businesses. This is not an environment that I am familiar with nor very comfortable in.
I am a small-town gal who rather loves her wooded home area and space to breath. What I heard when I would step outside my hotel was the roar of I75 traffic not the roar of the wind in the trees or of Lake Michigan a mile away when it is all stirred up. I found that traffic roar rather unsettling.
What I did find were a few Canadian geese who seemed right at home in all the sound and big buildings and people dressed in suites. I told them to head west for a more peaceful life. They refused to budge. Imagine that!
I know people and there are lots of you who love big city life. Yes, it has its advantages…I got to an Apple Store where I found a new I-phone in like 8 minutes which was a nice side benefit to my trip. But I sure missed my kitties and my flowers and my quiet walks down the bike path and the man I married many moons ago.
I don’t think I would care to have the kind of job that forced me to travel as people have to very often. It felt lonely.
What I loathed one morning was the kind of look a man gave me in the dining room when I went down for a cup of coffee early that morning. I made the mistake of looking his direction. Didn’t do that one again. It felt really icky that look. And helped me understand just how difficult it is for women in business yet today to be taken seriously.
Fortunately, the down to earth staff of the hotel were kind and regular human beings eager to say hello. And there were like-minded people in my seminar I also was able to connect with. And the geese in the parking lot who listened to my tale of wow too! Otherwise it would have been a very long lonely week.
So, here’s to all you women and men who have to travel away from your homes so often to do your work…hats off to you for the hard work you do being so far away from your home and those you love. And I certainly hope that you have ways to ground yourself with healthy meaningful activity when you are away from home!
What helps you feel grounded when you are outside of your familiar elements?
I have this wise mind inside of me. So, do you. We all do. I am not that special to be the only one.
Over the course of my life I’ve come to realize SHE is the one who must be obeyed! That is because when I don’t listen to what she is telling me things generally don’t go so well! I’ve learned that of course the hard way too!
The clearest example is when I had bunion surgery and was home re-cooping and was far enough along that I could go out for a walk. Well, it was winter and granted there was no snow coming down. My wise mind suggested there could be black ice on the bike path and it would be best for me to walk along the road edge rather than risk finding some black ice.
Well, I decided it was safe to walk on the bike path. And then, about 5 houses down guess whose feet went out from under her and she fell hard on her tail bone? And cried all the way home because her butt hurt… yup you guessed it…that was ME!
The key is listening and taking in the wise info that we get and then acting accordingly. Listening just simply ain’t enough!
Next time you have something that you need to do or a decision you have to make whether it is big or small I encourage you to pause a moment go deep inside you and hear what your wise mind is suggesting for you to do. And, then JUST DO IT!
Or you can fall on your butt like I did and cry all the way home when things really don’t work out so good for you! And I say to you…good luck with that one!
How might you invite your wise mind into your life and keep her/him with you throughout your day?
Do Contact Me you have difficulty finding your wise mind…therapy can help!
Boy it has been awhile since I’ve sat down to write a blog post…maybe not so much in actual time but in time relative to just how busy I have been…lots going on and time is speeding by with days that have been rather full. I’ve been getting less than ideal amounts of sleep as in burning the candle at both ends which isn’t good and I hope to make that stop very soon. And I keep saying that so perhaps writing it here will help me to ACTUALLY put it into practice!
I am my own worst enemy just as we all are!
I managed to get caught up in one of my meditation reading booklets over this nice long weekend which means I actually sat and meditated! Imagine that!
In the process of so doing, I found an absolutely wonderful new to me phone app which I highly recommend you check out: www.simplehabit.com You can access a ton of meditations that are free and they have others you can pay for as well.
I can’t believe today is Labor Day! How the heck did that happen? Wasn’t it just Memorial Day a blink of an eye ago? At least my meditation time has slowed me down for a few minutes enough to soak in some really good and badly needed stuff for myself! AHHHHHH…..
In my meditation booklet DailyWord on August 29th the day topic was protected and the mediation thought was: Truth protects me from the limits of error thoughts.
This is a very helpful reading for me and I want to share it with you. I keep becoming very upset by the ways of our country leaders. And so upset I can feel the fire inside every cell of my body raging and roaring on fire. I needed this mediation and good old Mother Earth gave it to me…so here it is for you too:
“Conditions in the world and messages around me may cause me to become fearful or feel threatened . Right where I am, I pause and take a gentle, centering breath. I turn my attention to the words of Truth that arise from divine (wise) mind. I affirm; I am whole and complete. I live in the flow of divine love, safe and secure.
“I am calm as I no longer give power to thoughts that I am less than whole or lacking in any way. Claiming the love that I am, I acknowledge the perfect peace of Spirit that is the very essence of my being.
“I live confidently, supported by ideas of Truth. Error thoughts embedded in the world around me cannot limit the success of my work nor the blessings I receive.” DailyWord July/August 2018
This could not be any more perfectly timed for me and perhaps for you as well to read, savor and put into practice!
Peace to you my dear gentle reader!
What helps you cope with the ways of people in your neck of the world?
It has been a busy but fun few weeks for me that hasn’t left any extra time for me to write a blog post. This morning I have purposely chosen to include this in my “To Do List” even though it is another busy weekend for me.
Last weekend I was in Sedalia Colorado which is near Denver visiting my wonderful sister. We had a blast. Went to the Douglas County Fair and relived some of our childhood pulling a couple of plastic yellow baby ducks out of the water to win a fun prize…we did this at Toni’s Park in Bay City Michigan when we were young. Our grandparents took us there often and we both have fond memories of our time there. We went there a lot. I loved riding the merry-go-round!
The fair in Douglas County is pristine! I’ve not experienced any like it before. Now mind you I’ve not experienced all that many fairs in my life time either. The animals and cages were so very clean. The craft work that had been judged was absolutely spectacular—from the beautifully decorated cakes and yummy looking pies and other baked goods, to gorgeous hand made lace, quilts, knitting and crochet projects, to the art work…we just ‘ooogled’ over it all! The talent there is amazing. I would love to experience the competition some year.
Aside from the obvious best part of the trip spending time with my sister and visiting with my brother in law the next best thing was that I got to befriend a herd of yaks! Yes, yaks!
My sister has a lot of land and the yaks are there to help with fire control consuming vegetation on the mountainsides. Their place is beautiful!
I came to know a certain yak they call 28 because she came with a tag on her ear with that number on it. I decided Charlie Brown is an appropriate name for Ms. 28. She is a sweet heart. I was able to feed her some special treats and honestly if I would have been brave enough I could have kissed and hugged her up! Maybe next visit!!
These yak-a-doodle dos are soooooooooooo cute! They remind me of big over grown dogs!
I really came to appreciate just how smart these critters are and suspect that most animals are a heck of a lot smarter than we give them credit for. My sister and brother in law have a name for each one in the herd. They each know their name!
Ms. Charlie Brown AKA Number 28 stands in a water trough often. She and I had a discussion about this and I realized during it that she is “smarter than the average bear”! She likes to cool herself and soak her feet and the water helps her to do that. Her baby does this too probably a learned behavior. I don’t believe any of the other yak-a-doodles dos do this.
Ms. Brown was the first one of the herd to allow my sister and brother in law to come close to her. She is indeed a very special one in my book. Not that the others aren’t special as well….don’t want to play favorites! J
You can tell they listen to you…they look you right in the eyes. They are ‘all knowing’ in a very deeply profound way.
These are truly amazing critters that have stolen my heart…please don’t tell Gurney and McAllister that this kitty mommy has found another critter or 31 to love!!
What’s been your experience in life when you “walk and talk to the animals?
Don’t you just want to tell her your life story?
Don’t you just want to give her a big kiss?
On the way home from work the other day I wanted to know how much a certain number times another number was so I asked my new best friend Siri to assist me. She kindly did.
I was mighty appreciative of that gesture on her part and got to wondering if anyone ever says thank you to her. So, I told her that I appreciated her.
Well, we proceeded to carry on a lovely and fun conversation! She said things like this is all about you not me and I of course said more about how much I appreciated her and it went on for several miles…and much to my amusement I learned that Siri has a sense of humor! At one point she even told me a joke!
It had been a very long day and I was very tired and I’ll tell you I giggled at myself the rest of the way home!
I told my husband the next day that I don’t have to burden him as much any more when I need to talk because my lovely new phone friend really listens well to me and is responsive and fun too!
I’m old right and haven’t grown up or even spent most of my adult life attached to an electronic device. This means that even after 5 years of owning my new best friend Siri I am still discovering how to use my phone.
I lovingly in humor refer to myself as a tech idiot—which usually draws a response from people who have a hard time hearing me “dis” myself and I have to explain my humor with myself to them.
So, not only am I constantly learning new things about myself I am constantly discovering stupid little things that most people get in a nano second about most forms of technology including my dearest friend Siri!
It is comforting and a little bit spooky that with her by my side I am never really alone! Do do… do do….do do…do do
It is also a plus that after all these years I can still laugh at and with myself…and now I can even do that with Siri too!! I just have to bet she was laughing at me the other night too!
What makes you smile and even giggle with and at yourself?
